Thursday, October 10, 2013

10.10.13 Bee-otch of the Day: Judy Emmons

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Name: Judy Emmons
Age: 61
Occupation: state senator
Last Seen: Stanton, MI
Bee-otched For: making it tougher to be a stripper in Michigan  


It's no secret that I hate Republicans.

They hate the middle class (or what's left of it), they want tax breaks for the wealthy, they promote polluters and most of all, they hate the adult entertainment industry.

Now, a state senator from here in Michigan is trying to stop sex trafficking... by forcing those who go to the strip club to pay a tax.

Judy Emmons (R-Stanton) serves the state's 33rd district, which consists of Isabella, Montcolm, Clinton and Ionia Counties. Recently, the first-term senator announced a 19-bill package she claims would fight sex trafficking in this state. The bills would do everything from prohibit people from using the internet for looking for sex with a minor, prohibit sex offenders from seeing their kids, requiring johns to register as sex offenders and would allow victims to sue their captors.

But sadly, Emmons has decided to link the adult entertainment industry to her bill. Two of the bills would 1) order patrons of strip clubs to pay a $3 entrance fee that would go to fund those who have been affected by sex trafficking and 2) order those who work at strip clubs to require a special use permit. In other words, if a woman chooses to work as a stripper, the law would require her to have her real name on a registry that anybody could access. Therefore, if let's say, a patron gets obsessed with a certain dancer, he could go online to find out who she is and where she lives, thus creating a stalker.

The law also includes those who don't get naked on stage, i.e. DJs, wait staff and management.

The Republicans and Jebus freaks alike have done their damndest to make things tough for strip clubs throughout the years. An example is Grand Rapids, where nudity has been banned since 2006. Since then the clubs have worked their way around the ordinance by operating as bikini clubs and allowing for full lap dances even with alcohol present. However, if people want full nudity, they'll have to drive to either Lansing or Muskegon.

I'm tired of the right's attack on nekkid wimmen. I hate it when they think that strip clubs destroy marriages and hurt children. Ya know, as a child of divorce, I don't even know if I even want to be in a relationship. Women here in Grand Rapids are as cold as ice; I would go to a bar and they won't even talk to me. This is why I like strip clubs. Girls there are nice, but then again, it's all about sucking your wallet dry.

Also, I don't get the "married men going to the strip club" part. Guys go to strip clubs BECAUSE THEIR WIVES ARE UGLY OR DON'T PUT OUT! Hell, even Pat Robertson himself claims that marriages fail because of ugly women! Hell, maybe that's why I don't have a girlfriend right now; ugly girls with stinky and loose privates put out while the pretty girls don't.

As some of you know, I was a semi-regular at the Deja Vu in Kalamazoo in my 20's. I remember an incident there some years back where a customer came with a dancer's purse, saying that she left it at his place last night. Apparently, she was whoring herself for customers and her fellow dancers and management frowned on that. Basically, they forced her out of the company. I remember her; she was only 19 and had a kid. I would remember her onstage with her legs open and I would try not to think that a baby popped out of there.

Look, love 'em or hate 'em, strip clubs have standards. Yeah, some have bad raps and all, but 99.9% of them are legitimate and some are even cleaner than some churches. Hell, look at Canada: the clubs there serve 19-year-olds have have totally naked girls rubbing on guys' laps. Plus, the crime up there is amazingly low. I don't buy into the "strip clubs are bad" BS one bit.

But if it were me, I would vote all Democrat in the 2014 elections. The Republicans like Judy Emmons need to keep out of the booty business. Here's an idea: LEGAL PROSTITUTION. All girls would be over 18, all guys would be forced to wear condoms, all girls would get checked regularly for STDs and it would also be taxed.

Yes, folks, I'd be a great politician. Wanna write me in? :)

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