Tuesday, February 15, 2011

2.15.11 Bee-otch of the Day: Justin Bieber

Name: Justin Bieber
Age: 16
Occupation: Canadian
Last Seen: California
Bee-otched For: getting the smackdown on Grammy night
Looks like I can start loving the WWE again. 

On last night's Monday Night Raw, the host of this year's Wrestlemania was announced, and it is WWE legend Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson. For the first time in seven years, The Rock appeared live on that show to address the WWE crowd  at Anaheim's Honda Center that he was ready to layeth the smacketh downeth.
But it almost turned into a royal bleepfest. Of course, Rocky was one of its biggest stars back in the late 90's/early 2000's Smackdown era. Back then, shining up something, turning that sumbitch sideways and sticking straight up you candy ass was A-OK with the WWE censors. But with their decision to go to a more family-friendly direction, one brief mention of the word 'ass' was muted for about two seconds, but then, the censors had a change of heart and gave The Rock the TV-14 treatment he deserved. Probably for the first time in years, the words 'ass' and 'bitch' were unbleeped during a WWE TV show. 

Of course, one reason for The Rock appearing on Raw was to announce that he has a match at Wrestlemania with the reason why the WWE has gotten so family-friendly: the extremely wussy John Cena. Yep! If The Rock beats the snot out of Cena, looks like the Attitude era could be making a big comeback after years of pussying out to people who haven't grown pubes yet. 

Needless to say, this is a great move on the WWE's part since it had been rumored that Justin Bieber was going to host the event. 

Yep! When The Rock mentioned that rumor on stage, a lot of people booed the idea of Biebs hosting Wrestlemania. If he did, we would probably start seeing the WWE go in a TV-G direction. 

So, will the WWE go full-blown TV-14 again? Who knows? After all, one main reason for the TV-PG direction is because of Linda McMahon's failed and pricey senate run. It was also to shove wool in the eyes of who critique the company for the deaths of Chris Benoit and others. So, the world may never fully know at this point. Only Vince McMahon knows for sure. 

But, back to the Bieb. It's true: even though he's had quite a good year, he's proven that he's not totally #1. Case in point: his little documentary Justin Bieber: Never Say Never debuted in second place at the weekend box office with just over $29 million. #1 was the Adam Sandler/Jennifer Anniston/Brooklyn Decker lovefest Just Go With It, beating Bieber by just a million bucks. One reason for the blowout is probably due to the fact that not all movie theatres are equipped with 3D yet, and Never Say Never is in 3D. 

And thank you Justin for naming your movie - and your song - after a much-better tune from Romeo Void.
But there was insult to injury Sunday night at the Grammy Awards when Bieber shockingly lost the New Artist Trophy to Esperanza Spalding, a jazz musician who sings while playing an upright bass. She has sold only a fraction of her debut record (technically, it's her third), Chamber Music International, in comparison to Bieber's My World. I've seen her on Letterman, and Justin doesn't have the talent to carry the case her bass is in. It does show that the people who vote for the Grammys do have some great musical tastes, when when the big winner this year is some annoying so-called Country band I could care less about. 

In all, it'll be over for Bieber sooner or later. He can't be 16 forever and his fans will soon grow pubes. True, he'll turn 40 and will pull a "remember me?" tour like New Kids on the Block and the Backstreet Boys are doing right now. Tragically however, the next teen idol of the moment will come and he'll go as well. 

Hey! Maybe he'll turn into a pedophile like Hornswoggle, who loves kissing 13-year-old girls, giving them chocolate and grabbing their asses. Somewhere, Chris Hansen is probably planning a visit.

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