Thursday, May 24, 2012

5.24.12 Bee-otch of the Day: The Koch Brothers







Bee-otch of the Day honors are awarded Monday through Thursday, Bee-otch of the Week is awarded Friday on Chuck69.com.


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Names: Fred, Charles, David and William Koch
Ages: 79, 77 and 72 (twins), respectively
Occupation: billionaires
Last Seen: Wichita, KS
Bee-otched For: creating a huge stink

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This election year, we're going to see a ton of bad commercials on TV.

And sadly, many of those ads are going to come from the Koch brothers.

Yes, the Koch brothers, the mega billionaires who use their funds to fund Tea Party pricks and even run libelous ads against President Obama. They're behind the organization Americans For Prosperity, which tell Americans lies about the president. Of course, the Kochs are notorious polluters, since they've made their billions off of many well-known companies and brands such as Georgia Pacific, Brawny paper towels, Dixie cups and Stainmaster carpets. Koch Industries also owns oil pipelines, refineries, mines and forest land. They've worked tooth and nail with politicians - mainly Republicans - to help develop strategies to further destruct Mother Earth.

But now, the Kochs are giving us one of the most-disgusting ads to ever air on television. Even though it doesn't spread lies about Obama, it's gross and leaves bad and nasty things to the imagination.

Those ads I'm talking about are the ones for their owned and operated toilet paper brand Quilted Northern.

The two commercials in circulation show a bunch of women - all looking at least 40 years old and older - talking about "the importance of clean". Most of the women in these ads aren't all that attractive; as a matter of fact, I think the Kochs intentionally made them all look - and act - like housewives to attract that upper demo of women they only seem to care about.

In the ads, some of the women do stand out, especially two Asian women in two separate ads. One says "it's time to talk about clean" and the other proclaims "I like to be clean... And pampered!"

Now, you know what toilet paper's used for, right?

Talking about a woman taking a dump is, well, a very sensitive subject, and since women spend more time on the pot than us men, they have more chances to squeeze a few logs out. But the point is, us men want our ladies to smell nice, especially down there. But when old age and saggieness settle in - and throw in having a kid or two or three or more - the thought of an older woman on the pot is, well, kinda sick to the mind of yours truly (who turns 31 this Saturday).

In all honesty, this is why I like Cottonelle's current "Where the Sun Doesn't Shine" ads - and the toilet paper itself - better. The ads raise awareness of their wet wipes, which are WAY more sanitary than dry toilet paper itself. With its ridges, I think Cottonelle does a better job getting the turds from your sphincter than TP with stupid designs on them. Personally, I'd rather see a young teenage girl say "it's the freshy fresh" over some old skank who's the same age as my mother talking about wiping her ass.

Oh, and the Charmin bears? They can eat shit and die, too.

Don't forget ladies, if you wipe front to back, you'll have a nice and sexy crack. But if you wipe back to front, you'll have dingleberries shoved up your cunt.  
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Wednesday, May 23, 2012

5.23.12 Bee-otch of the Day: Rush Limbaugh







Bee-otch of the Day honors are awarded Monday through Thursday, Bee-otch of the Week is awarded Friday on Chuck69.com.


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Name: Rush Limbaugh
Age: 61
Occupation: big, fat load
Last Seen: West Palm Beach, FL
Bee-otched For: losing more than advertisers

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35 years ago, Dan Aykroyd made millions of people laugh every time he called Jane Curtin an "ignorant slut" during the Point/Counterpoint segment of Weekend Update on Saturday Night Live.

However, very few people were laughing when Rush Limbaugh called a law student that same word on his show a few months ago.

When El Rushbo called Sandra Fluke that lovely word after she stood up for women's rights, he started losing advertisers left and right. As a matter of fact, even in larger cities like New York and Detroit, both WABC and WJR aired public service announcements instead of commercials. Rush's syndicator, Clear Channel-owned Premiere Radio Networks even told stations to lay off airing bartered ads as the company restructured its infrastructure.

In all, Rush lost the likes of Sears, JCPenney, Walmart, Capital One and even the Girl Scouts to name a trifle few. It's believed that Limbaugh had lost some 200 sponsors, give or take. However, he did gain one major sponsor: AngiesList.com.

No, I won't count Two If By Tea as a sponsor.

Now, it's been discovered that Rush's ratings have toppled because of his misogynist rants. He's lost 27% of his key demo 25-54 listeners in New York. He's down 31% in Houston and 40% in Seattle. Although there were reports that Limbaugh's ratings actually exploded with his inappropriate comments in place, what really counts in radio these days is not ratings, but rather a little something called "profit".

Cumulus Media, who owns several Rush affiliates including WABC and WJR claimed that Rush's advertiser purge cost the company millions in the first quarter of 2012. With the recent launch of Mike Huckabee's new show, some speculate that some of their stations are waiting for their contracts to expire so they can dump the show once and for all.

On Monday, famed radio consultant Holland Cooke told liberal Rush competitor Ed Schultz that it's actually cheaper for radio stations to go with local programming than to air Rush. With Rush, stations have to air his ads, plus pay Clear Channel X amount of dollars to carry the show. Not to mention the fact that now, Clear Channel is ordering Rush affiliates to carry a "best of" block on the weekends, sinking more into individual station profits.

For the record, only two stations dropped Rush since his 'slut' outburst: one in Hawaii and another in Massachusetts.

Some may say that Rush will ride the storm out, but the damage, IMO is done. I think it's time for radio stations - especially those not owned by Clear Channel - to drop the show and to bring responsibility back to the world of broadcasting. Rush ain't cheap to air, and neither is Sean Hannity. If I purchased a Rush affiliate, I'd be dropping him quicker than a prom dress. I think people need to know that there's good, responsible radio hosts. It's time for Rush to OD on Oxy and die.

I know, it's not nice to say that. But since he'll never go to jail, it's the best punishment for him.
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Tuesday, May 22, 2012

5.22.12 Bee-otch of the Day: Cumulus Media



Bee-otch of the Day honors are awarded Monday through Thursday, Bee-otch of the Week is awarded Friday on Chuck69.com.


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Name: Cumulus Media
Age: 15
Occupation: broadcast giant
Last Seen: Atlanta, GA
Bee-otched For: not knowing their audience

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Well, at least we don't have Citadel Broadcasting to push around anymore.

Too bad Cumulus is still making mistakes.

Some time ago, Cumulus had a cluster in the Ann Arbor market and they sold it to Clear Channel. While Clear Channel owned these stations, they flipped AM 1290 - a station with a long history of low ratings, plus the fact that it only broadcasts with a whopping 500 watts during the day and 26 watts at night - from Oldies to Progressive Talk. The station became WLBY for "LiBeral" and carried programs from Air America. The station had its best ratings in ages.

But then, Cumulus decided to repurchase the stations it sold in Ann Arbor in 2009. Even though they told the press that they had no plans to change any of the formats, WLBY flipped from Liberal Talk to Business Talk.

You guessed it: their ratings - in the words of the late great Adolphus Raymondus Vernon Agopsowicz - went to 0.0.

(And yes, that's the real name of John Vernon, aka Dean Wormer. Thank his parents.)

After three years of no ratings and finally realizing that Business Talk has no ratings, WLBY has finally switched back to a mainstream Talk format. However, these days, "mainstream" means "conservative". Of course, with the recent launch of the Cumulus-syndicated Mike Huckabee program, you guessed it, WLBY is now carrying the three-hour borefest live from 12-3 p.m. There are some hold-overs from the old Business Talk format, including Dave Ramsey, which airs after Huckabee.

But what might be the dumbest move in regards to WLBY is that from 5-8 p.m., they're now carrying (drumroll please).... HUUUUUUUUUUGE. Yep! Good 'ol Bill Simonson's three-hour douche-fest now airs on WLBY on a two-hour tape delay. Is Cumulus smoking crack? HUGE HAS NO RATINGS HERE IN HIS HOME MARKET OF GRAND RAPIDS!! Many - like myself - have been hoping for his dismissal from WBBL for some time, but sadly, Cumulus has too much faith in him.

Let's remember something: Cumulus made headlines when they dumped the Dixie Chicks from their Country stations in 2004 over Natalie Maines' Bush-bashing at a concert in England. When a big company like Clear Channel or Cumulus runs a Progressive Talker, they'll do their damndest to make sue that it's only on their weakest signals so it won't get ratings and so the likes of Rush Limbaugh can tell his audience of retards that Liberal Talk doesn't work. Case in point: name some 50,000-watt Rush affiliates. I know! KFI, WABC, WLS, WJR and WTAM to name a few. Try to name a 50,000-watt omnidirectional Liberal Talker and the crickets begin to chirp.

Look, Liberal Talk can be extremely successful in Ann Arbor if the big radio companies can get their fucking heads out of their asses. Christ, hasn't Cumulus looked at WAAM 1600's ratings? SHITTY! WJR does well in A2, but WAAM and their second-rate BS doesn't. Sadly, WAAM's locally-owned, but it's owner, their afternoon talker "Thayrone" is a conservative nut job who couldn't make it in public radio.

Local radio: where the listener comes last.


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Monday, May 21, 2012

5.21.12 Bee-otch of the Day: Parents Television Council



Bee-otch of the Day honors are awarded Monday through Thursday, Bee-otch of the Week is awarded Friday on Chuck69.com.


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Name: Parents Television Council
Age: 17
Occupation: right winged hate group
Last Seen: Alexandria, VA and Los Angeles, CA
Bee-otched For: still bitching about Howard Stern

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It's official: Howard Stern is still the King of All Media.

Last week, his judging duties on America's Got Talent proved that not only could he be a great judge but also have a soft side as well. He was being berated by many religious groups for trying to bring his brand of filth to an otherwise family show, but, he's done a decent job of keeping the program TV-PG.

One group, the Parents Television Council urged advertisers to ban the show, but to no avail. As a matter of fact, The show's two main sponsors - Snapple (which was a long-time sponsor of Stern's radio show for years) and Orville Redenbacher (owned by ConAgra) - seemed to be OK with a man associated with lesbians and strippers hosting the program.

Oh, and remember, AGT was once hosted with a man also associated with lesbians and strippers (and hookers for that matter): Jerry Springer.

Heck, even KSL-TV in Salt Lake City - a station long-notorious for banning network shows that contradict with the station's owners, the Mormon Church's stances -  is airing the show.

But as history has taught us, the dirtiest of the dirtiest can be clean, too. Just ask George Carlin (who played a pint-size conductor on Shining Time Station) and Richard Pryor (who starred in The Toy). Now, it's Howard Stern's turn. As a fan of shows like AGT and American Idol, Stern proved to all that as a radio professional, he can keep it clean. The show has a ton of kids competing and he's good to show that he's no potty-mouth around them. Hell, I loved how he showed some emotion to the daddy-daughter acts, especially to the one that sang "You've Got a Friend".

Thankfully, as far as I know, the PTC is the only group angry with Stern doing AGT. Even the American Decency Association, which created the infamous "Howard Stern Information and Action Page" years ago has laid off Stern. Maybe it's this: there's worse shows on TV these days. Look at Real Housewives: there's lots of fighting and fisticuffs every other minute on the show. There's plenty of fights on Springer, but he has what theHousewives don't: bodyguards. If Springer didn't have Jason and Pete holding them down, the program would not only get more interesting, it would probably be the victim of many a lawsuit and liabilities. I'm not the guy who does the budget on Springer, so I don't know what's cheaper: keeping the guards or getting sued.

The point is, the PTC needs to get into the times. This isn't 1995 anymore. Just the other day, I heard a promo for Free Beer and Hot Wings on WGRD here in Grand Rapids, and the duo was talking about a woman with a tramp stamp tattoo of her grandmother's name over her buttcrack. One of the guys talked about "slinging yogurt" over the tramp stamp and hoping that the grandmother loved TCBY. OK, so where's the ADA where you need them? How 'bout the PTC?

Never mind. To them, Howard's the only bad guy out there. 

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Thursday, May 17, 2012

5.17.12 Bee-otch of the Day: Clear Channel



Bee-otch of the Day honors are awarded Monday through Thursday, Bee-otch of the Week is awarded Friday on Chuck69.com.


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Name: Clear Channel
Age: 40
Occupation: media giant from hell
Last Seen: San Antonio, TX
Bee-otched For: preparing to kill off another rock station

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Funny. I thought that phoenixes are supposed to rise from the ashes, not the other way around.

But, it's true. One of Boston's most-legendary rock stations, WFNX is being sold to Clear Channel, ending almost 30 years of local ownership by the town's weekly alternative paper, the Boston Phoenix. On the station's website, owner Stephen M. Mindich released a memo announcing the station's sale to Clear Channel - FCC approval pending - and to thank the station's listeners for remaining faithful over the years.

In the memo, Mindich explains the top reason for selling the station, and that's because it's too tough to run a standalone radio station these days, especially in these tough economic times. WFNX has no sister stations. However, once Clear Channel gets 101.7 in its stable, its sisters will include CHR WXKS/Kiss 108, Hip-Hop WJMN/Jam'n 94.5, Talk WXKS 1200 and a Spanish station, WKOX.

The sale of WFNX doesn't include the intellectual property of the station itself, which remains with Phoenix. Only the physical station itself has been sold. However, many are now petitioning Clear Channel to keep 101.7 Alternative. Right now, Boston does have another Alt-rocker, Greater Media's WBOS/Radio 92.9. However, that station has gotten some negative press from Alternative fans for spinning such artists as Bon Jovi and Def Leppard along with the likes of Coldplay, Florence and the Machine and Nirvana.

Let's not forget that Beantown also had another now-defunct Alt-rocker, the legendary WBCN 104.1. Of course, CBS killed that heritage station for Sports. Boston already has a full-fledged rocker, WAAF 107.3.

Now, as much as I hate corporate radio, I do feel sad for Mr. Mindich and WFNX. Even in bigger towns, one-station owners are fading away. Look at Detroit. WGPR 107.5 had no sister stations for years. Suddenly, its owner, the International Free and Accepted Masons decided to sell to Radio One recently. WGPR was far behind in terms of popularity and maybe even profitability.

Same thing with another notable Alt-Rocker, Oxford, OH's WOXY/97X, which served Cincinnati. Despite a signal that barely touched that city and no sister stations, the station thrived only by being different from other stations. The station had its advertisers and fans, but the owners had enough and sold it to another broadcaster.

It's too early to tell what Clear Channel will do with 101.7 in Boston, but it did have a nice 29-year run. What might be more pitiful is that 17 folks got laid off on Wednesday, and "laid off" are two words all too common in radio these days. If you're young, good luck even THINKING about getting into radio. With companies like Clear Channel, Cumulus and others running the show and competing with the likes of Sirius, Pandora and Slacker making things tougher for corporate radio, the DJ is an occupation that's as needed as somebody wanting to buy a beat-up Pong machine these days.

So long, WFNX, another rock station lost.

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Wednesday, May 16, 2012

5.16.12 Bee-otch of the Day: WKLT



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Name: WKLT
Age: 34 (technically)
Occupation: shitty-assed rock station
Last Seen: Traverse City, MI
Bee-otched For: proving how out of touch they are

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The National Cherry Festival in my old stomping grounds of Traverse City is going to do something this year that they haven't done in years.

And that, my friends, is rock.

Like many festivals, The CherryFest has a concert stage, featuring well-known music acts. In recent years, the festival's music stage has been loaded with, well, has-beens. Last year, the two main "rock" acts (and I used the term "rock" in quotations for obvious reasons) were Kansas and .38 Special, two bands from before my time.

However, the CherryFest has apparently learned that YOUNG PEOPLE go there, too, so they finally did some waking up. True, there's still a Country act booked (Joe Diffie), plus the token Classic Rock band (Grand Funk Railroad, which IMO is a HUGE improvement over both Kansas or .38 Special) and... a (GASP!) New Rock act.

And that band is none other than Pop Evil.

True, I consider Pop Evil the American Nickelback, I'd rather go to one of their shows than to some moldy geezer rock show with a band left with one or two original members. People my age don't relate well to the same shit factory workers and white trash enjoy.

So, why the addition of Pop Evil? Simple: the CherryFest switched radio station sponsors. This year, it's Northern Star Broadcasting, the parent of Big Country 102.9 (hence Joe Diffie), 98.1/107.1/94.5/93.9 The Bear (hence Grand Funk) and yes, Real Rock 105/95-5 (hence, you guessed it, Pop Evil). One band representing each station. Last year, the big sponsor for the Bayside Entertainment Stage was, you guessed it, WKLT.

Now, I don't know the full scooperooni as to why KLT backed out of the concert series, whether money had to do anything with it or not, but the plain and simple truth is that KLT is so out of touch with rock fans, period. Part of it's also due to its owners being from North Dakota while Northern Star's owners - Del and Mary Reynolds - are from Cheboygan. Del has even admitted that Mary happens to love modern-day rockers like Godsmack, and she's in her 50s. KLT thinks that their core audience of geriatrics hate new rock - which is why the current Van Halen's their sole current at the moment - and in the future, their lack of love towards most post-1990 bands will kill them.

Mark my words: if KLT were a restaurant, it would be Bill Knapp's.

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Tuesday, May 15, 2012

5.15.12 Bee-otch of the Day: Florida



Bee-otch of the Day honors are awarded Monday through Thursday, Bee-otch of the Week is awarded Friday on Chuck69.com.


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Name: Florida
Age: 167
Occupation: America's wang
Last Seen: Southeastern U.S.
Bee-otched For: proving that they're still living in the past

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The Catcher in the RyeCatch 22Uncle Tom's Cabin.

When you think of those titles and maybe even a few others, you think of only one word: censorship. Now, there's a new title to add to those and too many others: 50 Shades of Grey.

The ultra-popular novel - made even more famous on Saturday Night Live as that book mommy masturbates to - is now being banned in several Florida county libraries because of its mature content. The book was written by British author Erika Leonard, aka E. L. James and is about a torrid relationship between a young female college student and a businessman. The book is famous for its depiction of its sex scenes, some involving bondage.

The book is the first of a trilogy; the other two books to be released this year are Fifty Shades Darker and Fifty Shades Freed.

According to some of the libraries, they have limited budgets and are very picky on what books to buy and rent out. Some of the reasons for not putting 50 Shades on their shelves include not just its pornographic content but also its "lack of literary merits".

And yet, it's a best-selling book.

That's right! This is FLORIDA we're talking about. Remember a little rap group called 2 Live Crew? A judge ordered all copies of their albums yanked from store shelves because he felt that the group's music was obscene and wasn't covered under the First Amendment. Hell, the group wasn't even allowed to perform their songs in their own hometown. Thankfully, the judge's ruling was overturned. Oddly enough, the judge, who wasn't even an American, wrote a book years later that talked about 2 Live Crew's lyrics with explicit detail. Guess what? He eventually said that he can say whatever he wants. Hypocrite.

You see, I love America. Our founding fathers gave us the right to read, watch or say whatever we want. I know, those libraries have the right to carry what they want. But, banning a book will only cause people to love it more. Even though you might live in an area that has banned a certain book, you can still go to Amazon.com to buy it. Thanks to the internet, you might live in a town that doesn't sell Playboy, but at least you can go to a website that has pictures that might put that magazine to shame for free.

Now, they gotta cast a movie version of the book....

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Monday, May 14, 2012

5.14.12 Bee-otch of the Day: the movie industry







Bee-otch of the Day honors are awarded Monday through Thursday, Bee-otch of the Week is awarded Friday on Chuck69.com.


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Name: the movie studios
Age: 100 is the oldest
Occupation: the makers of motion pictures
Last Seen: Hollywood, CA
Bee-otched For: bitching about something that's not really killing them


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Looks like 2012 is looking to be a banner year for the movies.

Last year wasn't very hot, but thanks to mega blockbusters like The Hunger Games and The Avengers, movie studios have nothing to blame these days as to why their movies bombed at the box office. Last weekend, it wasThe Avengers that made movie history by becoming the first movie in history to make $100 million in its second week of release. When it debuted last week, it made over $200 million domestically. However, since the film's been out for a month internationally, it's now made over a billion dollars.

I went and saw The Avengers Sunday night, and like Roger Ebert, I gave it three stars. Lots of action, and it did have a slight storyline to follow. Of course, I'm no diehard fan of comic books, but it was still fun nonetheless.

So, where's the pissing and moaning from Hollywood about piracy?

Yeah, piracy, you know, where people could download stuff for free, albeit illegally?

In all honesty, I'm shocked that The Avengers had probably been online illegally for quite some time, but people were honorable enough to their comic book heroes enough to support it. Not to mention that we're talking about post-Bushitler times where people are still looking for work. Thankfully for me, my cousin had an extra ticket for the show, and I got in scot-free. If not, I might have made a consideration to download it for free since I didn't feel like sitting through two hours of little bastards babbling throughout the film behind me (which happened to me sadly).

If the company that made The Avengers - Paramount - decided to round up who downloaded the film from a P2P site, they're proving to the world that plain and simple, they don't care about those who don't have the money to see it, or live too far from any theatre showing it. They've made a billion bucks so far, and it's already profitable. Robert Downey, Jr. can go ahead and buy a new mansion, ScarJo can get that Bentley and their CEO can buy his 20th yacht. Move along, nothing to see here.

Battleship, on the other hand, might end up as laughable as the Transformers movies. There's only two ways to find out now: go to your favorite P2P site, or go overseas.

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