2.22.17 Bee-otch of the Day: Donald Trump

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Bee-otch of the Day honors are awarded Monday through Thursday, Bee-otch of the Week is awarded Friday on Chuck69.com.

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Name: Donald Trump
Age: 70
Occupation: bullshitter-in-chief 
Last Seen: Washington, DC
Bee-otched For: shutting the bathroom door and kicking out the fighters

--

Last week during his pissy rant against the media, Drumpf told the crowd that he inherited a mess.

What mess? The fact that transgender people could now use the bathroom of their choice? Well, that's coming to an end.

Today, the Drumpf administration revealed that he's now planning to overturn President Obama's edict that allows people to use the bathroom of their choosing in public schools. Some schools were upset over Obama's ruling because it would allow men to use the women's room and so on.

Meanwhile, there is a Supreme Court case ensuing where a teenage transgender boy, Gavin Grimm, is against his school, Gloucester County in Virginia for not allowing him to use the boy's room at his school. Of course, the SC only has eight justices at the moment, so things can get interesting.

With Drumpf bowing so far to the right, this is definitely a head-shaker. Years ago while watching Wrestlemania at my local Buffalo Wild Wings, I saw what appeared to be a little black girl using the urinal in the boys room. I wondered, why in the hell couldn't she use the women's room? Strange.

The point is, I think Drumpf is simply showing his right-winged jerkoff fans that he wants to make America into a country that's self-centered and only about us. Our healthcare laws are weak comparing to other countries. Hell, look at gay marriage: Canada legalized it long before we did. Question is, will Drumpf do his damndest to not only ban transgender people from using the bathroom of their choice but also make gay marriage illegal and make other pro-gay laws moot? Stay tuned.

Meanwhile in North Dakota, protesters are burning down their tents in anger over the fact that they've all been told to leave the area of the Dakota Access Pipeline after Drumpf allowed it to continue to be built. The protesters where complaining that the pipeline could leak and poison 8,000 members of the local Indian tribe. Obama stopped the pipeline's erection, but it was Trump who allowed it to continue. After all, his energy secretary nominee, Rick Perry, is an investor of the company building the pipeline.

But let's remember this: all poop stinks, no matter what butthole it comes out of. 

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2.21.17 Bee-otch of the Day: Milo Yiannopoulos

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Bee-otch of the Day honors are awarded Monday through Thursday, Bee-otch of the Week is awarded Friday on Chuck69.com.

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Name: Milo Yiannopoulos
Age: 32
Occupation: right-winged bullshitter
Last Seen: New York
Bee-otched For: being a sick, sick asshole

--

When a heart attack killed right-winged prick Andrew Breitbart almost five years ago, I thought to myself, "one down, too many to go".

Oddly enough, his venom-induced website is still in business thanks to his old business partner Larry Solov and is filled with pure idiocy. However, they know where the line is.

Senior editor Milo Yiannapoulos has left the far-right site over a YouTube video that was exposed of him making comments regarding young children having sex with older people. He claimed that there were young people capable of having relations with older people, especially those as young as 13. Milo admitted that he was molested by a priest when he was 14.

As a result of his comments, Milo has been banned from speaking at the Conservative Political Action Conference this week in Maryland and Simon and Schuster has canceled their plans to publish his autobiography called "Dangerous".

Milo is well-known for his flamboyant looks, which is as moronic as his opinions. He's been well-known for bashing women, gays (despite being one himself) and Muslims. An appearance at UC-Berkley was canceled because 1,500 protesters showed up, standing against him. He was also banned from Twitter for making criticisms about the Orlando Nightclub shooting and Saturday Night Live star Leslie Jones.

Now, he thinks that it's OK for 13-year-olds to have sex with adults? Sick. You know, in his home country, there's several celebrities such as Gary Glitter, Rolf Harris and the late Jimmy Savile that have been all blacklisted for their trysts with children. Play "Rock 'n Roll Part 2" or "Tie Me Kangaroo Down, Sport" on the radio there and you'll get death threats. It's a shame that there's people in America who tolerate Milo's bullshit and clearly, it has to stop.

Suddenly, I like Perez Hilton a lot more now.  

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2.20.17 Bee-otch of the Day: Glenn McCoy

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Bee-otch of the Day honors are awarded Monday through Thursday, Bee-otch of the Week is awarded Friday on Chuck69.com.

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Name: Glenn McCoy
Age: 52
Occupation: cartoonist
Last Seen: Belleville, IL
Bee-otched For: spitting on Normal Rockwell

--

It's always sad when somebody takes a good painting and simply ruins it.

It was huge news story several years ago when a woman was paid to restore the painting known as "Fresco of Jesus" and instead, she ruined it.

Now, Glenn McCoy didn't destroy Norman Rockwell's "The Problem We All Live With", which depicted six-year-old Ruby Bridges walking to her first day at an otherwise all-white school in Louisiana in 1960. But, he ruined it by comparing a wealthy tyrant like Betsy Devos to her.

In Rockwell's original painting, Bridges is walking between four US Marshals on her way to school. She walks by a wall with the words "nigger" and "KKK" scrolled on it. A thrown tomato, aimed at Bridges is seen.

However, Glenn McCoy's remake shows Bridges replaced with Devos, surrounded by security men as she walks past a wall that has "conservative" and "NEA" scrolled on it. The only similarity between the two drawings is that both Bridges and Devos almost fell victims to being splattered with a tomato.

McCoy's cartoon comes after Devos - who was elected education secretary by one vote - visited a Washington, DC school only to be greeted by people who didn't want her in. Devos has never taught a class and she has never attended a public school, nor her children.

So how did McCoy respond to the controversy? He said "My cartoon was about how, in this day and age, decades beyond the civil rights protests, it's sad that people are still being denied the right to speak freely or do their jobs or enter public buildings because others disagree with who they are or how they think. I'm surprised that some readers see 'hate' in this cartoon when I thought I was speaking out against hate."

Speaking out against hate? Explain this.

The sad thing is, is that my childhood indie paper in Traverse City, the Northern Express was sold not too long ago from its founders - two old hippies - to an opposed right-winged dick who canned most of the paper's comics when he took over. This Modern World by Tom Tomorrow: GONE! Tom The Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling: it disappeared for a while, but I guess it's gone for good this time. What happened was when TTDB reappeared in the Express, they added McCoy's editorials, too. Sadly, the comic that depicted the looters avoiding that nasty 'ol belt and suspender store appeared in the Express. It wouldn't surprise me if readers got pissed and they took McCoy's 'toons out of the rag.

The sad thing is that Glenn McCoy was the dude who helped to create Minions. Yes, those lovable yellow men from the Despicable Me movies that got their own movie. He did the storyboards for those movies, plus he has two daily comic strips: The Duplex and The Flying McCoys, both co-created with his evil twin brother, Gary. He is a busy man; it's too bad that he makes utter crap that's a slap in the face towards black people.

Maybe people need to hurl tomatoes towards Mr. McCoy, and he'll have no security.

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2.16.17 Bee-otches of the Day: the Religious Right

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Bee-otch of the Day honors are awarded Monday through Thursday, Bee-otch of the Week is awarded Friday on Chuck69.com.

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Name: the Religious Right

Age: ageless
Occupation: Christian wannabes
Last Seen: everywhere
Bee-otched For: Trump: good, Obama: bad

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With many Americans hoping that Drumpf's association with the Russians will be the driving force of his dismissal from the White House, some are hoping that the power of JEEEEEEEEZUS will keep him in control.

On his beloved 700 Club this week, Pat Robertson claimed that anybody who is against the "president" is against Jesus. Of course, he followed up his logic with several confusing Bible verses as usual. He even attacked liberals and progressives for wanting more government control of stuff and blamed the Obama Administration for brainwashing people.

Yes, THAT Obama, who unlike most Republicans actually is a better Christian than most. He's a good father and husband and treats people with respect. If things are going right with society right now, it's because Drumpf hasn't touched it yet.

But let's not forget good 'ol Jim Bakker, shall we? 

Since Drumpf's campaign started, the ill-fated founder of PTL has been using his fairly-new show on the internet to kiss his ass. Before Drumpf's "win", he was even telling his followers that if he lost, his show would be history. Well, Drumpf won and now, we're stuck with idiotic soundbites from the fraudulent pastor. Even his new wife, Lori called the pro-women protestors "abused as kids" and Black Lives Matter groups "little children".

I wonder what kind of jerk supports this crap. Oh, I know! WHITE TRASH! Years ago, I had a "girlfriend" who lived in a trailer near one of the white-trashiest towns in Michigan. As a matter of fact, her mother and stepfather - who I know laughed at the planes crashing into the World Trade Towers - had another trailer in their backyard with its roof caved in. Guess what I saw sitting on their kitchen counter? An envelope for The 700 Club. Not to mention that I even went to their church, where everybody spoke in tongues. Needless to say, these people were dead to me. Thank God I now live in a city where there's not much in the way of white trash, but sadly, there's still a bunch of religious weirdos.

Sorry, but my God helps the poor, heals the sick and pouts on the wealthy. The Religious Right is the total opposite of that. But as long as there's trailer trash hicks who give to those televangelists, we're still going to have them.

With Drumpf leading us all into the apocalypse, I think we all need to order those doomsday buckets of food from Pastor Bakker.

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2.15.17 Bee-otch of the Day: Donald Trump

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Bee-otch of the Day honors are awarded Monday through Thursday, Bee-otch of the Week is awarded Friday on Chuck69.com.

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Name: Donald Trump
Age: 70
Occupation: "president"
Last Seen: Washington, DC
Bee-otched For: starting to see the self-destruction of his presidency

---
Better yet, it was self-destructing the second when he and wife Melania came out to announce his presidency.

Yesterday, many eyes were on Drumpf when The New York Times revealed that his aides were having chats with Russia when that country was being investigated for rigging the election. This scandal has gotten into the eyes and minds of many who all want answers.

On his Facebook page, legendary newsman Dan Rather talked about how he's comparing this incident to Watergate in the early 70s:

Watergate is the biggest political scandal of my lifetime, until maybe now. It was the closest we came to a debilitating Constitutional crisis, until maybe now. On a 10 scale of armageddon for our form of government, I would put Watergate at a 9. This Russia scandal is currently somewhere around a 5 or 6, in my opinion, but it is cascading in intensity seemingly by the hour. And we may look back and see, in the end, that it is at least as big as Watergate. It may become the measure by which all future scandals are judged. It has all the necessary ingredients, and that is chilling. 

When we look back at Watergate, we remember the end of the Nixon Presidency. It came with an avalanche, but for most of the time my fellow reporters and I were chasing down the story as it rumbled along with a low-grade intensity. We never were quite sure how much we would find out about what really happened. In the end, the truth emerged into the light, and President Nixon descended into infamy. 

This Russia story started out with an avalanche and where we go from here no one really knows. Each piece of news demands new questions. We are still less than a month into the Trump Presidency, and many are asking that question made famous by Tennessee Senator Howard Baker those many years ago: "What did the President know, and when did he know it?" New reporting suggests that Mr. Trump knew for weeks. We can all remember the General Michael Flynn's speech from the Republican National Convention - "Lock her up!" in regards to Hillary Clinton. If Hillary Clinton had done one tenth of what Mr. Flynn had done, she likely would be in jail. And it isn't just Mr. Flynn, how far does this go? 

The White House has no credibility on this issue. Their spigot of lies - can't we finally all agree to call them lies - long ago lost them any semblance of credibility. I would also extend that to the Republican Congress, who has excused away the Trump Administration's assertions for far too long. 

We need an independent investigation. Damn the lies, full throttle forward on the truth. If a scriptwriter had approached Hollywood with what we are witnessing, he or she would probably have been told it was way too far-fetched for even a summer blockbuster. But this is not fiction. It is real and it is serious. Deadly serious. We deserve answers and those who are complicit in this scandal need to feel the full force of justice.
Even Michael Moore has a list of what he wants done now. One is to have the "weak and spineless" Democrats shut down Congress, two is to have Jeff Sessions hire an investigator to look into Trump's ties with Russia, three is to have Trump step down now and four is to re-do the election of 2016 since Mike Pence was elected under the same archaic rules that got Drumpf the presidency.

While we sit and wait to see if Drumpf will get the boot from the White House, at least his pick for labor secretary, Andrew Puzder won't be forcing his anti-minimum wage politics onto the millions of workers who are underpaid. He stepped down from the running for that position earlier today because of his unpopular views and allegations that he abused his ex-wife. Puzder is the CEO of CKE Enterprises, which owns Carl's Jr. and Hardee's Restaurants. CKE is owned by Roark Capital Group, named for a main character in Ayn Rand's "The Fountainhead". Other restaurants owned by CKE include Arby's, Moe's Southwestern Grill and Jimmy John's.

The sad thing is that we didn't elect this guy, the system did instead. Why this country has a system that doesn't listen to people but rather how the population is distributed is beyond me and everybody else. The media needs to keep their eye on the scandals that Drumpf is getting himself into and hopefully, he'll be out of a job soon. But who knows? The spineless Democrats didn't do much when it was discovered that Dubya ignored warnings regarding 9/11. It's proof that it's time to revamp the system.

But as long as the media tells us who to vote for, it ain't gonna happen, sadly.


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2.14.17 Hero of the Day: Playboy

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Bee-otch of the Day honors are awarded Monday through Thursday, Bee-otch of the Week is awarded Friday on Chuck69.com.

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A SPECIAL HERO OF THE DAY!

Name: Playboy Magazine
Age: 64
Occupation: rechristened nudie mag
Last Seen: Beverly Hills, CA
Awarded For: finding the error of their ways

---Up until a few short years ago I was a regular drinker of Monster energy drink.

To me, Monster had a nice taste and it was loaded with vitamins and other things. Most importantly, it kept me awake. Then, I moved to first shift after years of being on second. Because of me now going to bed when the sun was still up at times, getting a perfect seven hours' rest became a pipe dream. Even worse, I developed anxiety problems associated with probably drinking too much caffeine. So, I did something I hated to do, but did it anyway: I kicked caffeine to the curb.

However, not long ago while I was at a convenience store, I was looking at the Monster display and saw that they had a new version of the drink that was caffeine free. The new drink was called Monster Unleaded and I simply had to try it. Not bad! It was nice being reunited with my favorite energy drink and being able to sleep at night.

But then, it disappeared.

I noticed that Monster wasn't selling Unleaded at many stores anymore. I even looked around. WTF?!?! I needed my Monster fix. At one store I visited, I asked the clerk, "what happened to Monster Unleaded?"

The clerk: "Huh?"

Me: "It's Monster, but without the caffeine!"

Clerk: "Monster without caffeine? (chuckles) What's the point?

Needless to say, Monster quietly discontinued Unleaded without a whole lot of fanfare. The reason was indeed simple: what's the point? It's a whole lot like smoking dope without getting high or drinking booze without getting schnockered.

And it's like buying an issue of Playboy without the nekked chicks.

Well, that nightmare came true last year when the men's mag dropped frontal nudity for the first time since it began in 1953. Their excuse was simply because their website, Playboy.com eliminated all nudity from their website and traffic and ad revenue exploded. Now-former CEO Scott Flanders was the mastermind behind the company's decision to eliminate frontal nudity from their flagship, the magazine Hugh Hefner founded. He had a discussion with Hef about eliminating nudes from the magazine and he agreed. Their first non-nude issue hit stands January of last year.

In its heyday, Playboy had over two million readers a month. Most supermarkets and convenience stores didn't mind selling it and other nude mags like Penthouse. However, the sexual revolution Hef started in the 1950s started to wane in the 1980s thanks to the AIDS crisis and the Religious Reich forcing their so-called community values onto businesses, forcing them to stop selling anything with skin in it. There was a slight light at the end of the tunnel in the early 90s thanks to many members of the RR getting caught with their pants down and their wallets in the wrong place. Playboy helped to catapult the careers of major celebs such as Jenny McCarthy and Pamela Anderson.

But then, people found a way to get their hot, naked chicks for free: the internet.

Thanks to ye old World Wide Web, Playboy's circulation fell from two million units 40 years ago to only around 700,000 today. The magazine hasn't made a profit in some time, so Flanders made the decision that if Playboy can go nude-free, they could attract advertisers that have no-nude-mag edicts.

While the media reported that Playboy went nude-free, butts were still welcome and an occasional sideboob and a pube or two. Reportedly, the magazine's circulation hasn't changed and neither has profits, especially since Flanders himself left the company in the middle of last year. So guess who came hopping back to the magazine? Cooper Hefner, Hugh's 25-year-old son.

Cooper was forced out his father's magazine when the no-nude clause was announced because he kept trying to tell Flanders that nudity wasn't the problem, but his ideas went in one ear and out the other. With Flanders leaving the still-struggling Playboy Enterprises, Cooper - whose mother, Kimberley was Playmate of the Year 1989 - is now the company's Chief Content Officer. Starting with next month's issue, full nudity is now welcome again in the pages of Playboy.

According to Coop, he claimed that nudity was never a problem and how it was presented was simply dated. He presented his ideas to the now-former administration, but was kicked out because of it. Now, he's showing that he simply wanted to do the same job that his now-91-year-old father had done for over 60 years. Hef passing the torch to his young, vibrant son was the best move he could have ever made.

As the cover of next month's issue says: "Naked is Normal". AMEN!


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2.13.17 Hero of the Day: Mike Ilitch

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Bee-otch of the Day honors are awarded Monday through Thursday, Bee-otch of the Week is awarded Friday on Chuck69.com.

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A SPECIAL HERO OF THE DAY!

Name: Mike Ilitch
Age: was 87
Occupation: founder, Little Caesars Pizza, owner, Detroit Red Wings and Detroit Tigers
Last Seen: tossing pizza dough way up in the heavens
Awarded For: being a real hero for Detroit

---In the mid-1950s, Mike Ilitch wanted to play baseball for the Detroit Tigers. He played for their farm team, but a knee injury prevented him from playing any more ball.

Thirty-seven years later in 1992, he actually bought the Tigers.

When Mike was forced to give up his dream of being the next Babe Ruth, he knew what else he wanted to do: make pizzas. In 1959, he and his wife, Marian opened Little Caesars Pizza Treat in a strip mall in Garden City, MI, just outside of Detroit. Almost oddly enough, that location is still there, complete with a plaque. According to the Ilitches, Marian coined the name "Little Caesar" after Mike, the son of Macedonian immigrants.

Since there weren't many pizza restaurants at the time, Little Caesars became quite popular, and in in 1962, they started franchising. Not too shabby for what started as a two-person operation where Marian would ring up customers' orders while Mike was out in the back tossing dough. Within a few years, the Illitches became quite wealthy and Little Caesars became a household name, especially in 1979 with their infamous "Pizza! Pizza!" gimmick.

In 1982, Ilitch bought the struggling Detroit Red Wings hockey team from the Norris family, who owned it for over 50 years. The team was so bad, that Ilitch gave away free cars to those attending games. However, the team became a top draw thanks to them drafting a young 18-year-old future NHL Hall of Famer named Steve Yzerman. Soon, the Red Wings slowly climbed their way back to hockey prominence and have been in the playoffs every year since 1989. In 1997, the team won their first Stanley Cup in 42 years. Since Ilitch bought the team, the Wings won three more Stanley Cups: 1998, 2002 and 2008.

As mentioned earlier, Ilitch also owned the Tigers. Although many of the years he's owned the team have ended in losing seasons, the team rebounded in 2006 under new manager Jim Leyland. Under his aegis, the Tigers made the World Series twice.

But if some people love to give Ilitch for anything, it's the fact that he loved Detroit and breathed it in as well. He would buy up fading Detroit landmarks like the Fox Theatre and restore them. He built new developments like Motor City Casino and Comerica Park which all brought jobs to downtown Detroit and worked his butt off to fade away the city's long-established blight.

The latest development for Ilitch was the new Little Caesars Arena, which will be the new home for the Red Wings starting next season. People were shocked when Tom Gores, the owner of the Pistons announced that his NBA team would be moving to that Arena also next year. It would be the first time since 1975 that all four major sports teams in Detroit would be playing downtown.

Sadly, Ilitch would not live to see the opening of the venue named after that simple little pizza shop he and his wife founded 58 years ago. He died on Friday at the age of 87 apparently of a long-term illness. When he passed, NHL teams all paid their respects to Ilitch, even teams that had not a lot in common with the pizza baron. When the Wings played Columbus on Saturday and Minnesota on Sunday, both teams showed their gratitude to Ilitch (also the Blue Jackets' announcer mispronounced his name as "ill-i-itch").

But if Ilitch did something nice, it would be the fact that he helped to save an American icon. When Rosa Parks was beaten up in her home in 1995, it was Ilitch who helped her move to a new apartment and allowed her to live there rent-free all of her life. It's proof that a man who embraced diversity all of his life can make life better for the common good.

Look, Tom Monaghan of Domino's turned into a jebus freak and Papa John screwed over his employees regarding the Affordable Care Act. Mike Ilitch gave a lot back to the city of Detroit (and unlike many of his competitors, he did support the Democrats). Not to mention, the $5 Hot-n-Ready pies are great if you're on a budget.

It's too bad he had to go, but I think the man upstairs needed somebody to cook him some 'za. Mike Ilitch, may you rest in pizza.


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