Wednesday, May 13, 2015

5.13.15 Bee-otch of the Day: Saturday Night Live


Bee-otch of the Day honors are awarded Monday through Thursday, Bee-otch of the Week is awarded Friday on Chuck69.com.



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SN\
 
Name: Saturday Night Live
Age: 40
Occupation: sketch comedy show on NBC
Last Seen: New York, NY
Bee-otched For: ripping off.... again



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Last Saturday's SNL should have been one of the funniest of the year.

Some of the sketches killed, like the cold opening where Cecily Strong portrayed a DJ introducing the Repukes running for president next year. Of course, there was a montage of all the cast members as kids and yes, that Picture Perfect sketch where contestants were forced to draw Mohammed for a million bucks.

Personally, I thought that sketch was hilarious and unpredictable, like many of the skits SNL did 40 years ago. But, there's a small problem: it's a ripoff.

Yep, how dare SNL ripoff somebody else, especially when we're dealing with Lorne Michaels' homeland of Canada? The sketch was a knockoff of a similar one that aired on CBC's This Hour Has 22 Minutes last January. The two sketches are quite similar, only that the 22 Minutes version was a parody of  Win, Lose or Draw, the 1980s celebrity drawing show originally hosted here in the states by the late, great Bert Convy and the SNL version was a little longer and had the great acting of Kenan Thompson as the dude who played the dad from Family Matters.

Nobody from the SNL camp has responded to the charges, but THH22M has been having fun with SNL's alleged plagiarism. The show's writers has bashed the show and even the official Facebook from the program stated that they're waiting for SNL to say something so they can do the same thing, only shorter.

Of course, this isn't the only time SNL has been accused of stealing, at least this season. In October, the show was accused by The Groundlings of copying their "River Sisters" sketch that involved skanky old women singing "Proud Mary" with them telling strange stories in between verses. Years ago, the show even ripped off Howard Stern by airing a commercial sketch called"Sofa King"

Sadly, the allegations of plagiarism are adding up to the problems the show has had in the past few years. Last year, it was too many new faces, and many of them ended up canned. This year, it's everything from unfunny sketches to the lamest Weekend Update desk in years. Comedy-wise, this is all Colin Jost's fault and maybe, just maybe this might be his last year at SNL, god willing.

I'm also fuming at the fact that musical guest-wise, this was a horrid year for rock bands appearing on the show. If you were an indie pop act or rapper, this was a good year. But sadly, the only band to have a hit on the mainstream rock charts to appear on SNL was Zac Brown Band, the country act who scored a surprise hit on the charts with "Heavy is the Head", a duet with Chris Cornell. Otherwise, when the musical guest came on, it was a good time to hit the bathroom or raid the fridge.

As usual, SNL has missed the mark this season. They only have one show left and they better not phone it in. Who knows? Hopefully, one of the ladies might have a wardrobe malfunction (better not be Aidy Bryant)! Otherwise, I hope Lorne will sharpen his ax soon.

Maybe if they actually drew Mohammed during the sketch, things would have improved 1,000%. If only Michael O'Donoghue was still alive...  


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Tuesday, May 12, 2015

5.12.15 Bee-otch of the Day: Tom Brady


Bee-otch of the Day honors are awarded Monday through Thursday, Bee-otch of the Week is awarded Friday on Chuck69.com.



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Name: Tom Brady
Age: 37
Occupation: NFL quarterback
Last Seen: ??
Bee-otched For: paying the price



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The NFL has dropped the ball on Tom Brady.

And that ball was inflated right.

The league announced Monday that the New England Patriot quarterback and Super Bowl MVP has been suspended for four games next season without pay because of his involvement in Deflategate, where he allegedly used slightly deflated balls to catapult the team's win over the Indianapolis Colts in the playoffs earlier this year. Eventually, the Pates won the Super Bowl, barely beating the previous year's champions, the Seattle Seahawks.

The NFL has also penalized the Patriots, eliminating their 1st and 4th draft picks in 2016 and 17 respectively. The team has also been fined $1 million.

Ironically, Brady will return on week five when the team will play (drumroll please) Indianapolis. On their home turf. There should be a lot of boos at Lucas Oil Stadium.

Brady's agent, Don Yee claims that he will appeal his suspension with NFL commissioner Roger Goodall. He calls Brady's suspension ridiculous and had no basis.

The million-dollar fine against the Pates is now tied for being the highest in NFL history. In 1999, the league fined San Francisco 49ers owner Ed DeBartolo for his involvement in a Louisiana gambling scandal. In 2007, the Pates were fined a combined $750,000 for coach Bill Belichick spying on other coaches.

Personally, I think that the punishment *does* fit the crime somewhat, but if I were the NFL, I would take away the Patriots' Super Bowl victory. They cheated fair and square. As for Brady, he needs to take the punishment like a man. I don't give a flying fuck if he wants to play football. This asshole lives in a mansion bigger than the White House and is married to a top supermodel. This prick only has to work 20 days a fucking year and gets paid millions.

I hope that without Brady, the Pates will sink so low that they won't make the playoffs this year. I'd love to finally see my Lions actually go further into the playoffs this year. Who knows?

All I know is that unlike the Pates, the Lions don't need deflated balls to win.

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Monday, May 11, 2015

5.11.15 Bee-otch of the Day: The Republican Party


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Name: The Republican Party
Age: 161
Occupation: the right wing
Last Seen: Washington, DC
Bee-otched For: becoming a cavalcade of clowns



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If you missed the opening sketch of Saturday Night Live this past weekend, it summoned up this year's candidates so far to a tee.

Cecily Strong played a DJ to a Republican gathering showcasing the candidates and their plans to basically, well, fuck up the working class. Hey! At least one guy is 420 friendly, but he still ain't getting my vote.

That's all I've heard so far from the Repukes this year: "I'll get rid of Obamacare!" "I'll slash Social Security!" "I'll overturn Roe V. Wade!" The whole she-bang. Hell, it's sad when one of the candidates, Carly Fiona never held public office and was fired from Hewlett-Packard after she caused a mass exodus of 30,000 people. Kinda reminds me of a fellow who once ran Gateway Computers; he kept outsourcing workers overseas and eventually sold the company to Taiwanese-based Acer. Sadly, that asshole, Rick Snyder is now the governor of my home state of Michigan. Since taking over our state, he's downgraded us to a right-to-work (for less) state, he's slashed funding for schools and our roads are embarrassing. He even encouraged voters to pass Prop 1 last week that would have raised our sales tax to 7% and it was shot down four-to-one.

I know, the election is over a year away and not everybody has thrown their hats into the ring. Personally, I would vote for Bernie Sanders because he seems to be more down-to-earth than the rest of the candidates, even Hillary Clinton. True, I think Clinton will ultimately take the Democratic nomination for president, but my views on her are skewed because she tends to be a flip-flopper, especially regarding healthcare. True, Joe Biden is yet to announce his run for prez, but remember, the last time a veep held a successful two-year term as president was Harry Truman.

As long as the Repukes keep talking about screwing over the middle class and doing what's best for the 1%, they ain't getting my vote, period. The 2000s were supposed to be happy years for me when I was in my 20s, but realized that thanks to our weak economy, I had to borrow the American Dream instead of buying it. Thanks to Obama, our economy is up and so is my pay.

Like the old saying goes, "are you better off now than four years ago?" DAMN RIGHT I'M HAPPY!

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Thursday, May 7, 2015

5.7.15 Bee-otch of the Day: Rick Snyder


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Name: Rick Snyder
Age: 58
Occupation: failing governor
Last Seen: Michigan
Bee-otched For: seeing his little road bill get shot down in flames

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Looks like the governor will have to find other ways of getting our roads fixed here in Michigan.

Yesterday, the voters did turn out and Prop 1 was a complete disaster, getting shot down 80% to 20%. The bill would have shot up the state's sales tax from 6 to 7% and given the state an extra $1.2 billion in road funding.

Since the bill was introduced, it had seen its fair share of opposition from folks like myself who claim that it would only benefit the wealthy in tax breaks. However, even Democrats like former Sen. Carl Levin appeared in ads supporting the bill.

Now, the state is looking into what they can do to fix the failing roads, especially with the potholes created by the hot summers and cold winters. Here's an idea: TAX THE FUCKING WEALTHY ALREADY!

You know, the Devoses are worth $7 billion and the Meijers are worth slightly more. Do they need all that money? NO! Oh, they do since they want to give the Repukes more money in kickbacks. Never mind.

Folks, the more money you make, the more you should pay in taxes. There's those in the middle class in Michigan who pay more than the wealthy! So why should the middle class - who tend to buy more with their money - be forced to spend more? Duh!

Well, the people have spoken. It's time for Michigan lawmakers to find a new way to fix the roads. If we voted Democrat last fall, this situation would be done. Jennifer Granholm was a helluva better governor over this clown. If there's anybody saving Michigan right now, it's Obama, not the Stuffed Turd.

And to think that he might be running for president in 2016. I guess I'll be moving to Canada....

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Wednesday, May 6, 2015

5.6.15 Bee-otch of the Day: non-voters


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Name: various
Age: various
Occupation: various
Last Seen: Michigan
Bee-otched For: not voting

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So if you came here thinking that I was going to blast Proposal One for passing/not passing. Well, here's the ordeal: I write my BOTDs usually around 7 p.m. at night and I get the thing posted at 5 a.m. the next day. I personally don't know if Prop 1 will pass or not.

Currently, the exit polls claim that it's not gonna pass, period. Sometimes, when people see that the majority of the people are going to vote 'no' anyway, they say 'fuck it' and avoid having to drive to the polling station, stand through a line and finally getting to vote. Well, that wasn't the case yesterday.

When I arrived at my polling station at around 2:30 yesterday, I had the place to myself. Literally. The people running the polling center told me that I was only the 104th voter in yesterday's election. That's right! I live in a town of nearly 50,000 people and I was #104.

True, the polls closed at 8 p.m., which translates into more people, but if 400 people came to vote, IMHO, I wouldn't be too surprised.

Folks, I vote because I want good things to happen. If you want something, you must do it yourself. I didn't vote in the 2000 elections, and we ended up with the worst president of all time. I think if people - especially those my age - voted, we could have more progress in our society instead of a government that's similar to The Jerry Springer Show. I'm still pissed over the outcome of the last election. But if people didn't vote yesterday, Prop 1 will raise our taxes and put more money into the pockets of the Devos family. We need to find better ways to fix our roads, such as taxing the wealthy.

Remember, a vote for Prop 1 is a vote for that guy above.

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Tuesday, May 5, 2015

5.5.15 Bee-otch of the Day: WOOD-TV


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Name: WOOD-TV
Age: 66 
Occupation: NBC affiliate
Last Seen: Grand Rapids, MI
Bee-otched For: proving that Facebook does a better job of reporting the news and forcing us to shut off the TV after SNL

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Did you know that the most-read BOTD of all time was the one with WOOD-TV back in 2011 for firing long-time news anchor Suzanne Geha?

Yep! Over 4,000 hits so far regarding my article on how our local NBC affiliate handled her dismissal, and I still get a ton of hits every week for the article. Even though I think they're the best news department regarding west Michigan TV, WOOD-TV still sucks and it kinda describes the rest of the west Michigan TV media as well. IMO, WZZM 13 is too cutesy (Juliet Dragos = skank), WXMI Fox 17 airs a lot of shit from Fox News Channel and WWMT 3 is owned by a company that hates Democrats.

When The Earthquake of the Century™ hit west Michigan on Saturday, I was expecting WOOD-TV to break into the hockey game (c'mon, WOOD, this is Red Wing country! They're out of the playoffs, so who cares?), but instead, they wanted official word from the US Geological Society to confirm that the earthquake happened. The quake happened at 12:23 and WOOD didn't run a scroll until a 1/2 hour later. As a matter of fact, they didn't air a news update until after the Kentucky Derby at 7:15 (however, their newscast did air on WOTV-4).

It's sad when something like this happens, that our local media is too fucking slow to respond. It was breaking news and with all the news stories that are overhyped, this one was definitely one of concern.

Oh, and I loved it when Old Man Steffen claimed that fracking had nothing to do with the earthquake. IT HAS, YOU DUMBASS! That and oil companies dumping their oil, drilling, pollution, you name it. This was the worst earthquake in Michigan in nearly 70 years and global warming doesn't have to do with it? Just ask California, which is under a massive drought.

But that's not the only thing grinding my gears regarding WOOD. Recently, the station joined 18 other NBC affiliates - i.e. KPNX Phoenix, WGRZ Buffalo, WKYC Cleveland and KUSA Denver - in showing a brand new Saturday night program called Your Move With Andy Stanley. The promos for the show look like those for any other NBC show, although the peacock logo is noticeably absent. Turns out that it's not an NBC show, but rather a paid religious program. According to the show's website, "If we’re honest, some pretty important decisions are made on Saturday nights. So that’s why we’re on right after SNL."

Andy is the son of Charles Stanley, another dipshit money-grabbing televangelist loon who hosts In Touch, which airs on WOOD-TV Sunday mornings. Oddly enough, Fox 17 also airs the same show on the same day 1/2 hour later. Thanks, but I prefer old Green Acres repeats on 17.2 better.

Personally, I wonder why in the hell WOOD and other NBC affiliates would want to air a wealthy televangelist on a Saturday night. If I owned an NBC station, I'd tell them to keep their money. Saturday night TV should be for fun, edgy shows like SNL and what's left of Fox's ADHD, not Bible thumpers!

Oh, well, at least there's Futurama reruns on CW7 at that time. WOOD can bite my shiny metal ass.


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Monday, May 4, 2015

5.4.15 Bee-otch of the Day: The Koch Bros.


Bee-otch of the Day honors are awarded Monday through Thursday, Bee-otch of the Week is awarded Friday on Chuck69.com.



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Names: Charlie and David Koch
Ages: 75, 80
Occupations: environment destroyers
Last Seen: ??
Bee-otched For: making Mother Nature sick

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At 12:23 p.m. on Saturday, I thought that I had a neighbor run through the hallway in my apartment building, causing it to shake. Or was it an overloaded washer shaking uncontrollably?


The weird shaking lasted for what seemed to be 15 minutes. I thought that I was on crack or something. So since I was on Facebook, I posted "so is it me, or did I just feel an earthquake?" My aunt responded that it was probably just a truck going down the road, but she responded about a minute later that she's been reading on her Facebook feed that her friends felt an earthquake too. I called my landlords and they felt one, too, and so did other tenants. I checked the local news media and they waited their sweet time to confirm that an earthquake rocked the area. About a 1/2 hour later, the first official reports came in, and the epicenter was near Galesburg, just outside Kalamazoo. The magnitude was originally a 4.0, but it was later changed to a 4.2.

Thankfully, there were no injuries and virtually no damage.

Michigan is definitely not famous for earthquakes. As a matter of fact, the last time I felt anything close to an earthquake, it was several years ago when an earthquake hit Illinois and it was barely felt here in GR. I noticed some high winds and that was it. The earthquake on Saturday was the worst Michigan felt since 1947 when a 4.6 one shook almost the same area.

So, how can a state like Michigan get an earthquake? Good question, but I think one huge answer is because quit frankly, our earth is sick. Years of fracking and other environmental fuckups have caused our temps to increase year by year which means more environmental bullshit like earthquakes, tornadoes and such. Michigan should never face earthquakes, period. Since Oklahoma allowed more fracking, the amount of earthquakes in that state have increased dramatically. Hell, California is under a massive drought in part because they've allowed more fracking, which means thousands upon thousands of gallons of fresh, drinkable water is wasted for that precious shale.

You know, I wish that we as a nation invested more into alternative energy, like solar and wind power and not plugging away at our nation's resources. Yes, I like low gas prices, but we need to steer clear of dumping smoke into our air and causing our water to blow up. But as long as the Kochs keep funding the Repukes, they'll always get their way.

In other words, keep voting Republican and that 4.2 quake could go up to a 10.

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