4.6.15 Bee-otches of the Day: Memories Pizza

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Name: Memories Pizza
Age: 9
Occupation: pizzeria
Last Seen: Walkerton, IN
Bee-otched For: making Jesus cry

---
Yesterday marked the day when Jesus escaped the tomb and ascended up to Heaven.

But when he comes back to Earth, I hope he has a little chat with the owners of Memories Pizza.

Since Indiana governor Mike Pence signed the anti-gay Religious Freedom bill a few weeks ago, many are now boycotting the state and some businesses are now thinking about leaving the it as well. Even worse, the hate is now coming out of the woodwork.

Last week, Memories Pizza in the South Bend suburb of Walkerton made headlines when Crystal O'Connor, who co-owns the pizza joint with her father Kevin announced that they would never cater to a gay wedding. Memories' interior is similar to a church, with flowers, crosses and Bible verses everywhere and even a piano.

Shortly after that fat cunt and her asshole father made their idiotic comments, the fireworks began. They got knocked down to a dismal two stars on Yelp and somebody even started up a fake website complete with penis-shaped pizzas and even a video of men making out with each other.

A few days later, Memories closed its doors. Many felt that it was a victory for gay rights, but the celebration was short-lived.

A GoFundMe site was created by a black man named Lawrence Billy Jones, a contributor to Dana Loesch's Glenn Beck's TheBlazeTV show. He believed that the O'Connor's religious liberties were being attacked, so he created the site. Word got out, and now, the father and daughter are now $842,592 richer.

Over 29,000 people contributed to the O'Connors, who usually make only $500,000 per year at their downtown Walkerton pizzeria. There's no word on if Memories plans to re-open, but chances are that the O'Connors could simply take the money and run.

According to Google, Walkerton - pop. 2,200 - only has one other pizza place, a biker bar called Club 23. Its fast food places include a McDonald's that's attached to a gas station, a Dairy Queen and a Subway.

You know, it's sickening when the right thinks it's a great idea to help those who believe that being gay is a choice when it isn't. The Bible doesn't explicitly talk about it outside of the Old Testament. To me, it's also like helping a businessman who closes his store because he "doesn't want to serve the coloreds". Personally, I'd rather buy my pizza from a place where there's bikers everywhere and 1970's butt rock blaring from the jukebox over a weird-ass place where the owners are homophobes. I wonder if any of that $842,592 will help a homeless person or somebody with cancer.

Instead, the O'Connors will probably try to prove that camels can go through needles. That, and maybe they can start their own gay lovefest with "Papa John" Schnatter.


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3.31.15 Bee-otch of the Day: John Engler

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Name: John Engler
Age: 66
Occupation: ex-Michigan governor
Last Seen: Grand Rapids
Bee-otched For: kissing pRick Snyder's ass

---I really don't miss the days John Engler was the governor of Michigan.

When Pothole Johnny was the head dickhead in charge, he screwed over our schools and roads were littered with potholes. You know, the same shit that's happening today here in our state. Even worse, Engler was our governor for 12 long depressing years.

So, what's the ex-gov doing now? Well, yesterday, he was the keynote speaker at the Peter F. Secchia breakfast at Grand Valley State University's Seidman College of Business. There, he spoke about how he feels that our current governor, Rick Snyder is bringing Michigan back on track in regards to the economy.

The fat pile of shit told WOOD-TV 8, "I remember leaving Michigan with a AAA bond rating and we had money in the bank. Then we saw a pretty precipitous decline for about 8 years and Governor Snyder has been able to turn that around." Fat Boy continued, "Just look at the numbers…that’s all you need to look at. You see under this governor the budgets are being passed by the legislature. We’re in the middle of a debate right now, but they’re also setting priorities and moving the state forward and they’re dealing with big issues."

So raising taxes on the middle class and busting the unions by making Michigan a Right to Work state will help Michigan's economy? Plus, proposing raising sales taxes by airing scary ads on TV that talk about the treacherous state of our roads will help things further? Fat chance, Johnny. After all, I remembered when he also raised sales taxes from 4 to 6% as a kid.

As governor, Engler privatized state services, raised taxes and screwed over pensions. What I'll never get is the fact that he was our governor for 12 years. Under Engler's reign, our state became the first state to have a whole K-12 public school system shut down because they ran out of money. I even remember signs at my school that said that if our bond doesn't pass, my school system would be next.

I can go on about Engler and his character, like the fact that he lived off of the government tit until he was 30 and even cheated on his first wife with his current wife, Michelle. I remember listening to Dave Barber back in the day and he talked about how his security even beat him up after he asked him about cheating on his ex-wife.

Guess what? I had the (mis)fortune of meeting Engler at Ford Airport here in GR after I got back from a trip from Arizona some years back. Apparently, we were on the same flight since the two of us were at the baggage carousel waiting for our luggage. People were asking him about the triplets, etc. But since I had come back from my mother's, plus listening to the pain and suffering Dave Barber went through, I kept my mouth shut. Besides, one of my packages was a big-ass computer tower and one of his people were nice enough to give it to me as it was coming my way.

I could care less about Engler's "accomplishments". Personally, I think this state really improved when Obama was elected and he and Jennifer Granholm worked together to save the automobile industry. Now that were stuck with 'ol pRick, God only knows what will happen in four years. Hell, I even heard that our state even has a "Religious Freedom Restoration Act" in the pipeline.

And WHY don't I vote Republican?

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3.30.15 Bee-otch of the Day: Mike Pence

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Name: Mike Pence
Age: 55
Occupation: governor
Last Seen: Indianapolis
Bee-othed For: being the most-homophobic governor in America

---In 1970, a Canadian named R. Dean Taylor became a household name because of a little ditty he wrote called "Indiana Wants Me".

The tune - which peaked at #5 on the Billboard Pop Charts - has a chorus that goes, "Indiana wants me, Lord I can't go back there". And thanks to a new bill that state's moronic governor has signed, some companies are now singing that same tune.

Last week, governor Mike Pence signed Indiana's Religious Freedom Restoration Act, which allows companies to basically reject people based on their religious freedoms. What this means is that if a black man or gay person walks into a shop owned by a Christian, the owner or manager could kick him or her out because that person offended their religious beliefs.

Basically, this law is to protect many Christian-owned companies, such as Chick-Fil-A and Hobby Lobby. Many of those companies believe that they don't need to give their employees free birth control or serve those they feel sin the most.

Because of this controversial ruling, several companies are now planning to move out of the state or simply won't expand. Angie's List had planned to expand its Indianapolis offices, but have now abandoned their plans. GenCon, a comic book convention has been canceled because of RFRA's passing. Even Tim Cook, Apple's openly-gay CEO has bashed the Republican governor for passing the bill.

To me, RFRA is simply the equivalent to what America did before the Civil Rights Movement was passed. There's so-called "Christians" who think that hiring blacks is sacrilegious because they should be slaves. Some refuse service to them just because they think all blacks are bad in their mindset. Personally, I try to avoid supporting businesses that call themselves "Christian" because many tend to view Jesus as somebody who doesn't support the poor or supports gun use.

The point is: WE'RE ALL SINNERS. WE'RE NOT PERFECT! If I was kicked out from a business for being me, damn right I would open a can of whoopass and attack them online! Look at what happened toDon Julio's Restaurant here in Grand Rapids: they kicked an Iraq War vet out because he had a service dog. Thanks to public backlash, the place ended up closing, and even today, the building is still vacant.

Republicans think that passing stupid laws that only protect business owners work, but they don't. Instead, they basically tell the middle class "fuck you". In the case of Mike Pence, his law simply says that Jesus loves your employer, but not you, or gays, blacks or those with faiths other than conservative Christianity. Sorry, but that's not the Jesus I grew up with.

Even worse, I have to drive through that boring-ass state to see my father in Kentucky. True, it's given us great things such as the Indianapolis 500, David Letterman, Garfield and Bob and Tom (OK, Bob and Tom isn't necessarily a good thing), it's a shame that the people of the Hoosier State have allowed this prick to pass this hate-filled law. Amazingly, even Indianapolis' Republican mayor is against the law, too.

Thankfully, Pence is up for reelection next year. Hopefully, unlike the abortion of an election year we recently had, Indiana will send this faux Jebus freak down the Wabash. Anybody who tries to turn their part of America into Jackson, MS in the 1950s is truly stuck in the past.

Indiana doesn't want him, but he's stuck there.

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3.26.15 Bee-otch of the Day: Rick Snyder

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Name: Rick Snyder
Age: 57
Occupation: governor
Last Seen: Ann Arbor, MI
Bee-otched For: scaring us into voting for his stupid proposal

---*SIGH..* Is it May yet?

It's amazing that we just went through another long,pitiful election year, and now, we have (GASP!) another election in May. This time, it's to determine if we the Michigan people want to raise our sales tax to help fix the state's crumbling roads.

Now, the man who is championing Proposal 1 is apparently using scare tactics to force people into voting for the proposal.

In one of the ads for Prop 1, a woman talks about the fact that she was on the freeway when a massive rock was picked up by a truck's tires and slammed into her windshield. The moral of the story it seems that if you don't vote for Prop 1, everybody's windshields will resemble hers.

In the five years I've owned my car, I've only had one rock thrown at my windshield, and it wasn't big at all. But, it was big enough to call my insurance company to have Safelite come over to seal the damage to eyelash status at no cost. I highly doubt if 99% of Michiganders have had a massive rock thwacked at their cars just because the roads are crumbling.

Thankfully, somebody did launch an ad to attack Prop 1. Sadly, I haven't seen it outside of YouTube. The pro-Prop 1 ads have been all over TV here in Grand Rapids and I've even seen one when I turn on my Slacker app on my phone. They do say that it will ad 15,000 jobs, but it's not about jobs, it's about where the money is coming from: us.

I have a hunch that a lot of the money - if Prop 1 passes - will end up in the hands of Snyder's wealthy buddies, namely the Devoses. It will go to building another winter home in Florida or even another Fox Motors dealership. No matter what, Michiganders are FUCKED because they're stupid enough to elect an asshole for her governor... TWICE.

When I think of failing roads, I remember the infamous I-35W bridge collapse in 2007 in Minnesota that killed 13 people. That bridge had been poorly maintained for years, sealing its demise. And who was Minnesota's governor at the time? Tim Pawlenty, a Republican. Now, the governor is Mark Dayton, a Democratic-Farmer-Laborer who raised taxes on the wealthy, and guess what? It's one of the fastest-improving states in the country, which is the COMPLETE opposite of what Snyder is doing.

Folks, it's getting tougher and tougher to be a normal person in Michigan. Already, I got less on my state tax returns because Snyder cut the homestead tax. Now he wants to raise more taxes? Sorry, but this is why I vote Democrat. The only reason why Repukes vote for their people is because they "don't want their taxes to go to the n*ggers in Detroit". Well, I DON'T WANT MY TAXES TO END UP IN THE HANDS OF THE DEVOSES!!! I think if people got off their asses and voted last November, we wouldn't see more of this shit on TV here in Michigan.

Don't look at me, I voted for Mark Schauer.

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3.25.15 Bee-otch of the Day: FCC

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Name: Federal Communications Commission
Age: 71
Occupation: broadcast regulators
Last Seen: Washington, DC
Bee-otched For: giving a TV station a huge fine over an editing error

---In this post-Janet Jackson nip-slip world, TV stations are a little scared to show just the slightest inch of skin.

But in the case of the ironically-named WDBJ-TV in Roanoke, VA, they're learning the hard way that just because they think nothing indecent passes their screens doesn't mean that they're not gonna get caught by the big, bad FCC.

On Monday, the government broadcast regulators slammed the CBS affiliate with a Notice of Apparent Liability for showing indecent content on a 6 p.m. newscast in 2012. The report was on a former porn star who joined a volunteer rescue squad. However, during the report, they showed an image of a woman stroking a man's erect penis on an adult website. The small image was on the edge of the screen, and was only shown for three seconds.

The FCC is proposing fining WDBJ $325,000, the highest-ever indecency fine for an individual TV station.

According to WDBJ President and General Manager Jeff Marks, he claims that the image was only seen on certain TV screens because the person editing the video did not see the image on the editing bay. Marks has a point, since on my TV, I have several functions for 16X9 function. One is called "just scan", which shows the FULL picture while the 16X9 function does show some cutoff from the 16X9 image. For an example: if there's a full-screen graphic, sometimes, the top part or bottom part is cut off because that image was formatted on a machine for 16X9 images.

Confusion and total dorkiness aside, I think that WDBJ made a mistake, but shouldn't pay such an embarrassingly-high fine over something that's beyond their control. Even though I've tried to find the video story online, I couldn't find it. But, I think most TV stations are very careful about the news stories they air and they make sure nobody is offended. After all, the 6 p.m. news is a show for people ages 1-101 and older and younger.

I understand, some kids might have seen that cure porn star treating that man's cock like it was a Shakeweight, and WDBJ should have been given a slap on the wrist. $325,000 is a kick in the nuts for any broadcaster. Hell, I see occasional indecencies during the national news all the time. A few weeks ago during the NBC Nightly News, they showed a football player wearing a shirt with Tupac Shakur holding two middle fingers. Later in the broadcast, Brian Williams apologized for the incident (and it's not the only time he's apologized this year, don't we know).

Only in America, where a TV station can show a guy all bloodied from violence and it's no biggie, but God damn us all if an erect penis is shown. In other countries, it's OK to show nudity, but thanks to the religious reich, America gets laughed at when one saggy mammary is shown. This is why if I were president, the FCC would go bye-bye.

Besides, doesn't the FCC have better things to worry about, like a certain broadcaster with a ton of silent radio stations in Michigan and Texas who makes up excuses as to why those stations are silent? I don't think there's copper thieves or a broken pipe....

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3.24.15 Bee-otch of the Day: Ted Cruz

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Name: Ted Cruz
Age: 44
Occupation: senator
Last Seen: Lynchburg, VA
Bee-otched For: starting his presidential campaign at the wrong spot

---If this schmuck ever gets elected president, he could be the first-ever commander-in-chief who'll be animated on South Park with his head detached from his body and all of his mentions of the word "about" as "uh-boot".

It's official: Ted Cruz is the first contender to run for president in 2016. He announced his bid on Sunday, selling his teabagger principles to the masses on Sunday. As president, Cruz would (wait for it) eliminate Obamacare and eliminate the IRS and go with a flat tax.

But guess where Cruz announced his run? None other than Liberty University in Lynchburg, VA, the infamous Christian college founded by the late - but not great - Jerry Falwell. Yes, the same Falwell who decided to blame gays, liberals and women for the events on 9/11 during an episode of The 700 Club with Pat Robertson just two days after that horrific event. The same Falwell who tried to save the struggling PTL ministry by going down their waterslide in a suit at their now-shuttered amusement park. And the same Falwell who unsuccessfully sued Hustler Magazine and publisher Larry Flynt over a Dewar's ad parody where he talks about the first time he had sex, and it was with his mother in an outhouse.

But it's not just the fact that Cruz decided to make his presidential bid at Liberty U., it's the fact that technically, he can't be president of the United States of America. Why? IT'S BECAUSE HIS FATHER WAS A CUBAN CITIZEN WHEN HE WAS BORN, AND HE'S TECHNICALLY CANADIAN!

Yes, Ted Cruz was born to an American mother, but his father was Cuban. He didn't become a naturalized US citizen until 2005. Even more, Cruz was born in Canada. I love the fact that Cruz and his fellow teabaggers cry about President Obama's US citizenship and the forever-moronic and untrue claims that he was from Kenya, but surprise! Ted Cruz is LESS QUALIFIED to be US president!

I don't give a damn, but in 2016, I'm still voting Democrat. I don't give a damn if Hillary is the frontrunner, but our country cannot afford a repeat of the 2000s. We need to stay the course with Obama's policies, which have created jobs instead of taking them away like Dubya did.

Maybe Mr. Cruz has breathed in too much oil.

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3.23.15 Bee-otch of the Day: Paul LePage

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Name: Paul LePage
Age: 66
Occupation: governor
Last Seen: Augusta, ME
Bee-otched For: pissing off his state's most-famous son

---
(Insert movie trailer announcer voice with smooth, creepy music): In the picturesque state of Maine, there's a horrific creature that's lurking and intends to scare the living daylights out of his victims. But instead, he just simply, well, (insert the sound of a needle scratching off the record) pisses them off instead.

And its name is Paul LePage (R-ME).
(Back to normal voice): Yes, the governor of the 23rd state of the USA is one creepy ass dude, and he's a pathetic liar to boot. On his weekly radio address, LePage told Maine's residents that several residents of the state now live in Florida as part of a tax loophole and to escape Maine's high taxes. One of them is none other than legendary author Stephen King.

He claimed that in his weekly radio address that even the former governor who introduced higher income taxes, Ken Curtis now lives in the Sunshine State to avoid paying yearly income taxes and even mentioned King and Roxanne Quimby, the founder of Burt's Bees.

Now, the governor is scrambling to erase the mentioning of King's Florida tax haven from his speech. The reason is because that that the "Salem's Lot" and "The Shining" author is not too happy. In a statement, King said that the governor is "full of what makes grass green" and "(wife) Tabby and I pay every cent of our state income taxes and proud to do so".

It is worth mentioning that LePage is one big, fat hypocrite when it comes to taxes too, and it's because his wife Ann was fined $1,400 for claiming Florida as her primary residence in 2010 to avoid paying them. Yet, she and Paul now govern the state.

Personally, I find the story quite funny. Stephen is a proud liberal who owns several radio stations in his hometown in Bangor, including a progressive talk station, WZON. He's done more good to his fellow Bangorians than the idiot teabagger will ever do to his own people. According to his Wikipedia page, LePage is a racist and even referred to lesbians as "little beards". Tragically, he recently won re-election by only 5%, so the fine people of Maine are stuck with this fat asshole for another few more years.

If this pig dies someday, he should be buried in a (ahem) Pet Semetary. 
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