Wednesday, March 16, 2011

3.16.11 Bee-otch of the Day: Aflac

Name: American Life Assurance Company of Columbus
Age: 56
Occupation: supplemental insurance company
Last Seen: Columbus, GA
Bee-otched For: ducking Gilbert Gottfried


In this lifetime, when a comedian makes off-color jokes, everything's A-OK.

But if it's about the recent earthquake and tsunami in Japan, you're gonna lose your job.

It's official: Aflac has fired Gilbert Gottfried as the iconic voice of the Aflac Duck after he made some raucous comments regarding the recent disaster that has left over 2,000 dead and fears of a nuclear disaster. On his Twitter account, Gottfried made several jokes about the disaster that many are crying "too soon". The tweets have been removed, but one of them said that the Japanese were so advanced that instead of going to the beach, the beach comes to them. Apparently, Aflac does a lot of business in that country - one out of four households - so it's no laughing matter to them.

Weird, since Gottfried's been making off-color jokes for years. He's a regular at comedy roasts and even The Howard Stern Show, which frequently uses his soundbyte "what are you, a homo?" His jokes attack people of all races, creeds. religion and such, but when it comes to tragedy, it's time for Aflac to make Duck Soup out of the 30-year comedy vet.

The Aflac Duck was introduced in 1999, and not long afterward, the company hired the nasally-voiced Gottfried to do the bird's voice. The ads were so popular that in 2005, Aflac changed their logo to incorporate the duck.

With Gottfried's canning, Aflac will do a nationwide search to replace Gottfried as the voice of the duck. Mel Blanc was Bugs Bunny and Jim Henson was Kermit the Frog. They were replaced only because they died, and their replacements weren't as good as the original. Gottfried's still around, and it just won't be the same without him.

You see, I've learned that people can be so hypocritical when they judge others. I've been judged by some of the most-fucked-up assholes in life and I've seen the hypocrisy in them. Aflac knew for years that Gottfried has never had a rosy image despite the fact that he's done family-friendly stuff like the parrot from Disney's Aladdin and the principal from the Problem Child movies. There's no law stating that R-rated comics can't do G-rated stuff; just ask Richard Pryor, George Carlin and even Chris Rock.

But, who knows? Aflac's a southern company and I'll betcha their owners aren't the sharpest tools in the shed. They're just publicity whores looking for free advertising, plain and simple. Thank God I don't deal with them.

I just hope they don't replace him with "Huge" Bill Simonson. Just imagine the duck saying "before I say the name of the company, this portion of this ad is brought to you by Little Caesars. When it's time for a HUGE pizza deal, look to the $5.55 Hot-N-Ready everyday at Little Caesars, and that portion of this ad is brought to you by Miller Lite...." 


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