10.26.11 Bee-otch of the Day: Lindsay Lohan

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Name: Lindsay Lohan
Age: 25
Occupation: huh?
Last Seen: Los Angeles
Bee-otched For: proving that she'll be dead in five years or less---

Ladies and gents, I just posted a picture of Lindsay Lohan's twat nugget.

Why? Simple. I want you to use your money elsewhere instead of whapping down $8 for an issue of Playboy.

Yes, as you know by now, Lindsay Lohan is posing nude for Playboy. The story was announced yesterday, and it's reported that the occasional actress will receive almost $1 million to pose nude for the mens' magazine.

Of course, this is not the first time Lindsay has posed nude for anything. Remember the infamous New York shoot where she posed as Marilyn Monroe? Understandably, those pics were "tasteful", only showing her saggy tits and an upper portion of her ass. No vagjazzle. But thanks to the paparazzi, we've known what it's looked like for years.

But there's a reason why she's doing it: she needs the money. She's been in so much trouble with the law over the years and to be quite honest, I don't know what she's doing now, and I don't care. But then again, that's what you get for having fucked up parents in the first place. It's a shame that she went from being a Disney princess to being a washed up skank. Sadly, IMO, Playboy is always a last resort in anybody's career. If your career's not going well, and your body's at its peak, give 'ol Hef a call.

Look, LiLo's gonna be dead in five years unless she gets her shit together. Her last movie was last year's Machete, and even that bombed. Her next movie's a stupid remake of The Underground Comedy Movie, which is being made by the Shamwow! guy. Will doing Playboy help her career? God only knows.

But I know one person who won't buy the issue: me.

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Bee-otch of the Day is a production of Chuck69.com, Grand Rapids' site for Stern, politics and more!

10.25.11 Bee-otch of the Day: Walmart

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Name: Walmart
Age: 49
Occupation: evil, oversized retailer
Last Seen: Bentonville, AR
Bee-otched For: telling newbies "fuck you"---

Reason #426,735,338 why I'll never shop at Walmart.

Last week, the nation's largest retailer announced that they will be scaling back on their employee health care. The chain will no longer offer health insurance to new part-time employees who work less than 24 hours. Also, the chain will cut employee expense accounts in half and will raise rates for those who use tobacco.

Ah, yes, the chain is cutting their costs alright, even though their CEO made over $30 million last year and each member of the Walton family is worth over $20 billion.

Of course, many companies are trying to cut their costs during this rocky economy and sadly, the first victim is employee health care. Several years ago, my company switched to an HSA - Health Savings Account - where they expect you to pay for a lot of your own insurance out of pocket. Has it been successful? Not really. Our company's profitability has gone up from last year, but then again, that's due to cuts given to we the employees. Many of us have seen our overtime disappear and even bonuses were given the heave-ho.

Sadly, Walmart is setting standards, and they're not good ones. If you're working at a Walmart and you're trying to feed your family, you're given the question, "why are you here?" Regretfully, you're just a drone making $12,000 per year while your bosses make way more with no room for improvement.

But, anybody who has seen Capitalism: A Love Story knows that Walmart profits off of their dead employees with a "dead peasant" policy, or at least they used to. If you're a current employee of the company, they had a life insurance policy put on you, and if you die, the company could collect millions off of your passing. You see, Walmart is the most-heartless company in the world. If you get sick and you work there, it sucks to be you.

Regretfully, it pains me that all I have in my area of Grand Rapids are big boxers, and Walmart's one of them. It explains why I've been shopping at Aldi more often. True, my dollars are going to Germany, but why would I want to support a chain that pisses on their employees like Walmart, or is overpriced like Family Fare/D&W or a bunch of rich Hollanders like Meijer? I would almost kill to have a supermarket in my area of town where I could shake the hand of the owner. Even more regretfully, Grand Rapids lost two family-owned supermarkets in just a few short months: D'Amico's and Parkside Foods.

The choice is yours. Support your local grocer or else you're going to end up like me. If you live in a small town with one supermarket - especially if it's family-owned - please shop there. True, you might pay a smidgeon more, but at least the markup will go into the hand of a man trying to pay off his mortgage instead of inbred billionaires from Arkansas. Tired of being a 99%-er? Blame it on yourself when you spend your dollars at Walmart.

Walmart: where screwing you over is our M.O..... Always. 

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10.24.11 Bee-otch of the Day: Sirius XM

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Name: Sirius XM Radio
Age: 21
Occupation: satellite radio provider
Last Seen: New York, NY
Bee-otched For: bringing a heaping pile of shit back to life---

When disco died in 1979, it should have stayed dead.

But, not according to Sirius XM.

Of course, we talked about the demise of the BBC Radio 1 channel a few months ago so the company could make way for the new Studio 54 channel. And it just had to happen the same exact time Britain was in turmoil because of the looting and rioting that took over the country.

Now, they're promoting their new channel by reopening the iconic club for one night.

Last week, Studio 54 was reopened to basically promote the new channel. Aside from winners from a contest, only 100 guests were allowed in, and several celebrities such as Keith Richards, Cameron Diaz and Kevin Bacon were spotted in the crowd. The event was simulcast on the Studio 54 channel.

True, Studio 54 was an American icon, but sadly, it was also a statement of rejection. Many were turned away from the club only because the bouncers thought that they didn't 'fit in'. If you weren't in, you weren't in. Thankfully, punk rock was starting to get popular only because it was the song of rebellion amongst those who were fed up with a bunch of black women singing dorky songs for gay dudes.

Thankfully, the punks won. In 1979, the fun ended for Studio 54 when the owners were caught embezzling cash and with drawers of cocaine. The club chugged along barely for a few more years until closing for good in 1991.

One man who is angry about Studio 54 reopening is none other than Howard Stern. On last Wednesday's show, he was angry because Sirius owes him big-time dollars. Yet, they're promoting a club that told the middle class man who works his ass off all week "fuck you". It's like MTV bringing back Jersey Shore after it was canceled; it's bringing back a whole new round of stupidity.

Because of this, I've decided to cut down on my Sirius subscription this time around. Why should I pay them $13 per month and only get three days per week of Howard and bad programming decisions? Instead, I just went with the internet subscription, which was only $8 per month for me. Thanks, but disco sucks.

Maybe Sirius will grow a brain and start a CBGB channel and reopen that club. John Varvatos would be pissed, but it would suck to be him.  

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10.20.11 Bee-otch of the Day: Pat Robertson

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Name: Pat Robertson
Age: 81
Occupation: snake oil salesman
Last Seen: Virginia Beach, VA
Bee-otched For: telling people to lose even more money---

Americans are struggling.

Right now, the average American is trying to make ends meet with loads of bills and hardly any money to pay them. True, the only true answers to reduce our bills are to get a raise and tax the rich, but thanks to the Tea Party and the Republicans, nuttin' doin'.

But the closest person to God on TV has the perfect answer: give to the church.

During a recent Q&A segment on The 700 Club as seen above, Pat Robertson was faced with a tough question from a viewer named Melissa. She says that she can't pay her mortgage and that tithing to her church is taking away from paying her bills. Pat responded by stating that when one doesn't give to their church, it's stealing from God. He recommended her to create a budget and maybe get rid of some of the things that's costing her.

OK, so even if I'm in the state of mounting debt and let's say that I've had to take a paycut to keep my job, or lose my job altogether and living off unemployment, I gotta give to some jerkwad who only works one day a week and driving around in a Lexus. Yeah, like I want that to happen.

When I was a teen, my father and I went to a well-known church in northern Michigan. We loved it in the beginning, but in the end, they wanted $1.7 million from their parishioners to add on to the church. Instead of sermons, we got sales pitches. Sadly, that's what churches are doing for sermons nowadays: sermons loaded with "Gimme money! Gimme money!" for over an hour.

Here's an idea: did you know that Pat Robertson is worth over a BILLION dollars? Hey Pat! Want this woman to keep tithing? HELP HER OUT! No wonder why Americans are struggling! Remember who helped got Reagan - who lowered taxes on the wealthy - elected: THE RELIGIOUS RIGHT! Remember who paid Hillary Clinton to shut up about improving healthcare in the 1990's: ROBERTSON!

Once again, it's people like Robertson who make me proud that I haven't been inside a church in Grand Rapids except to vote. Telling a woman struggling to make ends meet that she must donate to the church is like being choked by the Mafia. It's like a white trash whore I once dated in high school: she lived in a trailer with another trailer in her backyard with its roof caved in. Guess what I once saw on her kitchen table: an envelope from The 700 Club.

Proves a point, don't it?
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10.19.11 Bee-otch of the Day: Herman Cain

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Name: Herman Cain
Age: 65
Occupation: pizza man turned president wannabe
Last Seen: Las Vegas
Bee-otched For: being the only Republican with any ideas, and they suck---

From out of nowhere, Herman Cain could become the Republican Party's sole hope in defeating Obama.

But, his plan is nothing more than pure bunk.

In recent weeks, Cain's popularity amongst Republicans has exploded out of nowhere. Why? Because he actually has a plan: the 999 tax code. Under the Cain plan, there would be a 9% personal income tax, a 9% corporate tax and a 9% national sales tax. However, many contend that the Cain tax plan would raise taxes for just about everybody. In Tuesday's Republican debate in Las Vegas, Michele Bachmann claimed that the income tax would rise over time and Rick Santorum claimed that the Cain code would raise taxes amongst 84% of all Americans.

Cain has, needless to say, become something that's quite rare: a black man who's a member of a party that gets few votes from blacks. Growing up poor in Tennessee, Cain graduated from Purdue in 1971 with a masters in computer science. He worked for Coca-Cola and Pillsbury, working his way up to running Burger King, once a Pillsbury O&O. Under Cain's aegis, BK became the most-profitable burger chain in America.

However, it was another Pillsbury subsidiary, Godfather's Pizza, that made Cain a superstar. He was hired to take over the struggling chain by reducing their locations from over 900 to just 420, making them profitable. However, in 1988, he and a group of investors bought Godfather's from Pillsbury. He stepped down from Godfather's in 1996.

Over the years, Cain has been a CEO of the National Restaurant Association and the board member of several organizations, including Americans for Prosperity, which is funded by the Koch family.

But here's a good reason to hate Cain: he's rich. He's worth at least $2 million, and when it comes to the people marching for #occupywallstreet and similar causes, he told the media that if you're unemployed, it's your fault. Please. OK, so you're a teacher. Is it your fault that you have to work two jobs since they're chastising you because you work for the public sector? Is it your fault that the free trade laws that the Republicans helped to create caused your manufacturing job to be shipped overseas?

Look, Herman Cain moved up a ladder back when it was easy to do so. Now, no matter how hard one works, moving up just one step is beyond difficult because of the Republicans and their evil ways. It's not Obama's fault that the unemployment rate's over 9%, it's the Republicans and other politicians for bowing to Wall Street and giving failures kickbacks. If Herman Cain were to be president, we'll be back to Bush years again. Granted, having a fully-black president would be cool, but when it's an asskisser to wealthy white Repukes, God help us all.

Thanks, but I'm a Papa John's guy.
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10.18.11 Bee-otch of the Day: Randy Michaels

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Name: Benjamin Homel, aka Randy Michaels
Age: 60's
Occupation: president, Merlin Media and Radioactive, LLC; once ran Clear Channel
Last Seen: Middletown, OH
Bee-otched For: drinking and driving---

Tsk, tsk, tsk...

The man who helped to run down Clear Channel and Tribune might see some jail time in the future.

Benjamin Homel, better known to many in the radio business as Randy Michaels was arrested last Friday for drunk driving. His car was discovered by police between construction cones under an overpass, stuck in water and mud according to media reports. Police noticed that Michaels had the strong stench of alcohol on him, and transported him to jail after performing three field sobriety tests on the broadcaster.

Under the advice of his attorney, Homel refused a breathalyzer test. He has been charged with an OVI - operating a vehicle while impaired, which is Ohio's version of DUI - and driving on a closed street. He was bonded out of jail by his long-time pal, right-winged WLW gabber-slash-Jerry Springer lite Bill Cunningham. His bond was a whopping $615.

Michaels will appear in court this Friday.

Ya know, I never really liked Michaels. This is the prick who screwed over many media companies and most recently, cost New York and Chicago their only decent rock stations. I love karma. When people do bad things, they deserve to fuck up and get bit hard in the ass. Isn't there an FCC rule that convicted felons can't own radio stations? If so, Benny Boy may lose his shares in Merlin Media and Radioactive, LLC, which owns several stations in tiny markets, including a Top 40 station in Marquette.

So, there you go. Ben Homel fucked up and he might lose it all. If I were a fan of Q101, WRXP, WGN or any other station he destroyed, I'd be rejoicing.
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10.17.11 Hero of the Day: Trevor Slot

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A SPECIAL HERO OF THE DAY!
  

Name: Trevor Slot
Age: deceased, was 41
Occupation: fallen police officer, Walker Police Department
Last Seen: in the morgue
Awarded For: giving his life to help others---

West Michigan has lost another hero.

Last Thursday, Walker Police officer Trevor Slot was only doing his job. There was word of a bank robbery in Ravenna, near Muskegon, and the suspects were barreling down I-96 in a red pickup truck. Although he was scheduled to work only in traffic court that day, Slot knew that he had to stop these people from causing more harm, so he joined in. He called his wife and it was off to stop the two.

Sadly, as he was setting up spike sticks designed to stop the truck, the driver hit Slot and ran him over. Not long afterward, he was dead.

After a shootout with police, the two suspects, 36-year-old Kris Cheyne and 32-year-old Derryl LaFave were killed. The people that knew the two knew them not as bank robbers, but as friends. Oddly enough, the two met while they were in jail and became friends. Even more odd was that Cheyne was in for bank robbery.

Slot left behind two young children and a wife, who has cancer. In an e-mail to local NBC affiliate WOOD-TV, Kimberly Cheyne apologized for her late husband's actions, saying that she's deeply troubled over what happened. She, like Slot's wife, is also battling cancer.

Since the shooting, tons of love and support have been made to Officer Slot, a man who died protecting the people of west Michigan. A candlelight vigil was held Saturday night and his wake and funeral are this week.

True, what Slot did was routine to stop fleeing robbers. The two men were nothing short of being chickens for what they did. I know, the economy sucks, but there's better ways of supporting your family than robbing a ChoiceBank. They were cowards, and now, two women with cancer are now without husbands.

But, let's never forget what Slot did: saved lives. He gave his life to others and the other members of the Walker Police did the same by dodging the twos' bullets. I hope the two burn in hell for what they did.

Thank you, Officer Slot.
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