12.2.19 Bee-otches of the Day: Jebus freaks

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Name: various
Age: various
Occupation: Jebus freaks
Last Seen: everywhere
Bee-otched For: kissing the asses of the wrong people
 

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With the holidays in full bloom, we are all busy going to stores to buy our loved ones things that will either be the best gift ever or shit that goes into the closet.

Some will be nice enough to give to the less fortunate this holiday season. Others will end up giving whatever extra money they have to, well, the wrong people.

Enter my second-oldest uncle. He's 63, never married and never had kids. I don't even think he's ever had a girlfriend. He lives in a trailer park in the Detroit area and works stocking shelves at a local Meijer. He's had his fair share of problems, sadly. He had drug issues in the 1970s and didn't graduate high school until he was 20. As a matter of fact, he graduated with my middle aunt, who was two years younger than he was. He spent many years working at a local Chevy dealership as a gofer in the service department. However, the dealership hired a new manager, and the two didn't get along. He was fired and spent the next few years jobless.

One thing I noticed when I would go over to his trailer is that he sadly watched a lot of religious programming, such as EWTN and TBN. One time, he gave me a miniature statue of Jesus and told me that he got it from giving TBN $25. Well, I told my father and since Grandma was helping him, it lead to having a little heart-to-heart between him and others in the family.

You see, if I was broke on my ass, I would NEVER give a wealthy preacher money, let alone a scandal-prone operation like the Trinity Broadcasting Network. I've even tried telling my uncle about how founders Paul and Jan Crouch's 13-year-old granddaughter was raped by a TBN employee and Jan blamed HER for the rape. They fired the guy, but didn't press charges against him. In the end, a judge ordered TBN to pay her $2 million. But in my uncle's case, what I said went in one ear and out the other.

Well, on Facebook this past weekend, my uncle decided to post something that pissed me and other members of my family off. It was a picture of my cousin and his wife, calling them "true Christians" and thanking them for making him a Catholic. My father and I talked about it and the sad truth is that many in my family have told him about how dangerous my cousin is, especially when his mom and my aunt was dying last year of brain cancer. But like I said, in one ear and out the other. One of my other cousins even posted the words "Matthew 7:15".

To me, a "true Christian" doesn't take his cancer-stricken mother out of her nursing home without her meds and a change of clothes, takes her to his apartment and makes her sleep on a filthy mattress on his floor, causing her to have a seizure. A "true Christian" doesn't fucking lie to his family that his mother wanted to be interred in a fucking MAUSOLEUM instead of the family plot after she already stated that she wanted to be buried there. Sorry, but if that's your attitude, you are an asshole, plain and simple.

You see, my cousin has ADHD. I've noticed that people with that disorder have the tendency to lie their asses off to get their way. I used to know a guy with ADHD who was also a Jebus freak. One time, he told me that God created people like me to show that he's better than I was. He hid behind several user names on a popular message board and also told me that I was an "$8 per hour loser from Easttown" in Grand Rapids. Well, karma hit him hard because his businesses failed and his wife left him. Last I heard, he was now living in a trailer and his new wife was funding his new business.

My aunt's other child, sadly, is also a Jebus nut and treated her mom like shit when she was dying. Hell, when my aunt was on her death bed, they were in Michigan visiting her in-laws and didn't bother to see her. Her excuse was "we'll be back next month", and yet, my aunt was about a week or two before dying. This is the same fucking cousin who sent me a family group letter blasting my praise for Michael Moore's "Fahrenheit 9/11" while she was kissing Mel Gibson's racist, anti-Semite ass for "The Passion of the Christ". She bitched that we should praise the president, no matter what. OK, so we need to praise an asshole whose stupidity killed 3000 innocent people on 9/11 and 4000 more in all the fake wars he started. Meanwhile, Mel Gibson used the profits from 'Passion' to build a private church on his property while Moore used his from '9/11' to buy and restore two abandoned buildings in my hometown of Traverse City, MI including a legendary movie theater for all to visit.

The sad thing is that both my cousins from my late aunt are Jebus freaks. Neither of them have had real jobs and both live in bigger houses than me. They use their faith to bash others and it's one reason why I denounce organized religion. To me - and to quote one Mr. George Carlin - it's one big club and I ain't in it.

Years ago on his show, Howard Stern once proclaimed that Jesus was the greatest man who walked the Earth. However, it's right-winged kooks who have all ruined his good name. They're the same fucktards who call Drumpf the greatest president ever despite the fact that he doesn't go to church on Sunday and is a traitor to America, and yet, they think that a REAL Christian like Obama is the Antichrist. They're the same assclowns who use the profits from their pillow-making business to fund a lie-filled anti-abortion movie and yet when a loudmouth yenta on Fox Propaganda Channel loses her sponsors over spreading shit about school shooting victims, they'll step in to fill those spots with their ads. They're the same shitheads who religious kooks turn to to "protect their family" from Howard Stern and other shock jocks on the radio, and yet they end up in prison for raping young boys. The list is endless.

The sad thing is that my cousin is obsessed with his Catholic faith. And yet, 5,000 new cases of sexual abuse are now in the pipeline with the Church looking to potentially lose over $4 billion. Honestly, I don't know why ANYBODY would want to go to a church that's depressing and to me, confusing as fuck.

The reality is that IMHO, friendly atheists are more godly than hateful Christians. If you say shit like "God hates you" and the aforementioned "God created you to make me look better", you're the reason why too many people are quitting church in droves. God is good, but not you. Personally, if you give a bum on the street gift cards to Burger King (I would say "money", but you don't want them to go to the liquor store instead) as opposed to a big, fake megachurch, I think you're a better person. 

If there's any good news in all this, it's that on October 10, 2018, my mother moved back here to Michigan and now lives just down the road from me. Aside from my first aunt in the Detroit area and her family, she's the only real family I have left in Michigan. Now that I'm pretty much alienated from certain members of my family, I'm happy she's home. Yes, it's just us for major holidays, but simple is better than hearing from various assholes about how Drumpf is God and is "trying to save America and blah blah blah" at the dinner table. I might not have a five bedroom mcmansion on a lake near Detroit or even married, but to me, still having a mother is most important of all.

When it comes to kissing the asses of everybody's enemies, the great Trent Reznor said it best: "bow down before the one you serve, you're gonna get what you deserve".

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