12.18.17 Bee-otch of the Day: Warner Bros.

BECOME AN AFFILIATE OF T-SHIRT HELL AND MAKE SOME MONEY!

Bee-otch of the Day honors are awarded Monday through Thursday, Bee-otch of the Week is awarded Friday on Chuck69.com.

-------

Name: Warner Bros.
Age: 94
Occupation: movie giant
Last Seen: Burbank, CA
Bee-otched For: shooting their eye out

--
It's never a good idea to take a dump on the Mona Lisa.

In 1974, TV distributor National Telefilm Associates made a clerical error on its renewal for the copyright of "It's a Wonderful Life". As a result, the film fell into public domain and NTA no longer received royalties from the Jimmy Stewart classic. So, in the mid-80s, they decided to do something that pissed off some, but others thought that it was kinda cool: they colorized the film.

Yep! Nothing like using good 'ol 1980s digital technology to make a mint condition film look totally gaudy, just so they can try to lure the generation raised on color television into their grasp. True, one can set their TV to black and white, but why ruin a classic?

Now, it's "A Christmas Story"'s turn. No, the film was not colorized, though it's already in color. But its owner still had the audacity to wreck the 1983 classic.

When it was released 34 years ago, 'ACS' was only a modest hit at the box office, making $19 million (about $47 million in today's dollars). However, it grew a cult following over the years thanks to home video and showings on cable. In 1986, the film, with other MGM films were sold to billionaire Ted Turner who ended up selling out to Time Warner in 1996. In 1997, cable network TNT decided to show 'ACS' for 24 hours on Christmas Day and in recent years, both TNT and TBS have devoted to showing the film in a 24-hour marathon.

True, one could blast the two channels for cramming in commercials and even speeding up the film to air more ads, but sadly, Warner has gone too far. So far, that what they did was more idiotic than sticking your tongue on a frozen flagpole.

On Sunday, "A Christmas Story - LIVE!" aired on the Fox Network. It was supposed to be a revamped version of the classic Christmas movie, but sadly, it was a fucking abortion. It was a musical and the songs were pretty fucking annoying. I knew it was in trouble when it opened up with a song by the ironically-named Bebe Rexha singing some dope-ass tune about Christmas. It seemed that the special had a song every two minutes. It was enough for my TV to be muted most of the time.

Matthew Broderick played the narrator for the special, but he was no Jean Shepherd. As a matter of fact, I wonder if Mr. Shepherd - who died in 1999 at age 78 - is spinning in his grave right now.

The sad thing is that I love SNL but Maya Rudolph, Ana Gasteyer and Fred Armisen couldn't save this disaster. Plus, from what I've heard, the Chinese men during the "turkey dinner" portion weren't even saying "rah rah rah" like they did in the original. As a matter of fact, that, plus making Flick a black kid showed how PC they really wanted to make this new 'ACS'.

The point is, the night before, I decided to watch the original. Now, I have to see it again to wash out any trace of this disaster from my brain, and it's going to take more than Lifebouy or worse, bleach.

Yes, it's always nice to see a revamped version of a classic. But in the case of 'ACS', they needed to leave it alone. The original is enough. Making the story into a dopey musical just ruins the essence of Shepherd's storytelling. But sadly, since Warner owns the rights, they can do whatever they wanted to do with it.

Whoever green lighted this disaster must be a real Scut Farcus.
  --

Got a Bee-otch to nominate? E-mail us @ chuck69dotcom@gmail.com. All suggestions (except for me) are welcome!

Bee-otch of the Day Archives can be seen on http://beeotchoftheday.blogspot.com

Bee-otch of the Day is a production of Chuck69.com, Grand Rapids' site for Stern, politics and more!

CHUCK69.COM IS ALWAYS ON!