Bee-otch of the Day

Monday, June 20, 2011

6.20.11 Bee-otch of the Day: National Cherry Festival

BECOME AN AFFILIATE OF T-SHIRT HELL AND MAKE SOME MONEY!

DON'T FORGET TO "LIKE" BEE-OTCH OF THE DAY ON FACEBOOK! -------------------

N
Name: National Cherry Festival
Age: 86
Occupation: yearly festival about, well, cherries
Last Seen: Traverse City, MI
Bee-otched For: giving the town some pretty shitty concerts

---

Once again, for the umpteenth year in a row, I'll proudly avoid Traverse City for the July 4th weekend.

The National Cherry Festival is a yearly overrated festival where mostly out-of-towners enjoy the spirit of this small town of 14,000 by watching its parades, pillaging its shops, going on its carnival rides, and yes, eating cherries.

It's too bad its Open Space concert offerings are the worst I've ever seen.

This year, the Cherry Festival has four major concerts this year. The only one that I find only somewhat entertaining is the yearly 1964 The Tribute, featuring a bunch of guys who cover Beatles songs. However, the rest of the lineup blows chunks.

Two country acts, Brantley Gilbert and Josh Gracin will perform at the Cherry Fest, but only two rock acts will show up: .38 Special and Kansas.

Yes, apparently, the Cherry Festival thinks that rock music stopped existing after 1981 (OK, so .38 Special's biggest hit, "Second Chance" came in 1989). Then again, judging by their shitty concert schedule, they're alienating that nasty 'ol 18-34 crowd.

I always thought that the music stage at the Cherry Festival was free, but it's not. As a matter of fact, it's $25 to see both Kansas and .38 Special individually. What's funnier is that Gilbert is opening for .38 Special, further blurring the line between country and classic rock (and it's a line I don't necessarily like to see blurred, period).

Of course, there was a time when the Cherry Festival did decent rock concerts, and it was in the 1990's. Prior to around 1994, most bigger concerts in northern Michigan were held at Castle Farms in Charlevoix, about 45 miles north of Traverse City. The Castle had concerts from Metallica, Ozzy, Ted Nugent, Def Leppard and scores of others, and yes, some artists of other genres, too. However, its owner sold it to a 4H group in 1994, ending concerts up north for good. However, the 4H group defaulted on their payments, and the Castle was re-born... For one year in 1996. The owner died, and his family converted it to boat storage. Today, the Castle is still around, but as a place for weddings and other small-scale events.

So, the Cherry Festival decided to score a deal with the Northwestern Michigan Fairgrounds and brought decent concerts back to northern Michigan. For many rock fans, it was the only time Traverse City got concerts, period. Many rockers such as The Wallflowers, Collective Soul, Eve 6, Third Eye Blind and Motley Crue's Vince Neil came to town, attracting thousands. However, the loudness of the concerts and the occasional profanities pissed off maybe 20 folks living around the Fairgrounds, leading the Cherry Fest to budge in and abandon decent rock concerts for good. Instead, they ended up with Sheryl Crow and Don Henley, who (oops!) both canceled. The Cherry Festival ended up losing money trying to attract cleaner acts while abandoning the rock crowd. Until the Streeters Center opened in the early 2000's, rock fans in northern Michigan had to drive to Detroit or Grand Rapids just to see a good show.

Thankfully, Streeters has done a good job entertaining the hard rock and alternative crowd up north. However, big-scale performers have shunned northern Michigan due to a lack of a good place that can hold thousands of people.

But guess who's sponsoring Kansas and .38 Special? None other than good 'ol 97.5/98.9 KLT, a station that has done a wonderful job of ignoring rock fans under the age of 50. They think that since there's Real Rock 105.1/95.5, the young crowd is covered. Too bad that Real Rock is nothing more than WRIF North, trying to mix in a small selection of new rock, a somewhat healthy dose of 90's/00's (including songs that don't even remotely belong on a station calling themselves "Real Rock", like Finger Eleven's "One Thing" and Oasis's "Champagne Supernova") and sprinkles of 70's and 80's butt rock from Aerosmith and ZZ Top.

Point is, northern Michigan, I love you, but you're clueless when it comes to rock music. Hell, the Muskegon Summer Celebration's concert schedule's a TRILLION times better than yours!You have four rock stations, and none of them do a perfect job of entertaining a 30-year-old like me. Thankfully, I have both a satellite radio and a smartphone so I don't have to listen to four stations playing Blackfoot's "Train, Train" at the same time. It's one reason why I don't want to be remotely near downtown Traverse City during the Cherry Festival: so I can sit in a traffic jam filled with old people and white trash rednecks to see the drivel playing at the Open Space. Thanks, but I prefer the Traverse City Film Festival instead (and I've yet to do that).

At least the Film Festival always has what the Cherry Festival doesn't: something for everybody.

---

Got a Bee-otch to nominate? E-mail us @ chuck69dotcom@gmail.com. All suggestions (except for me) are welcome!
Bee-otch of the Day Archives can be seen on http://beeotchoftheday.blogspot.com !
Bee-otch of the Day is a production of Chuck69.com, Grand Rapids' site for Stern, politics and more!

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

6.15.11 Bee-otch of the Day: KSL-TV Salt Lake City

BECOME AN AFFILIATE OF T-SHIRT HELL AND MAKE SOME MONEY!

DON'T FORGET TO "LIKE" BEE-OTCH OF THE DAY ON FACEBOOK! -------------------
-------------------

Name: KSL-TV 5
Age: 61
Occupation: NBC TV station
Last Seen: Salt Lake City, UT
Bee-otched For: shooting down the rabbit

---

This has not been a good week for Hugh Hefner.

Yesterday, it was announced that his wedding to Crystal Harris - who is 50 years his junior - was called off. The day before, it was announced that at least one NBC affiliate told their viewers that they were NOT going to air the new series The Playboy Club, based on his legendary chain of lounges where women dressed as bunnies, serving food and drinks to upper class men, aka keyholders.

Yep, that station's none other than KSL-TV in Salt Lake City.

The station's management released a statement, stating that the show would be inconsistent with its mission and programming. Evermore, KSL is a sponsor of "Out in the Light", an organization created by its owner that teaches people about the dangers of pornography. Funny, since Playboy isn't even really pornography. Hell, in 1963 - when the show takes place - the magazine didn't even show a woman's pubic region because Hef wanted his girls to be "the girls next door". Of course, the great Pubic Wars of the late 1960's with rival Penthouse changed all that.

KSL, by the way, is owned by Deseret Media Companies/Bonneville International, which in turn is owned by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. As far as we at Chuck69.com know, KSL is the sole network TV station in America owned by a religious institution.

(It's worth noting that South Bend's WNDU-TV, also an NBC affiliate, was owned by Catholic Notre Dame University from its 1955 sign-on until 2006 when they sold the station to Grey Television for $85 million. It's also worth noting that even they canned a few shows, such as the short-lived God, the Devil and Bob and the American version of the British hit Coupling.)

(It's also worth mentioning that indirectly, KSL is also the only network TV station in America to be co-owned with a PBS station since the LDS Church also owns KBYU in Provo through Brigham Young University.)

KSL has always been owned by the LDS Church, but spent most of its life until 1995 as a CBS affiliate. Even as a carrier of the CBS Eye, the station had its problems; they once yanked a Northern Exposure episode off the air because it dealt with homosexuality (weird, since the station now airs The Nate Berkus Show). However, CBS ended up purchasing long-time NBC rival KUTV as part of a group deal. NBC knew that those pesky Mormons would cherry pick at their lineup, and wanted KTVX. But, that station ended up staying with ABC. So, KSL went with NBC. The good news: KSL has the biggest signal of any network TV station in America.

You guessed it: the bad news is that KSL does cherry pick.

As a matter of fact, KSL is the sole NBC affiliate that doesn't air Saturday Night Live. They claim it's not because of the show's sometimes-racy content, but it's due to the fact that the station airs a sports show Saturday night that does quite well in the ratings and revenue department. They - like WNDU - canned Coupling due to content. Because of KSL's censoring, NBC has to have a secondary affiliate in the market: primary CW affiliate KUCW (which is a sister to KTVX). It is expected that KUCW will pick up The Playboy Club.

Many folks call KSL's decision to bar TPC from the station a dumb and hypocritical one. Scott D. Pierce, media critic for the Salt Lake Tribune (a rival to the LDS Church'sDeseret News) claims that they've aired 300 episodes of Law and Order:SVU, and claims that show is more "adult" than TPC, and the fact that they've aired 200 episodes ofWill and Grace, which "never met a dirty joke it didn't like".

Ya know, I have to ask, WHY IN THE HELL WOULD A CHURCH OWN A SECULAR TV STATION IN THE FIRST PLACE?!?! Oh yeah! $$$$$$$. KSL makes money, and lots of it for LDS. KSL has been a network TV station owned by the church since day one. Going independent would be a great choice for the station, but after what happened to KRON in San Francisco, it just might be suicide. Or, how about going religious?

The point is, KSL and the LDS Church need to stop being the big bully to the people of Salt Lake. Hell, less than HALF of all people in the city are Mormon anymore! People are getting smart! IT'S A CULT! It's all about the Benjamins, baby!

Thanks, but I'm a member of my own church: St. Mattress of the Holy Springs. Playboy bunnies are more than welcome to join.

---

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

6.14.11 Bee-otch of the Day: Perkins Restaurants

BECOME AN AFFILIATE OF T-SHIRT HELL AND MAKE SOME MONEY!

DON'T FORGET TO "LIKE" BEE-OTCH OF THE DAY ON FACEBOOK! -------------------
-------------------

Name: Perkins Restaurant and Bakery
Age: 53
Occupation: restaurant chain
Last Seen: Memphis, TN
Bee-otched For: shutting down on their customers and employees

---

When eating out, it's very, very rude when the place you're eating at tells you to leave without finishing your meal.

Well, it's happened.

On Sunday, the seven Perkins Restaurants in west Michigan shut down as people were eating their meals. Corporate employees barged into the restaurants and told customers that they were closing and told the people to flat out leave without finishing.

In all, three Perkins in Grand Rapids, plus locations in Jenison, Holland, Muskegon and Kalamazoo all closed. As a matter of fact, 65 Perkins and Marie Callender's all closed nationwide. At first, it wasn't announced why they were closing, but it was made official Monday that Perkins and Marie Callender's, Inc. was filing for Chapter 11 bankruptcy and reducing its workforce by 2,500 jobs.

The closures will leave Michigan with just three Perkins locations, all in the economically-repressed Upper Peninsula of all places.

A company statement claims that competition and a weak economy are the major factors for the bankruptcy.

Ya know something, I've lived here in west Michigan for nine years. I have a Perkins not far from here, and guess what? I never went there. Why? Because it's too geezerly to me. Not to mention, the huge "Kids Eat Free!" sign on the window is a major turn-off for me.

Old people and children. Talk about two types of people whose piss-poor eating habits make me lose my appetite.

Perkins reminds me of Bill Knapp's, a well-known restaurant chain here in Michigan that was around for decades. Like Perkins, it was very geezer and kid-friendly. It was even nicknamed "God's Waiting Room" due to the heavy amount of seniors that ate there. However, in the late 90's, they developed a new campaign to attract younger customers by redesigning their restaurants and even adding TVs and video games. Not only did it scare off their loyal customers, it failed to attract new ones who still associated "Bill Knapp" with "old geezer". Plus, the once-fresh food was replaced with fake, frozen crap.

Too bad Gordon Ramsay wasn't well-known in the 1990's, or else he'd have a major Kitchen Nightmare. Bill Knapp's went bankrupt and closed for good in 2002.

Perkins was a small fish in a big pond. As a youngin', I'd rather eat at a place that appeals to a hipster like me than a place whose logo looks like something that is a magnet to those who pre-chew their food. If Perkins wants to prove me otherwise, they'd give me a free dinner.

But, it's too late.

---

Monday, June 13, 2011

6.13.11 Bee-otch of the Day: Opie and Anthony

BECOME AN AFFILIATE OF T-SHIRT HELL AND MAKE SOME MONEY!

DON'T FORGET TO "LIKE" BEE-OTCH OF THE DAY ON FACEBOOK! -------------------
-------------------

Names: Opie and Anthony
Ages: 48, 50
Occupations: Stern clones
Last Seen: New York City
Bee-otched For: making a bigger deal of Anthony's Weiner

---

The bbboys are back in town.

Greg "Opie" Hughes and Anthony Cumia haven't been in the spotlight in quite some time, but they're back with another big one. Last week, a blurry photo of a photo of troubled New York Rep. Anthony Weiner's erect penis was accidentally shown on the duo's internet video feed during an interview with the man who released the controversial photos on the internet, right-winged pundit Andrew Breitbart. A listener captured the picture on a screenshot and forwarded it to Opie, who then showed the picture on his Twitter account. Opie himself took a picture of the picture of Weiner's penis without his knowledge.

Breitbart did not want the picture of Weiner's erection to be made public, and made a statement that he regretted that the incident regarding Opie and Anthony occurred.

Last Saturday, it was announced that Weiner - whose wife is pregnant during this scandal - would be stepping down while he sought treatment for an "unspecified condition". Now, many politicians are calling for Weiner's resignation.

Granted, what Weiner did was stupid and idiotic, but at least unlike other politicians, he's more on the average joe's side that most people, even his fellow Democrats. I think there's bigger problems in our lives than that of Anthony Weiner baring his junk on Twitter. The unemployment rate's still astronomical (thanks, Dubya), not enough jobs are being created and we're still at war overseas.

But instead of worrying and creating solutions to the matter, Dopie and Opie just had to make a mountain out of a molehill.

Opie and Anthony are just two idiots who've made a career out of taking The Howard Stern Show and perverting it. Just ask the Catholics who were offended by their dumb Sex For Sam stunt many years ago. Hell, remember when despite the fact that they were already on XM, they still went back to terrestrial radio? Stupid.

Remember, folks, it's Howard Stern that brings people to satellite radio, not O&A. Remember when this very website got hounded by their pests years ago? Gee, what happened? Hopefully, they all grew up and got out of mommy's basement.

Sadly, you just can't get any lower than 0.0.

---

Thursday, June 9, 2011

6.9.11 Hero of the Day: WTAB

BECOME AN AFFILIATE OF T-SHIRT HELL AND MAKE SOME MONEY!

DON'T FORGET TO "LIKE" BEE-OTCH OF THE DAY ON FACEBOOK! -------------------
A SPECIAL HERO OF THE DAY!

Name: WTAB 1370
Age: 57
Occupation: country music station
Last Seen: Tabor City, NC
Awarded For: doing something they should have done eons ago

---

In the world of corporate radio run by computers and digital-quality materials, it's nice to find that diamond in the rough that breaks from tradition.

I'll admit, modern country music sucks. It's too-watered down and I feel that it reaches an audience whose IQ is below room temperature. Then again, that's me. But in the world of terrestrial radio, those aforementioned diamonds in the rough do play that twangy Nashville sound.

Years ago here in Michigan in the town of Harrison sat The King of Kountry Music, The Mighty 92 WKKM. The station never broadcasted in stereo and the majority of the station's music was on scratchy old vinyl. The station did broadcast 24 hours per day, but it simulcasted Saginaw's 98.1 WKCQ overnight. However, the station was sold to Xavier University in Cincinnati and became a public radio station, only to be sold again, flipping back to country as WTWS 92.1 The Twister. Thing is, they now broadcast in stereo and their playlist is mostly newer music.

Here in Grand Rapids, local radio is defined by stations owned by formerly-bankrupt Citadel and Townsquare, and yes, Clear Channel. Out in Ionia sits WION "I-1430", which is automated adult hits most of the time, but it's locally owned and programmed. The station even pays tribute to its legacy by airing some of its old jingles from the 1960's (the one with the galloping fiddle's my personal fave). WION only produces a fair signal to the Grand Rapids region, but it's a fun listen from time to time.

But in the world of broadcasting, I think I've found another diamond, and it took a few prank calls and Casey Kasem to find that station.

That station is 1370 WTAB in tiny Tabor City, NC, pop. 2,500. Tabor City is borderlined to Loris, SC, pop. 2,000. WTAB signed on for the first time in 1954 and is owned by 75-year-old Jack Miller and his family. His son, Richard is the station's morning man.

The first time I've heard of WTAB, it was during an old 1970's episode of American Top 40 on Sirius/XM's 70's on 7 during his usual "heard on great stations" segment. I wondered if they were still in business, and yessir, they are and streaming on the web at www.wtabradio.com.

However, a few prank phone calls changed everything.

Miller - known to his fans as "The Colonel" - is the host of the station's Swap Shop program, which airs 8-10 a.m. daily. On the program, listeners call in to buy, sell, trade or give away their items. One day in 2009, Miller started getting weird calls. In the beginning, things were hunky-dory to him, but the calls started getting more and more annoying for his tastes.

One call was from a man posing as a woman thanking God for everything, even to move her bowels. Another was a caller listening to the show with the volume all the way up, creating a delayed feedback, another was from another man posing as a woman running from the mailbox and one involved exploding barbecue grills.

Of course, Jack got smart and got caller ID.

Suddenly, one of Jack's listeners did her research and found out that it was none other than Sal Governale and Richard Christy from the Howard Stern Show. As a youngster growing up in Kansas, Christy made many prank calls to his local station airing Tradio, and now that they're on satellite radio, there's no limit to what they can do. But, poor 'ol Jack had his revenge, and even celebrated.

Thanks to the popularity of Sal and Richard's prank calls to the Swap Shop, Jack Miller is a celebrity in his own right. Even his catch phrase, "IDIOT!" is in rotation in Fred Norris' sound machine. I've even done my research on WTAB and listen to it time-to-time, especially their Sunday morning Gospel show hosted by local motorcycle dealer Rodney Inman. On his show, the slow Inman plays staticky old records from old Gospel choirs.

Other WTAB staffers include program director Bob Pait, who hosts a midday country and gospel music show and the rustic-voiced Lloyd Gore, who has been at WTAB since 1969.

So, what makes WTAB heroic? Simple. They just recently did something that most other country stations have done for years. For the first time ever, starting Memorial Day weekend, they started broadcasting 24 hours per day. Despite being licensed with 5,000 watts day and 109 watts at night to cover both Tabor City and Loris, the station had been broadcasting only 1/2 of their licensed hours, from 6 a.m. in the morning to 6 at night. It's not totally known why they shut off at night, despite the fact that they also stream online, plus smartphones having internet capabilities in these modern times so a man in Grand Rapids can listen to the Twin Cities' Favorite at any time.

But, it's nice that The Colonel has finally allowed his station's lights to be on, even if nobody's home. After all. there's another station in the area that they're fighting against: Loris oldies outlet WLSC 1240. Oddly enough, WLSC is owned by a man who also had his run-in with Stern (kinda): Banana Jack Murphy, who replaced Howard's show in Myrtle Beach many years ago. WLSC has a similar schedule to WTAB's, albeit with oldies.

Even if around-the-clock broadcasts have always been around, it's nice that this station has finally found it important to broadcast 24/7/365. Plus, they even play the Dixie Chicks, years after many other country outlets dumped their music because of Natalie Maines' anti-Bush outbursts. Oh, and the Millers are (surprise!) Democrats.

Maybe not all country music fans - or station owners - are idiots after all.

---

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

6.8.11 Bee-otch of the Day: the producers of the Grand Rapids LipDub

BECOME AN AFFILIATE OF T-SHIRT HELL AND MAKE SOME MONEY!

DON'T FORGET TO "LIKE" BEE-OTCH OF THE DAY ON FACEBOOK! -------------------

Name: the producers of the Grand Rapids LipDub video
Age: various
Occupation: producers of overly-ballyhooed YouTube videos
Last Seen: Grand Rapids, MI
Bee-otched For: booking too many well-to-do folks in the video

---

I knew it. The infamous Grand Rapids LipDub video is filled with folks who aren't having any problems paying their mortgage.

On May 26 - my 30th birthday, and ironically, the 40th anniversary of Don McLean recording this song - the nearly-10-minute video was released to the masses on YouTube and it's received some major attention. Roger Ebert called it "the greatest music video of all time", ABC News gave the citizens of Grand Rapids their "Persons of the Week" and even Don McLean himself called the video "awesome".

The video was made in part to alleviate Newsweek Magazine's claim that Grand Rapids is one of America's Top 10 Dying Cities. It is true, since the city has lost thousands of jobs and 5% of its population in the past decade. But like the citizens of Whoville who lost their presents thanks to the Grinch, they still have that good 'ol Grand Rapids spirit.

But guess what? A huge chunk of the people in the video are part of the reason why Grand Rapids is dying as revealed in a webpage by WOOD-TV .

Several well-known TV news personalities appeared in the video, including WOOD-TV's Bill Steffen and Ryan Takeo and WXMI Fox 17's Emily Richett, alongside John Gonzelez, Entertainment Editor for the Grand Rapids Press. However, the first lipper was Neely Adkins, a Rules Administrator at (GASP!) Amway. As a matter of fact, MANY Amway employees - mainly middle management - appeared in the video. One sequence also features two jocks from ailing Citadel country station Thunder 94.5, Party Paul and Flounder, who is dressed in a crappy Superman outfit and a guitar.

Also of note is a scene featuring a convertible with five men. One of them is controversial businessman Bing Goei who ran for the 75th district house seat last November and lost to a Democrat, Brandon Dillon. The video had its share of company bosses, GMs, presidents and even mayor George Heartwell cruising in a convertible.

Yeah, the video also featured not-so-rich folks, college kids and maybe a black person or two, but the hard-working joes and josettes weren't very present in the video. You didn't see many factory workers or (another GASP) bums, either. Oh, yeah! It's because factories have long-abandoned the city, taking jobs with them. No wonder why GR lost 5% of its population in the past decade.

You see, back in the day, if you hated your job, you could go across the street and work there, no probs. However, with yesterday being the tenth anniversary of the Bush Tax Cuts, jobs have left Grand Rapids and even the country. And yes, Amway's one reason why since they built a factory in China.

Look at me. I've had the same job for nine long fucking years. Guess how many raises I've had? ONE. Part of the reason is because of the dwindling competition my workplace has, the excess of people who want jobs and how many who are willing to accept low wages. In the end, I've seen my workplace transform from a place people wanted to work at to a place people HAVE to work at. As a matter of fact, the majority of the people my place has hired over the past year or two are over 50!

Even worse, the people of Grand Rapids are nothing more than people who only care about one person and one person only: THEM. I go to a bar and nobody ever talks to me. I stand on a street corner and people walk by. Hell, I swear that the only women who have been nice to me since I moved here nine years ago were all dancers at Deja Vu in Kalamazoo.

But, there's a light at the end of the tunnel, I hope. I have a cousin in the Detroit area who's looking for workers, and the pay is a hell of a lot more than what I'm making now. With my lease expiring soon, I just might consider getting the fuck out of this depressing pop stand, coming back only for business. This town has given me less in the past nine years all in the name of self-centeredness.

Emily Richett carrying her dog around like a rich bitch doesn't create jobs. Rob Bliss - one of the video's producers - is only feeding crumbs to the bear. We need this town to get its head out of its ass and create good-paying jobs or else I'm outta here.

Somebody told me that he would like to take a video camera down South Division and tape all of the abandoned slums and foreclosed houses in the area. Not a bad idea. I would suggest Green Day's "Boulevard of Broken Dreams" as the background music.

I won't get into training a ton of bums and prostitutes the lyrics.

---