Age: 90
Occupation: shitty football team
Last Seen: Detroit, MI
Bee-otched For: going from a roar to a squeak
Meet the new boss, same as the new boss.
When a failing sports team gets a new owner, we only hope for the best for new management. After all, as I've mentioned recently, I gave major props to Chicago Blackhawks owner Rocky Wirtz for undoing his late father, Bill's shortcomings as an NHL team owner. At the end of the day, it equated to the 'Hawks winning their first Stanley Cup in 49 years a decade ago.
But, this is Detroit we're talking about here. In the past twenty years, all four major sports teams got shiny new stadiums. But, those teams also had the misfortune of having aging owners who have all since passed on. In the case of the Detroit Pistons, they were sold to an entirely new owner in 2011, Tom Gores. Under previous owner Bill Davidson, the Pistons won three NBA championships. Gores' ownership of the team has been mixed with some seasons better than others. However in 2019, they barely made the playoffs with a .500 record.
Same with the Ilitch family and their Tigers and Red Wings. Mike Ilitch was one of the NHL's best owners with the Red Wings. Only when the NHL went on strike did he ever truly invest in his baseball team, the Tigers. They made the World Series in 2006 and 2012. He died in 2017, leaving his teams to his son, Christopher. Today, the Red Wings are a mess while the Tigers are currently at a ho-hum 20-25.
And now, the Lions.
When William Clay Ford died in 2014, yes, it was a sad day for some since he was a decent guy from what I've heard. But damn, was he a shitty owner. In his 53 years of team ownership, the Lions only won ONE playoff game. The Lions have not won an NFL Championship title since 1957, four years before Ford bought a minority stake in the team.
When Ford's widow, Martha took over the team, she was lauded for being a sharp owner. She proved to the NFL and the rest of Detroit that she was hands-on and didn't take no for an answer. In 2015, the team fired GM Martin Mayhew and president Tom Lewand and replaced them with family friend Rod Wood and former Patriots scout Bob Quinn after starting with a horrid 1-7 record. They ended up winning the rest of the season, ending with a 7-9 record.
However, in 2017, the Lions decided to fire head coach Jim Caldwell despite ending the season with a 9-7 record, which in Lions terms, is pretty good.
So what did the Lions do? Simple: get a Patriots guy to coach. Ever watch a movie or TV show where they proclaim that it's from the producers of a hit movie or TV show? Well, they got the defensive coordinator of the Super Bowl-winning Pats. And, surprise! He should have stayed there.
In his three seasons as coach, Patricia Matthew has only won nine games, the same amount of wins Caldwell got canned for. To the ire of long-suffering Lion fans, they retained Patty for at least one more year.
If there was any good news for Lions fans, it's that they *did* get a new owner... sorta. Now 94, Martha Ford handed over the keys to the team to her daughter, Sheila Ford Hamp, 69. As a matter of fact, the matriarch was simply prepping her daughter to take over day-to-day operations of the team. Not only that, the decision to can Mayhew and Lewand was Sheila's.
One controversial decision the Lions made was acquiring running back Adrian Peterson from the Washington Redsk-er, Football Team. Granted, he is a talented player, but, he beats his children. After all, he was almost banned from the NFL for his abuse.
Tragically, Peterson is still playing while a better role model sits on the sidelines: Colin Kaepernick. It's kinda like radio: when Natalie Maines of The (Dixie) Chicks blasted George W. Bush, country stations pulled their music. But yet, classic rock stations are still blaring music from pedophiles like Ted Nugent and Gary Glitter. Do something bad, and all's well. Take a stand and speak out, and it's all over.
Look, I want what's best for the Lions. I want them to be a championship team. But, it ain't happening. As long as Patty is running the team and they have a child abuser on the squad, I hope this will be another loser of a season for the Lions. As-is, if they break .500, I'll shit my pants.
The Detroit Lions: where every year is a rebuilding year.
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