Thursday, September 29, 2011

9.29.11 Bee-otch of the Day: Oprah Winfrey






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Name: Oprah Winfrey
Age: 58
Occupation: Negro Woman from the South
Last Seen: all over the place
Bee-otched For: creating a big bomb on cable

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Recently, I did something I thought I would never do: I dumped my cable.

There were several big reasons for cutting the chord. My bills have gotten to the point where it just got too cost prohibitive. Also, a lot of my favorite shows are online and even on YouTube (albeit somewhat illegally).

One huge reason for me canning cable was because I got tired of seeing my hard-earned money go to broadcasters who create shit nobody watches, or for the most part, I don't watch. Did you know that if you still have cable, you're paying something like $3 per month to Fox News Channel? Sad, ain't it.

But some of your money's also going to a little-watched channel nobody seems to like. One channel that keeps shrinking in audience, even though its part-owner is now the CEO of the network.

Ever hear of a little outfit called the Oprah Winfrey Network? Well, who hasn't?

When it debuted earlier this year, OWN had over 500,000 viewers. But, by the next month, it was down to 135,000 and it's still shrinking. It even got to the point where Oprah herself became the network's president and CEO. But, it's not helping.

Bear in mind that OWN used to be the Discovery Health Network. Comparing their ratings last year to this year, Discovery is probably sad that they even dealt with the Big O in the first place.

In one year's time, the channel has lost 20% of its viewers and even worse, 15% of its money demo 25-54 women. Their other numbers are down across the board, including overall viewers.

So, Oprah, are you missing your show yet?

Ya know, watching OWN fail makes me happy that I abandoned cable. It almost makes Cannonball Dookie look more entertaining since I'm paying nothing for that (of course, watching a naked man poop into a lake is almost as gay as watching old yentas squawk for hours on end).

In the end, it sucks to be Oprah. Discovery paid her a bundle because they thought that everything she touched turned into gold, but whoops! OWN's become an embarrassment. Hell, I only get eleven channels since canning cable, and some of them are *actually* more entertaining!

Thanks, but I have bills to pay. 
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