3.12.14 Bee-otch of the Day: WWE

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Bee-otch of the Day honors are awarded Monday through Thursday, Bee-otch of the Week is awarded Friday on Chuck69.com.

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Name: World Wrestling Entertainment
Age: 62
Occupation: wrestling organization
Last Seen: Stamford, CT
Bee-otched For: nailing one more nail into the Attitude era
---
Scooby Scooby Dooby D'oh!
This year marks the 30th anniversary of Wrestlemania, the yearly event that's called by many as the Super Bowl of wrestling. To help mark the event's birthday, a man who was there at the first Wrestlemania, Hulk Hogan, will host the event in New Orleans.

And oh yes, it's also getting immortalized in a movie starring Scooby-Doo.

Scooby-Doo! Wrestlemania Mystery is the latest in straight-to-video adventures starring the beloved Great Dane and his sidekicks Velma, Daphne, Fred and his best friend of all, Shaggy. This time, Scooby and Shaggy win tickets to the Wrestlemania event, but a monster is threatening to ruin the event. So, the duo enlist the help of WWE Superstars John Cena, Triple H, Mr. McMahon (in his first voice acting role, I think since Stone Cold Steve Austin royally kicked his ass on Celebrity Deathmatch), Kane, The Miz, Brodus Clay, Santino Marilla, Sin Cara, AJ Lee (the only Diva in the bunch) and yes, good 'ol John Cena.

Save your money, folks, because I know how the plot works. It's the same plot used on ALL Scooby-Doo cartoons: Scooby and the gang meet up with some strange dude, but then, they're haunted by ghosts. They finally capture the ghost, unmask it and it's the strange dude they met in the beginning of the episode. He utters "you meddling kids" and the gang all laugh. Show's over, the end.

I find the fact that the WWE and Warner - who own Scooby-Doo alongside virtually everything created and produced by Bill Hanna and Joe Barbera - are working together on this project, especially since the two were at odds with each other once upon a time in the infamous Monday night battle between Warner's WCW Nitro and WWE's Raw. The two different leagues gave wrestling fans choice and better content. But with WCW becoming an afterthought while the WWE became legend with its Attitude era wrestlers like The Rock and Stone Cold Steve Austin.

Of course, WWE bought out WCW and some of the assets of ECW. Vince McMahon had the wrestling world to himself. True, there's TNA and ROH, but the WWE is still king. However, in recent years, the WWE has been abandoning their older fans partly due to the popularity of the PG-rated John Cena while the R-rated Stone Cold and others retired or moved on. A lot of it also was due to Linda McMahon's failed senate runs and some wrestlers dying from steroid abuse.

The fact that the WWE is doing a Scooby-Doo movie only proves that the league is now a fucking kids' show. Back in the Attitude era, they would never do a cartoon for kids. True, Scooby's been associated with the likes of the Harlem Globetrotters, The Three Stooges and Mama Cass, but having him associate himself with the WWE proves that we might ever see AJ in Playboy.

What's next, the WWE and Barney the Dinosaur? I love you, you love me, will you slam a chair on my knee?

     ---

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3.11.14 Bee-otch of the Day: Walmart

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Name: Walmart
Age: 52
Occupation: mega retailer
Last Seen: Bentonville, AR
Bee-otched For: causing a family to turn on, tune in and drop out
---
One of my favorite King of the Hill episodes was the one Hank joins a local food co-op because the meat at the local Mega-Lo Mart was horrible.

The meat was tasteless and the produce was the same. He tried to complain to the butcher, but a zit-faced employee told him that all the meat was butchered some place else. Then, he became one with the hippies and joined the co-op, where the meats and produce actually had taste. Of course, Hank had some ideas for the struggling co-op, but was then treated like the enemy because it started to make money and eventually, Mega-Lo Mart bought them out to basically turn them into a mini location.

For some people, they don't know what meat tastes like anymore because they're too fucking stupid to buy it at a reputable store. Instead, they buy it at Walmart, which claims that their meat is the best around. However, their stores don't have local butchers and it's all shipped in. And in the case of a family in Tampa, FL, they learned the hard way.

The family of four, which included Rosado Morales, a woman nine months pregnant sat down to eat what they thought was a nice bottom steak dinner when they started hallucinating. They were rushed to the hospital where she was forced to induce labor. Thankfully, her baby boy was born healthy and the rest of the family is doing OK.

The county examiner did find that the meat was contaminated with LSD. Now, the Walmart itself and its supplier, megafarm Cargill are being investigated. Walmart is complying with investigators by removing all its meat from their shelves at that store.

A lot of times, I cringe when I hear of a small town losing its sole grocer just because its residents would rather drive all the way to a big box store just for their low prices. However, people don't seem to care that Walmart doesn't have butchers in their stores and that their meat comes from a factory farm where cows are beaten and tortured. Personally, when I buy a steak, I want it to be locally grown. This is why even though I shop Aldi for most of my groceries, I don't trust their meat department. So, when I'm hankering for a steak, I go to Horrock's on 44th and Breton here in Grand Rapids, Gordy's IGA on Division or even Ken's Fruit Market on Eastern. These stores all seem to have reasonable prices for meat, and they all have live butchers in their stores.

What might be even more sad is that I was watching Masterchef on Fox last year, and the fat guy on the show was talking about how Walmart - the sponsor of the show - has "high standards" for their meat and that only one out of five steaks meet Walmart standards.

I guess the Walton family was hallucinating themselves when that statement was made.

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3.10.14 Bee-otch of the Day: Good News Media

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Name: Good News Media
Age: 32
Occupation: Christian broadcaster
Last Seen: Traverse City, MI
Bee-otched For: bringing yet another unneeded radio station to northern Michigan
---
Well, folks, I have some good news and bad news.

The good news is that last week, northern Michigan gained a brand new radio station. Its name even sounds cool: Fuel FM.

The bad news: it's another greedy Jebus freak broadcaster.

Fuel FM 95.9 is northern Michigan's newest Christian contemporary radio station. It's competing with other area stations such as Smile FM, Strong Tower Radio, The Promise and others. Fuel FM is owned by Good News Media, which also owns general Christian-formatted WLJN-FM 89.9 and Christian talk WLJN-AM 1400 and 1370 "The Source".

A few weeks ago while I was cleaning out some stuff from my apartment to make way for my new carpet, I came across an old Traverse City Record-Eagle article from 1997 that talked about some of the changes going around on the northern Michigan radio dial. It talked about the new, but soon-to-be-ill-fated country station The Bee 94.3/92.5 and WLDR back when it was Sunny 102, playing adult contemporary music. The article was kinda long, with interviews with WTCM owner Ross Biederman and then-WLDR owner Don Wiitala, who had mentioned that radio ownership was "not fun anymore".

In the article was a little article-within-an article that talked about a proposed new station out of Fife Lake. The proposal was made by "a Texas company" and people had wondered when it would ever sign on. Well, that "Texas company" ended up purchasing WLDR in 2000 and a few other properties. They even made headlines in Traverse City for years because of the infamous hole in the ground downtown that was supposed to be their headquarters, but was never finished, blaming competition and a poor economy. They were supposed to build 95.9, but it never happened and was forced to have its construction permit revoked by the FCC.

Well, the FCC had an auction for the 19,000-watt frequency, whose signal goes as far north to Charlevoix to Marion in the south and from Thompsonville in the west to Houghton Lake in the east. The winner was Good News Media. There was speculation that GNM would simulcast WLJN-FM on 95.9, but instead went with a format aimed for an underserved part of northern Michigan: the 18-34 crowd.

True, the millennials and gen-Xers have KHQ, Z93, WCDY for CHR and if you're around the Straits area, Rock 105 for modern rock. But most radio stations up north play a ton of oldies, country and classic rock that's a major turn-off for them. Northern Michigan is already saturated with Jebus freak stations as-is, most of whom are non-profit and supported by listeners. Why do they need ANOTHER station?

OK, OK, so some of you fellow Christians are kinda mad at me for spewing that northern Michigan needs another secular station. And ya know what? It does. I, for one, am still PISSED that Real Rock 105/95-5 abandoned their Traverse City signal at 95.5 for boring slow AC. I think the area needs another new rock station that serves the area better, not a Jebus freak station that begs their listeners for money.

You see, the 18-34 crowd has better things to spend on rather than on a Christian pop station whose owners probably don't pay taxes and putz around in late-model Mercedes. Sad but true, Christian pop stations aren't even faring well as-is. Here in Grand Rapids - a town that's more conservative than northern Michigan - Way FM recently signed off due to a lack of financial support from their listeners. Their frequencies flipped to a simulcast of sister station WCSG, a station whose audience is more female and older than that of Way FM's. Same story with WPRJ 101.7 in mid-Michigan and 91.3 in the Alpena area: no money from young people = no station.

I've been having some nice e-mail chats with a former radio DJ in Traverse City, and he agrees with a lot of what I have to say about the industry. One of the sad things he told me was that he has a 17-year-old son and he and his friends don't listen to the radio. Ya know what? He has a good point. In the mid-90's, up north stations like WTCM and WKLT had 20 shares. However, internet radio grew, satellite radio grew and so did Pandora and Slacker. He told me that WTCM was now in the 6-range the last time he looked at an Arbitron chart. The point is, radio is DYING, and the fault's on technology that puts the individual in charge instead of corporate PDs and labels that tell people what to listen to.

If I owned a radio station up north, I would definitely go out on the streets and ask individuals on what's missing up north on the radio. Personally, I think Real Rock 95-5 had a good thing going when Del Reynolds pulled the plug on it. If EZ 95-5 has a 2 share right now, I'd be shocked.

My DJ friend also told me that if any radio station came into their business and wanted him to buy spots on their station, he'd kick them out if they couldn't provide numbers. Hell, I'd go Steve Wilkos on their ass.

Terrestrial radio: dying a sad, painful death since the day Al Gore invented the internet.

     ---

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3.6.14 Bee-otch of the Day: The Koch Brothers

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Name: Charles and David Koch
Age: 78, 73
Occupation: billionaires
Last Seen: Kansas
Bee-otched For: using a sick woman to promote their political views
---
  
Like anybody else, I like Warner Bros. cartoons.

We've all seen the Looney Tunes where Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck squabble at each other with Daffy yelling "RABBIT SEASON!" while Bugs saying "duck season" back and forth, back and forth. While this is going on, poor Elmer Fudd's eyeballs go left and right and left and right like a tennis ball.

But for us non-fictional people, it's neither wabbit or duck season. It's political season, and it's up to us whether or not we want to grill a donkey or an elephant. It's also that time of year media outlets air tons of political ads with candidates wanting to sway our vote towards them.

One sobering ad that's been airing here in Michigan shows a middle-aged woman named Julie Boonstra crying that Obamacare screwed her over. She has leukemia and claimed that she had a good doctor and a good insurance plan. But now, since Obamacare was passed, she's had to pay more for her healthcare. Her old health plan was revoked and is now paying more for her treatment.

Question is, is she telling the truth?

According to an interview she did with the Detroit News, Obamacare has ACTUALLY saved her money! Her old plan with Blue Cross Blue Shield was over $1,100 per month. Now, it's $571. She's being allowed to keep her doctor also.

Hmmm, I smell something fishy here...

The ads that Ms. Boonstra appears on are all sponsored by the fine folks from Americans for Prosperity, a non-profit group that's funded by mega-billionaires Charles and David Koch. The Kochs have made their money drilling holes in the ground and polluting the environment. Plus, they own some well-known brands, like Brawny paper towels and Georgia Pacific. The Kochs are also huge supporters of the Tea Party and have worked diligently to spread lies about President Obama.

The truth is, the Kochs are using this sick woman to yank Democrat Gary Peters from Congress and replace him with Terri Lynn Land(R), who will use taxes from the middle class to give more to the Kochs. This is a hotly-contested race, and the sad fact is that when people see this old lady cry that Obama's trying to kill her, it's simply not the truth. She's just an old Hollander Republican who uses lies to help her rich buddies (oh, and BTW, her husband's a former chair of the Washtenaw County Replublican Party).

Yep, just politics as usual. What a waste of a Kleenex.   

 
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3.5.14 Bee-otch of the Day: United States Postal Service

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Name: United States Postal Service
Age: 42
Occupation: the people who deliver our mail
Last Seen: Washington, DC
Bee-otched For: delivering for me... almost a week late---
  
A few weeks ago, I was on a buying streak.

With my tax refund in my bank account, I decided to do some catching up with some items that I so desperately needed. So, I went to the mall, bought some shoes and jeans and on Amazon.com, I bought a new battery for my laptop and Google's new Chromecast device which allows people to transmit what's on their computers or smartphones onto their TV.

Personally, when it comes to packages, I like either UPS or FedEx. If I'm not there, they take my packages to my apartment's office where they hold it for people who aren't physically able to take them. The United States Postal Service, sadly, is a different story.

I made my orders through Amazon a week ago Saturday. They were supposed to be here some time during the week. However, last Wednesday, I got a nice little pink slip in the mail from my mail carrier that I needed to go all the way down to my postal service center to pick my package there. The slip stated that I could pick it up on Thursday. However, that Thursday, I had a doctor's appointment and I spent a huge chunk of that day waiting for my prescription at Meijer (you know, Monday's Bee-otch of the Day). By the time I finally made it to the post office, they were closed. Bastards. So, I headed back there on Friday hoping to get BOTH my Chromecast and battery. I only got the battery.

You see, my mailman didn't leave me a slip for my Chromecast. I didn't even know if it was at my post office. So, I called the USPS's mail re-delivery line, waited 30 minutes, and the guy I spoke to - a Mexican who didn't speak very good English - told me that the package would be re-delivered Saturday. Even worse, come to find out, the mailman came with the Chromecast just after noon on Wednesday. Yeah, like most people are home at that time. Well, Saturday came, and it didn't come. So, I went to the USPS' website and did a redelivery there. Well, on Monday, I finally got a response from the mailman, and that he doesn't deliver to my office and that if I want my packages, I would have to come on down to the post office on Tuesday to pick it up. I did come on Monday just to see if by luck it did come back and it didn't. Thankfully, I finally got the Chromecast today... almost a week after it was originally delivered.

Despite my little war with the USPS, I'm very pleased with the Chromecast. The video quality is superb and it's flat-out cool watching YouTube videos on my TV. If I want, I could even watch Netflix shows or other programs on there. The only downfall is that it screws up the signal of my cable to watch broadcast TV.

However, I think it's sad that because of my mailman doing things different than UPS or FedEx, I got stuck waiting in several lines and waiting just to get a $30 device for my internet and TV. I hope the next time I order something off of Amazon, I'll have the option of going through UPS or FedEx instead. Remember, those companies were created because their founders hated the USPS. True, God bless the USPS for being run by the government, but still, I think it's an abomination having to wait almost a week just because a package won't fit into my tiny cubby hole of a mailbox.

Who knows? Maybe the next time I go through Amazon, I'll get visited by a drone.

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3.4.14 Bee-otch of the Day: Matt Hanlon

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Name: Matt Hanlon
Age: 44
Occupation: former radio exec
Last Seen: Grand Rapids, MI
Bee-otched For: molding into a new career--- He's baaaaaack.

But thankfully, he's no longer in radio.

Many of us remember the great Bee-otch alumnus Matt Hanlon, the dumbass who helped run Citadel Broadcasting into bankruptcy a few years ago. Us Stern fans here in Grand Rapids are still angry at the fact that he destroyed KLQ by yanking Howard Stern off that station and replacing him with failed morning show after failed morning show.

Let's not forget that his stations - such as 105.3 Hot FM and the now-former Thunder 94.5 - were frequently WSNX and B93's bitches respectively. When 96.1 ESPN signed on, WBBL - especially the fat nimrod known as Huge - became worthless.

Well, Hanlon was let go when Citadel merged with Cumulus, so he went over to Townsquare Media - owners of WGRD, WLHT, WFGR, 100.5 The River and WNWZ - to sell ads. That of course ended when he got busted for a drunk driving accident that critically injured an Indian couple in 2012.

Hanlon was only charged with time served and a fine, but his career of running radio stations into the ground were over. With only three major groups left in Grand Rapids and him getting the boot from two of them, where's a failure come to work?

The answer: call your brother.

For a while, Hanlon's whereabouts post-drunk driving incident made him into another Amelia Earhart or Jimmy Hoffa. But now, we've found out that he's now the Vice President of Development of Hanlon Sculpture, a company owned by his brother, Brian. The company specializes in sculpting statues of sports legends and usually ends up selling them to sports institutions and stadiums. The company is based in Tom's River, NJ in an old chicken coop.

IMHO, if you've failed in life, you beg for family for help and that's Matt Hanlon. He failed as a GM of several radio stations and failed selling ads. Question is, will the integrity of his brother's sculpting business survive with him helping to run it?

All I can say is that I hope he doesn't make his brother make bronze statues of Ron and Don or Grey and Kluck.


  ---

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3.3.14 Bee-otch of the Day: Meijer

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Name: Meijer
Age: 80
Occupation: big box retailer
Last Seen: Grand Rapids, MI
Bee-otched For: worst. pharmacy. ever.
--- As a kid, I grew up in Elk Rapids, MI, a town that has two pharmacies. One was Hatch Pharmacy downtown and the other was River Pharmacy, which was also downtown but moved to a new medical plaza on Ames Street about 20 years ago. Thankfully, both druggists are still in business, although Hatch's is now The Corner Druggist and the building it's in has served as a drug store since it was built in 1910.

Several years ago, I had a discussion with my great aunt and uncle, who live not far from Elk Rapids in Kewadin. There was talk about Walgreen's coming to town, and the residents weren't happy about it. They were scared that it would be ultra-competitve with the small, family-owned drug stores in town and run them out of business. It would also hurt the town's three gas stations, party store downtown and sole supermarket, the Village Market, which has been in business for 65 years now. My great uncle had cancer surgery while they were in Florida, they went to Walgreen's for his meds. He was out in the car close to vomiting while my great aunt was bitching to the moron running the store who seemed reluctant to help. They then told me about how the man who owns The Corner Druggist, Wes Knecht, lives in the small apartment above the store and if there's an emergency - even in the dead of night - he would rush downstairs to fill up the meds.

Thankfully, Wally's in Elk Rapids was never built. Wanna go to one? You drive ten miles to the one in Acme. Otherwise, you have to deal with the painfully excellent service from either Mr. Knecht or Louis Garanghelli at the River Pharmacy.

But sadly, I'm in Grand Rapids, where the words "family-owned" seem to be a pipe dream in the world of Meijers, Walmarts, Family Fares and D&Ws. OK, so Meijer is still privately owned by the descendants of founder Hendrik Meijer, a barber who founded a small neighborhood grocery store in 1934 that became one of the midwest's largest retailers, but they're a force to reckon with here in Michigan's second-largest city.

A few weeks ago, I gave Meijer my Bee-otch of the Day for their painfully slow service getting my meds after my doctor told me that I have a severe ear infection and anxiety that stemmed from it. I waited some two hours before I finally got my meds. The time after that, I only waited maybe 45 minutes.

Well, on Thursday, I went back to the doctor and he changed my prescription for my antibiotics. I told the ladies at the doctor's office to call in my prescription, which meant reducing my wait time. So, I drive over there at 4:30 and the lady at the counter told me that the prescription wasn't even in the system yet. I waited 30 minutes and the lady told me again that it wasn't in the queue. So, I drove home. My phone's battery was almost dead, so I charged it. At 8 p.m., I turned the phone back on and I got a phone message at 6:12 p.m. It was a recorded message from Meijer telling me to pick up my meds.

Yep! It took Meijer one hour and 45 minutes just to fill up a flippin' cup of antibiotics. FAIL.

I talked to my father about it and he goes to Walmart's pharmacy where he has the same problem. Recently, my stepmother had hand surgery on both hands. The surgery was done in Louisville, over 100 miles from where my dad and stepmom live. So, after the surgery was done, Dad drove my stepmom to Walmart Pharmacy near where they live - about an hour drive, mind you - and SURPRISE! The prescription was not in the system yet. Dad was in there walking in circles while my poor stepmom was out in the car in severe pain and agony.

Folks, this is why I think the big box pharmacy system is a joke. Their objective is to chase ma-n-pa out of business to make their billions. Walmart and Meijer did it to several towns, especially here in Michigan. Hell, I was talking with a woman from a tiny town in northern Michigan called Fife Lake not long ago and their pharmacy closed. They couldn't compete with the ones in Kingsley, Kalkaska, Manton or even Cadillac. There's a lot of older people in Fife Lake and with the roads being undrivable during the long winter months, it's tough on them.

True, Meijer deserves applause for selling antibiotics for free, but waiting sucks. If they want me as a customer, they gotta get their shit together. Life is short, and I don't want to spend it waiting.
  ---

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