Thursday, September 29, 2011

9.29.11 Bee-otch of the Day: Oprah Winfrey

Name: Oprah Winfrey
Age: 58
Occupation: Negro Woman from the South
Last Seen: all over the place
Bee-otched For: creating a big bomb on cable


Recently, I did something I thought I would never do: I dumped my cable.

There were several big reasons for cutting the chord. My bills have gotten to the point where it just got too cost prohibitive. Also, a lot of my favorite shows are online and even on YouTube (albeit somewhat illegally).

One huge reason for me canning cable was because I got tired of seeing my hard-earned money go to broadcasters who create shit nobody watches, or for the most part, I don't watch. Did you know that if you still have cable, you're paying something like $3 per month to Fox News Channel? Sad, ain't it.

But some of your money's also going to a little-watched channel nobody seems to like. One channel that keeps shrinking in audience, even though its part-owner is now the CEO of the network.

Ever hear of a little outfit called the Oprah Winfrey Network? Well, who hasn't?

When it debuted earlier this year, OWN had over 500,000 viewers. But, by the next month, it was down to 135,000 and it's still shrinking. It even got to the point where Oprah herself became the network's president and CEO. But, it's not helping.

Bear in mind that OWN used to be the Discovery Health Network. Comparing their ratings last year to this year, Discovery is probably sad that they even dealt with the Big O in the first place.

In one year's time, the channel has lost 20% of its viewers and even worse, 15% of its money demo 25-54 women. Their other numbers are down across the board, including overall viewers.

So, Oprah, are you missing your show yet?

Ya know, watching OWN fail makes me happy that I abandoned cable. It almost makes Cannonball Dookie look more entertaining since I'm paying nothing for that (of course, watching a naked man poop into a lake is almost as gay as watching old yentas squawk for hours on end).

In the end, it sucks to be Oprah. Discovery paid her a bundle because they thought that everything she touched turned into gold, but whoops! OWN's become an embarrassment. Hell, I only get eleven channels since canning cable, and some of them are *actually* more entertaining!

Thanks, but I have bills to pay. 
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Wednesday, September 28, 2011

9.28.11 Bee-otch of the Day: YouTube

Name: YouTube
Age: 6
Occupation: video site
Last Seen: San Bruno, CA
Bee-otched For: censoring a hit video


Sometimes, I wonder why I don't have a YouTube video out there.

But then again, maybe it's a good thing.

Earlier this week, the video sharing site yanked a popular video called "My EBT" by a rapper named "Mr. EBT". The video became popular after The Drudge Report (they're still around?) posted the video on its website and it went viral.

In the video, the song's rapper - real name Stanley LaFleur - expresses his love for the government-supplied card which is basically welfare. He goes inside many party stores to purchase potato chips, Oreos and even fast food. However, he attempts to purchase weed and alcohol with the card to no avail.

And that's why the video originally got yanked from YouTube.

According to a YouTube spokesperson, the video got pulled from the site because "All videos uploaded to YouTube must comply with our Community Guidelines. The Guidelines prohibit, among other things, spam and misleading descriptions, tags, titles or thumbnails designed to increase views. With 48 hours of video uploaded every minute to YouTube, we count on our community members to know the Community Guidelines and to flag content they believe violates them. Essentially, the community is the first line of defense. We review all flagged videos quickly, and if we find that they do violate the Guidelines, we remove them quickly.".

YouTube's guidelines state that videos glorifying drug use are subject to being banned. Therefore, the original cut of "My EBT" had to face elimination.

Many are angry at YouTube, claiming that LaFleur's 1st Amendment rights were infringed. LaFleur himself defended his video, claiming that it's to illustrate society's wrongs regarding the welfare system in America. He proclaims that the video is only a parody and that there's too many people abusing the system.

And no, he's not on food stamps at the moment.

Ya know, I do like the video to the point that it explains why certain people like to abuse the system that's designed to help them. If you need assistance, you shouldn't blow it on junk food. You need stuff that nourishes, like fruits and vegetables. If I had it my way, I'd force all EBT users to use their cards to buy foods with nutritional value.But nope! It'll never happen. EBT users gotta put junk in their bodies. To hell with eating something with vitamins, they gotta eat what's good for them to get their mind off of getting a life.

Look, I've seen lots of videos on YouTube that would break their policies. Hell, there's a video called "Cannonball Dookie" showing a man pooping into a lake. OK, so what's more offensive: a man going #2 while jumping off a dock or a dude buying weed with an EBT card?

YouTube needs to get it. Thankfully, the video's back up, so who knows how long it will stay up? If they had a brain, they would keep it up so they could show a black man's sarcastic view on a system that REALLY needs to get its shit straight. If you're on the government cheese, please, don't use it to buy Twinkies.

Same for you and your vacations, CEO of a bankrupt company.
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Tuesday, September 27, 2011

9.27.11 Bee-otch of the Day: Chick-fil-A

Name: Chick-fil-A
Age: 65
Occupation: restaurant chain
Last Seen: Atlanta, GA
Bee-otched For: expanding the hate


Lady Gaga lost one of her youngest monsters a week ago Sunday.

14-year-old Jamey Rodemeyer committed suicide at his home in suburban Buffalo, NY after facing months of bullying over his sexual identity. Just a few short months ago, Rodemeyer submitted a video to the "It Gets Better" project, explaining that it was the music of Gaga's that helped him get through tough times. Sadly, he was buried in one of his favorite shirts: one that reads "Born This Way".

Sadly, gay bullying has gotten so serious that Gaga herself personally told President Obama at a function three words that's being attributed to a popular anti-gay bullying song that's hot on the charts right now: "Make It Stop". Like Jamey, the Rise Against song played a huge role in the IGB project.

Many wonder why teens would want to hurt others, based on their sexuality. But then again, I think a huge role is due to the pure bigotry passed on by the religious right and their ilk. For years, I've told you to boycott those who promote hate, and one of the biggest businesses that's promoting this idiocy is none other than Chick-fil-A.

Chick-fil-A is the Atlanta-based fast food chain that notorious for promoting their overly-Christian values. For one thing, their best-known policy is the fact that they're the only fast food chain that orders all of their locations - O&O or franchised - to remain closed on Sundays. The chain was founded and owned by 90-year-old S. Truett Cathy, who is a devout Southern Baptist and even a Sunday School teacher.

Right now, the current toy for their kids meals are Veggietale CDs. Oh, brother.

Chick-fil-A currently has no locations in Michigan, but they're getting there. Right now, they're just south of the border in the South Bend area, but that's all for now. But, they're expanding in southern California. Many have protested the openings because the chain created the Winshape Foundation, an organization that supports other religious groups such as Focus on the Family and the American Family Association, two groups known for their anti-gay stances.

You know, folks, who are we to judge? I love people who wear shirts that say "there's only one God, you're not him" and they turn the other cheek and blast people they find ungodly. That's one reason to boycott Chick-fil-A. Yes, I'm happy that they're still family owned in this corporate life of ours, but sadly, they support these groups who support the type of people who are almost nonexistent these days: rich white Christian families.

I'll betcha that some of the people who attacked Jamey and other LGBT teens were Jesus freaks who were raised to learn that God hates Fags and that those polesmokers are gonna rot in hell. Please, read your Bible. There's no explicit verse that says that God hates gays. What goes on between anybody and the man in the sky is nobody's business but theirs.

Eat Mor Chikin? Damn straight I will... AT KFC! At least the Jebus freaks hate them these days... 

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Monday, September 26, 2011

9.26.11 Bee-otch of the Day: the state of Georgia

Name: the state of Georgia
Age: 223
Occupation: fourth-oldest state in the country
Last Seen: southeastern U.S.
Bee-otched For: killing an innocent man

The great state of Georgia has given us many great things: peaches, Coca-Cola, CNN, R.E.M. and now, the death penalty even if there's a lack of true evidence that you killed somebody.

Last week, the state ended the life of Troy Davis, who had spent 20 of his 42 years on this earth on death row for the death of a police officer. Mark McPhail was working security at a Savannah Burger King when he was called to an altercation at a nearby parking lot. While there, he was shot, and several witnesses claimed that it was Davis who shot and killed McPhail, who was 27 and married with an two-year-old daughter and infant son. However, seven out of the nine witnesses recanted the story and Davis maintained his innocence to the day he was executed. DNA evidence even failed to link Davis to the shooting. 

Many have fought for Davis' freedom, including former president Jimmy Carter, Rev. Al Sharpton, the NAACP and even Pope Benedict. Davis even offered to take a lie detector test, but the courts wouldn't allow it. Despite insufficient evidence, Davis was put to death via lethal injection last Thursday.

Since Davis' execution, there has been major outcry regarding his death. Many are protesting and boycotting the state of Georgia, including Michael Moore, who asked his publisher to pull all copies of his latest book, Here Comes Trouble off Georgian bookshelves. Due to contractual reasons, they cannot, so Moore will donate proceeds of the book to a fund for Davis' family.

Ya know, I do support the death penalty only if there's enough evidence to convict. Georgia just wanted to take this man out of his misery, probably because he was black and a lowlife. He was a poor student, dropped out of high school his junior year and had poor attendance at his job making railroad signs. He was even charged for carrying a concealed weapon just a year before the Burger King incident.

But remember, kids, this is the south we're talking about. Remember the West Memphis 3? One of the guys was given the death penalty even though he clearly didn't kill one of the young boys. The DNA proved that it was one of the boys' stepfathers who murdered and castrated them. Down south, people judge you because you're not one of them. They don't want those coloreds and rock 'n rollers around to mess things up.

Sadly, they won't have Troy Davis to push around anymore.
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Thursday, September 22, 2011

9.22.11 Bee-otch of the Day: The Republicans

Name: The Republican Party
Age: 157
Occupation: the right wingLast Seen: Washington, DC
Bee-otched For: screwing over the young

Are you in your 20s and broke? I feel your pain.

As a matter of fact, you can go ahead and blame your parents.

In a recent study, roughly 37% of all young American families in their 20s and early 30s are now living in poverty. That is opposed to senior couples, where only 5% are living broke.

It's official: our parents have failed us.

While you were bouncing in your crib, your parents and grandparents were making the huge mistake of voting for Reagan and his tax-cutting plans for the rich. By 1993, poverty had climbed to an all-time high, but it was Clinton's new plans to tax the wealthy that created a surplus when he left the White House. Then, Bush happened, followed by 9/11 and funding the massive wars for oil.

In the end, you betcha, the 20 and 30-somethings are trying to rub two pennies together, or at least two credit cards.

Our nation is now made up of young folks trying to make ends meet. Many laugh at the fact that it appears that most 20-somethings are still living with mommy and/or daddy or living in less-than-perfect conditions. But, they don't have much of a choice.

Look at me. I've worked for the same company since I was 21 and now I'm 30. I've only had one raise and it sucks. My bills have skyrocketed, but my pay hasn't. I even dumped my cable last week. Why? Methinks that I got sucked into a new system where thanks to high-octane Repukes and decreased competition, my boss has been given the right to treat his employees a slight step up from slavery. Instead of a raise, we get "be thankful you have a job."

Sadly, he's right. I have family that's having problems right now. I have a cousin who moved to Colorado because her husband couldn't get work here. I have an aunt who moved to Alabama because her husband found work there, too. Another cousin has two college degrees and he's still with mommy and daddy, and another aunt might be losing their house because her husband can't get work.

In the end, even a college degree won't help. I have three years' trade school experience and I'm struggling where I'm at. Hell, I have a $709 car insurance bill due in the middle of next month and I don't have the money, especially since my boss cut my hours and even eliminated our bonuses. It sucks. My Sirius subscription's up as well, and I might not renew. Besides, Howard Stern has money, but I don't. I have a cell phone, and I might as well use Slacker or Jango.

You see, when you vote Republican, this is what you get: BROKE. Many youngin's suffer from arrested development because we're in a society where the rich get richer and the poor get poorer. One can work 60 hours and they're still behind. As much as I stand up with Obama to tax the rich, I know that his policies won't get passed thanks to the nutjobs in the House who were bought in by the Koch Brothers to wreck his policies and reduce him into a modern Stepin Fetchit from the FDR-like speeches that got him elected.

Folks, it's time for the Republicans to get their fucking heads out of their asses and to stop it with this working poor crap. I want the middle class back. I want to live in a nice house, a family, kids of my own, and yes, cable. I want to have money in my bank account and a raise every year. Instead, I don't have cable, I don't have much in savings, I don't have a family and I live in a shithole. Hell, I was walking out of my complex to get to work at 2:45 yesterday, and there was a young black man standing there with a Bud Light in his hand and his pants falling down his ass.

Why me, Lord...

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Wednesday, September 21, 2011

9.21.11 Bee-otch of the Day: Mancow

Name: Erich Matthew Muller
Age: 45
Occupation: has-been Stern cloneLast Seen: Chicago
Bee-otched For: getting a huge downgrade

If Howard Stern is Mad Magazine, Mancow is Cracked.

In their 59 years in business, Mad has maintained many of their writers and artists, with people like Sergio Aragones, Paul Coker, Mort Drucker, Dick DeBartolo and Al Jaffee being there for at least 40 years. Cracked? Well, they had John Severin and that's it. Mad's still around in print form while Cracked became downgraded to web only after a series of bad business deals and lower circulation.

Howard still has listeners and still has Robin, Fred and Baba Booey. Mancow? Well, he can't keep a sidekick and more importantly, affiliates.

As many can recall, The Cow was let go from the now-defunct Q101 some years back due to poor ratings. He still continued with his still-syndicated Morning Madhousewhile doing a new midday show for WLS, but was let go from that, too.

But now, a radio station in the Chicago area has decided to pick up Mancow's morning show after several years of being in limbo in the Windy City. Is the station the station that replaced Q101, FM News 101.1? Nope. 97.9 The Loop? Uh-uh. The Drive? Still cold. WXRT? Keep guessin'.

Hint: it's not on FM.

And it's not on WSCR, WMVP, WLS, WGN, WIND or (especially) WVON, either.

The new home for Mancow in Chicago is (drumroll please).... WJJG.

I know your reaction: "HUH?"

Yep, starting on October 3rd, Mancow will now be heard on WJJG 1530 out of Elmhurst, a Chicago suburb. The station broadcasts out of an old apartment complex in Berkeley and is owned by an 80-something former car dealer, Joseph J. Gentile (hence the call sign). The station airs a brokered talk and adult standards format.

Recently, Gentile hired Matt DuBiel, who has worked in Chicago radio for years and recently purchased Q101's assets. As WJJG's GM, he's promising to transform the tiny station into a player in the market. So, he got Mancow not only for mornings, but a replay in the afternoon as well.

However, WJJG has absolutely no ratings, and it will stay that way.

You see, WJJG broadcasts with a whopping 760 watts and only covers a small chunk of Chicagoland. According to, the station's city-grade signal doesn't even reach Chicago proper. Even worse, the station is only on the air during the daytime, and during critical hours - two hours after sunrise and two hours before sunset - the station's signal fights with WCKY out of Cincinnati, which they have to protect due to their clear channel status.

What might be the funniest of all is that Mancow's show is syndicated live 5-8 a.m. Chicago time, and because they're a daytimer, WJJG will shift the show to 7-10 a.m. So in other words, The Cow won't be live in his own hometown.

But in the wonderful world known as radio, it sucks to be him. Howard kicked his ass left and right when he was on Q101 and the bruises are still there. He's not funny, he appeals to douchebags and most of all, he rips a lot of stuff off from Howard. Oh, and I love it that he bowed to the money-stealing bozos at TBN by making an appearance on their Praise the Lord program (fast forward to the 1:33 mark).

In the end, WJJG will get a 0.0 in the ratings and Mancow will still have egg on his face. I hope he's happy that he was on three stations in Michigan only to get canned and that the majority of his current affiliates are in small hick towns. Yeah, he's on Sunday nights at WABC in New York, but still...

In the end, he's still Howard Stern's bitch.

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Tuesday, September 20, 2011

5.20.11 Bee-otch of the Day: Pat Robertson

Name: Marion Gordon Robertson
Age: 81
Occupation: old preacherLast Seen: Virginia Beach, VA
Bee-otched For: being old and confused

Do you take this lawfully-wedded wife, for richer or poorer, for sickness and in health...

Except when he or she has Alzheimers?

As many of us know by now, the almighty creator and host of The 700 Club, Pat Robertson is at it again. On his show last week, the televanglist was answering questions from viewers, and one of them involved a man whose wife got Alzheimers but he's now with a different woman. Robertson chimed that as long as she's being well cared for, that yes, it's OK to move on and divorce your mentally ill spouse.

Yep. This is the same geezer who had a field day with the Terri Shiavo case and has bashed gays for even wanting to marry. for years.

OK, Pat, just WHERE in the Bible does it say that it's OK to divorce somebody based on disability? I thought I heard from people like you for years that God hates divorce. But ditching somebody with Alzheimers? Talk about cruel.

Yet another reason why I hate Pat Robertson with a passion. He's just another snake oil salesman who preys on the elderly and poor to give him money, and yet he's reportedly a billionaire. He comes up with whack-ass statements that go up agaisnt Biblical principle while bashing gays and liberals alike even though the Bible says nothing about them being evil. Thanks, but I'll spend what's little of my money elsewhere.

However, today, we have an honorable mention for Bee-otch of the Day, and it's northern Michigan's TV stations, especially local Fox affiliate WFQX 32. Fox 32 is only one of two TV stations in Michigan still airing The 700 Club (Detroit's WMYD 20's the other) as far as I know. What's more annoying is that Fox 32 finally canceled the extremely popular Maury, which they buried in the 3 a.m. hour ever since CBS affiliate WWTV 9&10 owner Mario Iacobelli bought the station using one of his pals from Arizona (FCC rules prohibit Iacobelli from owning two TV stations in a small market like Traverse City/Cadillac, but there's nothing in the rules that they couldn't pull a Bill Tobin). Even worse, 1) Fox 32 has added more infomercials and 2) nobody in the market seems to be interested in Maury or even Jerry Springer for that matter (it's syndiemate, Steve Wilkos, however can be seen on the cable only CW station). Not even Traverse City's two indies - WLLZ 12 (MyNetworkTV/RTV) or the mostly-classics WMNN 26.2 - seemed to be interested in either, even though 12 picked up Family Guy and American Dad and 26.2 is now airing Family Feud and the awfulWendy Williams Show. What might be more funnier is that Barrington Broadcasting - who owns NBC WPBN 7&4 and is Tobining out ABC WGTU 29&8 - just addedMaury and Springer to their Fox affiliate in Marquette.

Funny, people in northern Michigan won't know who the babydaddy is, but they'll know that if they donate to The 700 Club, everything will come up roses. This is why duopolies suck, folks. If I were the FCC, I'd be looking into the local media to prove that when you only have four major stations in the market and two owners, you're going to get a ton of infomercials and evil preachers going after your money and not enough "JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!"

But then again, you can sit in a backwoods neighborhood near South Boardman all day and it's the same thing as an episode of either show.

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