Monday, November 18, 2019

11.18.19 Bee-otch of the Day: Kanye West

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Name: Kanye West
Age: 42
Occupation: rapper
Last Seen: Houston, TX
Bee-otched For: causing a Ruckus

Once upon a time, there was an awesome rapper named Kanye West.

He had great songs like "Gold Digger", "Flashing Lights", "Stronger" and "Niggas in Paris". He was a champion for the people, proclaiming that "George W. Bush doesn't care about black people" during a benefit for Hurricane Katrina victims.

And then, he put on a leather jacket, jumped on his Harley and jumped it over an above ground standing pool with a shark in it. After doing so, he stuck out his thumb and proclaimed, "eyyy!"

For starters, he married a golddigger, Kim Kardashian in 2014. Together, the two have four kids: North, Saint, Chicago and Psalm. And I thought Frank Zappa was the master of giving his kids weird names. But then, he decided to come out of the woodwork, dressed in a certain red hat.

That hat, of course read "Make America Great Again".

Because of this, Drumpf invited Ye to the White House where he talked up a storm to the orange cheeseball. But that wasn't the end of Kanye's descent into stupidity.

Recently, he recorded a Gospel Rap album called "Jesus is King". It debuted at #1 on the album charts despite mixed reviews from critics. As a matter of fact, it sold 264,000 units, making it the seventh-biggest debut album of this year so far. But guess what? Tool's "Fear Inoculum" did a helluva lot better in 6th place with 270k units sold. Of course, Tool's Maynard James Keenan is notorious for being anti-organized religion, especially since his mother was a religious turd.

Well now, Ye has really done it this time. This past weekend, he and his Sunday Service Choir appeared in front of 16,000 morons who showed up at Lakewood Church in Houston, TX, formerly the Summit Arena, the former home of the Houston Rockets NBA team. Allegedly, he was paid $300,000 to appear at the church, run by snot-nosed televangelist Joel Osteen. Osteen - who is worth an estimated $60 million - made headlines in 2017 when he refused to open his church to shelter those affected by Hurricane Harvey. Only after he received scrutiny from his critics that he opened the church up, covering his ass with "we had to keep our own people safe". Suuuuuure.

Now, Ye is calling himself a self-proclaimed billionaire, even though he's worth $250 million. Funny that he's also calling himself Christian because of, well, that little passage in the Bible where Jesus has a little talk with a rich young man that involves a camel going through the eye of a needle.

Kanye has turned himself into a near-carbon copy of Ruckus, the angry old black man from the comic strip and Adult Swim cartoon series The Boondocks. Rucks is a typical Uncle Tom who bows to whites and Republicans and is racist to his own kind. However, Ruckus is poor and, well, stupid.

To me, a celebrity who "finds Jesus" is surly going to have a downfall. Just ask Mel Gibson. IMHO, the days of Ye making good songs is over. Yes, he's gained some new fans in the Jebus freak market, but for any fan of his longing for his brand of sophisticated rap, we can all kiss those days goodbye. "Jesus is King" is the "St. Anger" of the rap world; but unlike Metallica, don't expect Ye to rebound.

Funny how this album gets released several weeks before Christmas. In the great words of Norm MacDonald, "happy birthday, Jesus! I hope you like crap!"


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