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Name: The City of Kalamazoo
Age: 182
Occupation: The Mall City
Last Seen: southwestern corner of Michigan
Bee-otched For: kissing poontang goodbye
Age: 182
Occupation: The Mall City
Last Seen: southwestern corner of Michigan
Bee-otched For: kissing poontang goodbye
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On New Years Eve, I had many options on what to do that day.
I could have gone to downtown Grand Rapids and listen to shitty emo-pop brought to us by Citadel Broadcasting and Amway with 35,000 people. Hell, I could have gone to a bar in Eastown and get hit on by Eddie the Big Black Homo.
But instead, I said goodbye to an old friend, and hopefully, it's for now.
2011 so far has been a dream for right-wingers, teabaggers and Republicans, especially since Rick Snyder is now our governor. It's expected that Michigan will start to see a huge resurgence in jobs thanks to *GASP* former Governor Jennifer Granholm and President Obama, but let's watch Snyder fuck it all up again.
Now, another Jebus freak dream has come true: the Deja Vu strip club in Kalamazoo has been demoted to a bikini club.
Effective Midnight on New Years Day, the Vu can no longer feature full-frontal nudity because of an agreement with the city that was made several years ago. I visited the club that night and it was still full-nude up until about 11:30. At 11:20, the DJ asked all available girls to come to the dressing room upstairs and at 11:30, the girls started to appear with pasties on their nipples. At midnight, the last bottomless dance was made on-stage and afterward, it was pasties and G-strings only.
I left at 12:05 and told the people walking into the club "welcome to Nazi Germany" as I walked out to my car.
The news media couldn't get any comments from the club, although some dancers did tell them that they would cover up. Under the new law, anybody who shows an ounce of skin will be charged with a misdemeanor with a $500 fine and up to 90 days in jail.
Well, since I'm a blogger and not part of the news media, I did talk to a few girls. Some of them told me that the management told them that they're hoping that the law will only be temporary due to loopholes. One told me that she feels that the law discriminates against women with small breasts since their neither regions make up for what's up there. One even told me that chances are that Deja Vu may consider moving to another town close to Kalamazoo where the rules aren't as stringent.
The saga began in the early 2000's when the Vu was originally located close to downtown in Washington Square. The building was an old adult theatre called Cinema X and was converted into a strip club in the 1980's. It eventually became a Deja Vu. However, the building was starting to show its age and was small comparing to other Deja Vu locations. So, the club's owners asked the city if they could move the club to an old restaurant building next to the Wings Stadium hockey arena. Needless to say, the two sides went back and forth.
Eventually, the Vu's owners had another plan: buy out another club, and they did. They bought out the old Mermaid Lounge - a topless club that served alcohol - and moved into their old building, which was quite large. One side was the Mermaid, the other being the Vu with a shop selling adult toys and novelties in the middle. But, the company wanted a newer, nicer and more-upscale building for the clubs. The city agreed, but on one major term: on January 1st, 2011 at midnight, the city would pass an ordinance that banned full-nudity.
Sadly, the club's owners didn't fight the city and it was business as usual for six years. Like I said, one dancer claimed that the club's lawyers would find a loophole, but good luck. The strip club owners of Grand Rapids had been trying to fight the city regarding the same ordinance since 2006 with no results. Even the city mayor, George Heartwell, who's also an ordained minister, said in an interview that there's no link between strip clubs and violence.
Right now, in all of west Michigan, there's only one strip club with full nudity, and it's Muskegon's Odyssey. From what I've heard, that club is, well, something else (and despite what people think about me, I've only been to a small handful of clubs, and the Odyssey's not one of 'em.). Otherwise, it's a 65-mile drive for anybody from Grand Rapids (or 75 miles from Kalamazoo) to the Deja Vu in Lansing.
One of the people who pushed to bring this law into reality is the butta-faced bitch you see above, 44-year-old Kalamazoo County Treasurer Mary Balkema. She used to be a city commissioner and pushed the ordinance into law. She told local NBC affiliate WOOD-TV "we legislate morality every day. For instance, we say do not kill and if you kill, we will prosecute you to the full extent of the law." Basically, she compared nudity to murder. Oh, please. She even told a reporter that the main reason for the ordinance is to "protect families and children".... FROM WHAT?!?
Mind you, this is the same Mary Balkema who pushed to get voters of the city of Kalamazoo to vote no on a proposal that would give homosexuals living in the city special benefits back in 2009. She even passed anti-gay flyers all throughout the city. Thankfully, the bill passed, proving how STUPID Balkema is.
Balkema seems to be wanting to become the city's nudity czar; she even told WOOD-TV that she wanted to come to Deja Vu after midnight to make sure that the laws were complied with. So far, law enforcement has said that they haven't heard any complaints since the law was enforced.
Balkema is a Republican (duh), and serves on several boards including the Kalamazoo Gospel Mission and the Boy Scouts. She's also one of the Board of Directors of the Kalamazoo County Land Bank. She's apparently the owner of Balkema Construction, which is located on 1131 Whites Road, Kalamazoo, MI 49008 (go ahead and send out porno mag subscriptions to her).
Folks, when was the last time LOOKING at a woman's private parts killed somebody? Idiots with guns kill people everyday but the gun stores that sell them the guns remain open. This isn't about "protecting children", this is about Republicans and Jebus freaks trying to make you bow to them. Remember, this law was passed during the Bush administration when this country thought that he was doing one heckuva job. Sadly, this job will force the women who work there to find (likely) worse jobs that will hardly pay their rent. It should be up to a woman if she wants to expose herself to another man, not a group of unliberating Republicans.
Remember folks, here in Grand Rapids, two bars have shut down in recent years - Margarita Grill and Tap's - due to murders outside their clubs. Hell, last year while I was at Mulligan's, a black man named Eddie tried to extort sex from me, even though I constantly refused. Not to mention, a prostitute tried to extort sex from me also last year in front of the Meanwhile Lounge. Yet, these two bars still remain open. I've been to Deja Vu in Kalamazoo many times, and NOT ONCE have I seen one fight, or have had a dancer beg me for sex. It's a classy operation where people behave and had fun prior to the new ordinance.
Here's an idea to Deja Vu's owners: how about moving to an area between Kalamazoo and Grand Rapids? How about near the Gun Lake Casino? If they can accept gambling there, then nudity shouldn't have to be a major problem. There's probably a few small towns in that area that are struggling to survive, and having a strip club wouldn't be that much of a problem. Just a thought.
But until then, thanks, Kalamazoo. I no longer have any reason to visit your town.
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Bee-otch of the Day is a production of Chuck69.com, Grand Rapids' site for Stern, politics and more!
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