Wednesday, February 9, 2011

2.9.11 Bee-otch of the Day: Justin Bieber

Name: Justin Bieber
Age: 16
Occupation: teen idol
Last Seen: everywhere
Bee-otched For: not leaving us alone  
Right now, the 1997 Aphex Twin classic "Come to Daddy" is playing in my head. 

The song is a complete masterpiece. Despite the fact that the song has very little words other than "I want your soul", "I will eat your soul" and "Come to Daddy", mixed in with sophisticated drum loops and scary effects, it's a trillion times better than anything Justin Bieber has done. 

Ah, yes, Justin Bieber, the 16-year-old prodigy from Ontario whose YouTube videos were discovered by Usher protegee Scooter Braun. As a little boy growing up in mere poverty, Bieber found music to be his escape, so he taught himself to play the guitar, piano, drums and trumpet. His mother kept putting out videos of his singing on YouTube for family to see, but others took notice. 

Only a few short years later, Justin Bieber is like a pimple on your ass that won't go away, no matter how hard your squeeze it. Last week alone, he was on Late Show With David Letterman twice and even made an appearance on the Super Bowl in a Best Buy commercial with Ozzy Osbourne.

Now, there's a rumor going around that Biebs just got himself a sweet deal: the host of this year's WWE Wrestlemania in Atlanta in April. The official announcement will come on next week's Raw. If so, the WWE will prepare for the worst as I will proudly give them the great honor of Bee-otch of the Day on Tuesday. It will also further throw the WWE down the path of family entertainment instead of the Attitude era that made the company great in the late 90's to the early-mid 2000's. It will also make me proud that I didn't get tickets to see WWE live at Van Andel Arena in a few weeks. After all, the last time I went, the place was only 1/2 full and there were too many little bastards for my taste. 

I also love the fact that MTV chose him to host new episodes of Punk'd, plus the fact that he made the official announcement on Twitter that Beavis and Butt-head were coming back. I can only imagine the response that Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumber will give to his videos: the sound of silence. And if you're an old school fan of B&B , you'd know that the two videos they gave that great honor to were Vanilla Ice's "Ice Ice Baby" and Milli Vanilli's "Don't Forget My Number". 

Look, folks. Some teen idols have had great careers like The Beatles, The Osmonds and hell, even The Backstreet Boys and New Kids on the Block have reunited and are touring together. Others haven't, like Andy Gibb and Leif Garrett. Who knows? Maybe people will still love the little moppet as soon as he finally hits puberty, but maybe he'll end up on Celebrity Rehab in 10 years, puking his guts out and crying. Point is, he's not even 18 and we're sick of him. 

But, who knows. Another teeny bopper will come along and Biebs will be yesterday's news. The bloggers will tweet nasty things about that guy and so on. That's life. 

But hey, at least he's a kick-ass drummer. 


Got a Bee-otch to nominate? E-mail us @ All suggestions (except for me) are welcome!
Bee-otch of the Day Archives can be seen on !

Bee-otch of the Day is a production of, Grand Rapids' site for Stern, politics and more!

No comments:

Post a Comment