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Name: Grand Rapids, MI
Age: 185
Occupation: 2nd largest city in Michigan
Last Seen: Kent County, MI
Bee-otched For: dying
Age: 185
Occupation: 2nd largest city in Michigan
Last Seen: Kent County, MI
Bee-otched For: dying
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As somebody who has lived here in west Michigan for most of a decade, all I can say is that I loved this town better yesterday than today.
When I came here full-time in 2002, I was in heaven. I started a new job, got my first apartment, and weekend-wise, I could go to a bar, Deja Vu in Kalamazoo or back up to mommy's near Traverse City.
Since then, my mother moved to Phoenix, some of my favorite bars - namely Ten Bells and Stooge's - shut down and now, both Grand Rapids and Kalamazoo have retarded strip club laws that prevent a hard-working man like me who doesn't have many friends from seeing naked bush. Back then, KLQ was the best damn rock station on the planet. Now, it's dead thanks to their idiotic general manager, Matt Hanlon, who'd rather throw emo rock fests on New Years Eve for 14-year-old girls and their mommies than to entertain those who make money and have brains.
But some things don't change. I've worked the same job for years and haven't seen a raise in quite some time. I look everywhere for a new job, and nada. But, I'm lucky. In the past few weeks, many places have announced massive layoffs, such as Steelcase and JCPenney's call center on 44th Street in Kentwood.
Today, as I look forward to my 30th Anniversary on this earth in a few months, I look back and think how Grand Rapids used to be a nice town. But thanks to the economy and people my age not working or being forced to move elsewhere due to the lack of jobs, Grand Rapids is dying.
And yes, Newsweek is right.
Recently, the weekly newsmagazine released the list of America's dying cities and Grand Rapids is 10th place. Thankfully, Detroit and Flint ranked higher (#1 is, of course, New Orleans). The magazine claimed that some of the factors included a shrinkage of the population - mainly amongst those under 18 - plus Michigan's economic woes leading to Grand Rapids getting an IV needle getting shoved up its veins.
Now, the city's residents are sticking up for their town. One such person is Mayor George Heartwell (I), who wrote a letter to Newsweek editor Tina Brown asking her to visit. In the letter, Heartwell claimed that Grand Rapids is alive and well and vibrant. During the city commission meeting last Tuesday, Heartwell brought up many points such as Michigan State University School of Human Medicine moving its campus to GR, $1.4 billion worth of downtown construction in seven years, the first J.W. Marriott hotel in the midwest being built, plus the fact that the city gave us ArtPrize and Van Andel Arena, which is giving us concerts from such acts as Kid Rock and Lady Gaga.
Ya know folks, I went to a WWE event last summer and the arena was only 1/2 full. Why? Simple: people don't have jobs. I hate my job, but I'm proud I have it. I'll admit that I've been doing some online dating, and the women on the site I go to have crappy jobs. I can't even go on a date because to many of these girls, days during the week are their weekends while I work Monday through Friday.
I love the fact that the city residents and leaders will boast such events and places as ArtPrize (Amway), the aforementioned J.W. Marriott (Amway), the opening of the Helen DeVos Childrens Hospital (Amway) and Van Andel Arena and DeVos Hall (Amway), Yes, Amway, which laid off many folks over the years and sent their jobs to China. Not to mention that the "anonymous donor" who helped the city of Grand Rapids shut down its strip clubs might have been Dick DeVos since the bill's organizer, Judy Rose appeared in an ad of his when he ran for governor four years ago.
I know. GR is much better off these days than Flint or Detroit. OK, we lost the GM plant on 36th Street and it was the only auto plant in town. Maybe that's why we're only in 10th place in the list of dying cities and not 8th or 9th. But, like I said, this town was much cooler 10 years ago than it is now. Now, I go into the Meanwhile Bar and the only woman who'll talk to me - other than the bartenders - is a prostitute hanging out in the Wealthy Market parking lot. Don't even mention Billy's or Mulligan's. If you see a black dude named Eddie who usually hangs out there, that's why. He likes to jack off in front of other men.
But here's a sad sense of reality: last week, I received word that my cousin and her family were moving from the Grand Rapids area to Denver. Her husband can't get work here. Right now, he's building a new Walmart in the Detroit area and once it's built, it's built. I think what George Heartwell needs to do is convince more manufacturing jobs to come here so the middle class can have a decent job with decent pay. Right now, too many folks like myself are squeaking by and this needs to stop.
In the end, I might end up moving. Then again, I abandoned northern Michigan 10 years ago and look at it now: a very vibrant downtown (Michael Moore), one of the best indie movie houses in the state, if not the country (Michael Moore) and a comedy festival from respected comedians and not liners fed to Betty White (Michael Moore). It's also worth noting that at least TC has better strip club laws; they do allow them as long as they're in zoned areas of town (not Michael Moore, but, well, a woman's body is protected under the First Amendment). But still, there's no jobs there, either. Hell, I have a friend in Kalkaska who has to work seven days a week just to keep a roof over his and his two sons' heads. Ever been to Grand Traverse Mall recently? Sad. Not to mention the fact that the town's two other movie houses still haven't made the conversion to stadium seating two decades after its introduction.
If you hate Michigan now, wait a few years. The Nerd will fuck it up even worse.
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Bee-otch of the Day is a production of Chuck69.com, Grand Rapids' site for Stern, politics and more!
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