11.12.20 Bee-otch of the Day: organized religion

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Name: organized religion

Age: millions
Occupation: pissing off Jesus since forever
Last Seen: everywhere
Bee-otched For: making major league mistakes

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When the news was announced Saturday morning that Joe Biden became the president-elect of the United States, I'll betcha that many of television's fake preachers had tiny heart attacks.

A few weeks ago, Pat Robertson of The 700 Club told his viewers that God personally told him that Drumpf would be getting a second term, plus the end days would be near. At 90 years old, I hope Pat's end days will be coming soon.

And then there's Kenneth Copeland. Earlier this year, he "prayed away" COVID-19. It was even the inspiration for a gaggle of parodies. Now, COVID-19 is as bad as ever with 6,500 new cases here in Michigan alone. The other day, Copeland made headlines when during one of his services (and not a single facemask in sight), he did a fake laugh when he announced that Joe Biden was now the President-Elect of America. And yes, it was remixed, too.

Now, this week comes word that the Catholic Church knew for years that Pope John Paul II knew that former cardinal and bishop Theodore McCarrick was abusing children and seminarians. McCarrick was defrocked last year because of the allegations. 

You know, it's funny how we look up to others to teach us to be better humans, especially preachers. Sadly, too many of them are all about money, greed and just about everything the Bible itself preaches against. One hot button issue for decades was porn. It seemed that virtually everybody who has ever told us that porn is bad for you turned out to be awful human beings. In the 1960s, Charles Keating was an anti-porn activist who founded Citizens for Decent Literature. He financed the propaganda film "Perversion For Profit", which starred Los Angeles TV newsman George Putnam. In the 1980s, Keating got caught up in the Savings and Loan scandal, which threw him in jail for 4 1/2 years. 

There's also the great Ronald Brown, who was one of the stars of a Christian children's show called Joy Junction from the 1980s. In a segment of the program that has gone viral, Ron and his puppet, Marty, talk about staying away from looking at "dirty pictures". However in 2013, Brown was sentenced to 20 years in prison for having more than 200 images of child porn on his computer. He also participated in chat rooms where he discussed killing and dismembering children. 

And don't get me started on one of my old pastors from my high school days, a douchebag named John Clark. In the 1990s, I attended his Wednesday night youth group at New Hope Community Church near Traverse City. Things were cool and groovy in the beginning until he decided to split the youth group between middle and high school kids. The middle schoolers got to smack each other with dodgeballs while the high schoolers all sat in small groups. There, I was asked personal questions about sex and my true feelings about it. Sadly, it was embarrassing. Basically put, Clark shamed us teens for thinking about it because of the verse in the Bible where Jesus talks to a bunch of men. He tells them that if you lust over a woman, you're committing adultery to your heart. Well, my father and I quit New Hope because we were tired of the guilt trips and the fact that their pastor wanted us to hand over $1.7 million for a new auditorium. Not long afterward, Clark started his own ministry, West Side Community Church, west of Traverse City. Last year, it was discovered that Clark and his wife, Michelle were embezzling money from parishioners. Last December, Clark blew his brains out. His body was found in his backyard. 

Sadly, it seems that everybody who speaks out against sin are worse sinners themselves. The Ten Commandments says "Thou Shalt Not Steal" but the closest it gets to watching porn is "Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery". In the Ronald Brown video, he talks about "fleeing from wicked things", but what is purely wicked? 

The sad thing is that the world of organized religion is worse than many of the strip clubs I've ever visited. I know, some of you will say shit like "Harry Mohney is a convicted felon, too!" and the shit that's going on with Ron Jeremy. I know, it ain't perfect. However, the sex business doesn't sell out God like scumbags like Pat Robertson, Kenneth Copeland and the Catholics do. 

I know, many liberals like Michael Moore, Cardi B (yes, the "Wet Ass Pussy" rapper) and President-Elect Biden are devout Catholics. Good for them. If they want to avoid the scandals that have rocked their respective houses of worship over the years, more power to them. But, every church that I've been to that I've been a part of for over two years it seems ends with problems. The last church I was a part of had a douchebag who had a low IQ who constantly begged me for unnecessary rides and $500. No thanks. 

Look, I don't mind churches as long as they teach the right lessons. If they delve into right-winged politics and spend over an hour bitching about why guns and violence are OK but porn is not, I'm outta there. But sadly, it seems that if I want to be around several hundred Drumpf supporters, church is the place to be.

After all, Jesus hung out with prostitutes, not angry old Rethuglicans.

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