Wednesday, June 6, 2018

6.6.18 Bee-otch of the Day: Grand Rapids Brewing Company

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Name: Grand Rapids Brewing Company
Age: 6
Occupation: bar
Last Seen: Grand Rapids, MI
Bee-otched For: naming a beer after a prohibitionist


In 1862, a group of insurance men decided to honor one of our nation's founders by naming their new company after him. That company, of course is John Hancock.

In 1984, a brewer named Jim Koch created a beer and chose to name it after another Bostonian patriot: Samuel Adams.

Hell, there was even a gas station in Detroit named for Obama.

I was downtown on Monday when I was walking by the Grand Rapids Brewing Company. I saw some of the beers advertised and I couldn't believe my eyes. They have a beer named for a not-so-great American patriot: Rosalynn Bliss, the fucked-up ho mayor of this city.

According to their website, the Rosalynn Bliss Blonde Ale is named "In honor of beer city USA’s mayor, and her passion for local craft beer, this light-bodied, blonde ale is infused with mango ceylon tea. Its subtle flavors of mango, apricot, tea, toasted malt, biscuit, and toffee complement this classic blonde ale, with a slight hop bitterness on the finish. world beer championship gold medal winner." The beer is only 5.2% ABV, so it won't get you schnockered.

It's understandable that Grand Rapids is "Beer City USA" because we're the home of Founder's. But the fact that they named the beer after the former city commissioner who helped to rid this city of strip clubs is simply like naming a daycare center after John Balyo or a beer after a member of the Women's Christian Temperance Union that helped to make prohibition a reality.

What might make this story even more sad is that I was walking past GRBC with a woman that I met online. I bought her a nice dinner and even bought her two sacks of Doritos because she was into dinosaurs (they're doing a promo with the upcoming Jurassic Park movie). Later in the evening, I texted her, telling her that I had a great evening. That was the last I heard from her. Of course, don't even get me started on that heroin bitch that I bitched about earlier this year. The tragedy is that I paid all these girls hundreds of dollars and got nowhere. But at a strip club, you walk in and see girls naked. You can't take them home, but for $20, you can get a lap dance from them. But thanks to what Bliss helped to achieve in 2006, the nearest GOOD strip club to Grand Rapids is all the way over in Lansing.

You know, strip clubs are safer than bars and even restaurants, where there's more prostitution than there are at strip clubs. Hell, you can go to a gas station at 3 a.m. and get a BJ from a clerk who is bored to tears. At least strip clubs have standards unlike many other places. But the right-wing in America has fucked it all up by claiming that strip clubs are hellholes, which is far from the truth.

Hell, I can make my own Rosalynn Bliss Blonde! All I have to do is drink plenty of liquids and piss out the results!

Come to think of it, I think I'll name my poop after another great American president: Bush!



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