Monday, March 5, 2012

3.5.12 Bee-otch of the Day: Andrew Breitbart







Bee-otch of the Day honors are awarded Monday through Thursday, Bee-otch of the Week is awarded Friday on Chuck69.com.


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Name: Andrew Breitbart
Age: dead
Occupation: right-winged blogger
Last Seen: in a morgue
Bee-otched For: being a waste to humanity
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Last week, two well-known celebrities died of heart attacks.

One was 66, the other was just 43.

The 66 year-old was a vegetarian who was in good health. The 43 year-old looked like he never met a Big Mac he didn't like.

The 66 year-old was a Monkee, the 43 year-old was a big, fat ape.

The Monkee, Davy Jones was a man who was well-loved until the day he died last week. As the leader of the first-ever made-for-TV band, his boyish looks and charm helped the group sell more records than the more-established Beatles and Rolling Stones in the late 1960's. Jones kept recording and performing even after the band officially disbanded in 1970, even during many reunion tours. Of course, it was MTV who made The Monkees cool again in the 1980's by showing old episodes of the show on Sunday afternoons (even naming their marathons "Pleasant Valley Sundays").

Since news of Jones' death, tributes have been pouring in. Even the cable network Antenna TV paid tribute last weekend by airing all 58 episodes of The Monkees and even playing their 1968 movie Head a few times (which got a G-rating despite drug use and even the presence of a well-known topless dancer in the movie itself).

My aunt probably had the best Facebook post regarding Jones' death. When she was just 13, she met three out of the four Monkees as part of a "Meet the Monkees" contest from Detroit radio station WKNR (now progressive talker WDTW). She has met many celebs in her day (her husband once worked for TimeWarner), but meeting Davy Jones and at least two of the Monkees will be a day she'll never forget. When her oldest son texted her that Davy had died, she basically said that her heart sank. As for me, I posted on Facebook and Twitter that we were all Monkees today, and got a few likes.

But just a day later, there was another celebrity death from myocardial infarction, and it was that of controversial blogger Andrew Breitbart.

Breitbart died last Thursday when a bystander jogging down a Los Angeles area street found him collapsing. His passing shocked many, even a few liberals such as Family Guy creator Seth McFarlane (who Tweeted a picture of him and Breitbart having a few cold beverages at a bar) and Arianna Huffington, whose popular website was co-founded by Breitbart.

Breitbart was the owner of Breitbart.com and many other sites. His M.O. was basically to rid the world from anything liberal and Democratic. How? By making lies about them, creating unproven conspiracy theories and even bullying them. When I heard the news about his passing, I posted on Facebook and Twitter "Andrew Breitbart, your 15 minutes of fame are up". Sadly, one of my conservative followers got pissed and ended up emailing me a video of Breitbart yelling and screaming at protesters at a Glenn Beck rally in Chicago. Like that will change my perception of him.

And sadly, that conservative is my own mother.

I know, it's not nice to badmouth the dead, but there are exceptions to the rule. Andrew was one of them. How dare he take out-of-context speech and cause one of Obama's cabinet members to lose her job! He was just another loser who spent more time in front of a computer than focusing on the true facets of life. True, his sites made money (unlike this site you're reading right now), but damn, he needed to get off his fat ass and exercise! No wonder why he kicked the bucket at 43.

When you make up too much shit online and you look like an old man, it's a sign from God that you need to get off the 'puter for a while. Andrew was too embroiled in his untrue lies and theories that it took over his health. Christ, look at Rush Limbaugh. I wouldn't be too surprised if his excessive smoking and drug use will kill him in a few years. Plus, he did have heart problems a few years ago.

Oh, and he's tomorrow's Bee-otch of the Day for what he said to Sandra Fluke. Just letting you know that I haven't forgotten about him.

The point is, Andrew won't be missed, at least by me. The world's got too many low-intelligent assholes as-is and he was nothing more than a bully on the web and in real life. Davy Jones entertained millions with his music and put politics aside (OK, "Last Train to Clarksville" was an anti-war tune, but still), but Andrew wasn't all that likable.

Yes, 43's too young to die, but Andrew Breitbart lived too long.  
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