Wednesday, October 19, 2011

10.19.11 Bee-otch of the Day: Herman Cain

Name: Herman Cain
Age: 65
Occupation: pizza man turned president wannabe
Last Seen: Las Vegas
Bee-otched For: being the only Republican with any ideas, and they suck

From out of nowhere, Herman Cain could become the Republican Party's sole hope in defeating Obama.

But, his plan is nothing more than pure bunk.

In recent weeks, Cain's popularity amongst Republicans has exploded out of nowhere. Why? Because he actually has a plan: the 999 tax code. Under the Cain plan, there would be a 9% personal income tax, a 9% corporate tax and a 9% national sales tax. However, many contend that the Cain tax plan would raise taxes for just about everybody. In Tuesday's Republican debate in Las Vegas, Michele Bachmann claimed that the income tax would rise over time and Rick Santorum claimed that the Cain code would raise taxes amongst 84% of all Americans.

Cain has, needless to say, become something that's quite rare: a black man who's a member of a party that gets few votes from blacks. Growing up poor in Tennessee, Cain graduated from Purdue in 1971 with a masters in computer science. He worked for Coca-Cola and Pillsbury, working his way up to running Burger King, once a Pillsbury O&O. Under Cain's aegis, BK became the most-profitable burger chain in America.

However, it was another Pillsbury subsidiary, Godfather's Pizza, that made Cain a superstar. He was hired to take over the struggling chain by reducing their locations from over 900 to just 420, making them profitable. However, in 1988, he and a group of investors bought Godfather's from Pillsbury. He stepped down from Godfather's in 1996.

Over the years, Cain has been a CEO of the National Restaurant Association and the board member of several organizations, including Americans for Prosperity, which is funded by the Koch family.

But here's a good reason to hate Cain: he's rich. He's worth at least $2 million, and when it comes to the people marching for #occupywallstreet and similar causes, he told the media that if you're unemployed, it's your fault. Please. OK, so you're a teacher. Is it your fault that you have to work two jobs since they're chastising you because you work for the public sector? Is it your fault that the free trade laws that the Republicans helped to create caused your manufacturing job to be shipped overseas?

Look, Herman Cain moved up a ladder back when it was easy to do so. Now, no matter how hard one works, moving up just one step is beyond difficult because of the Republicans and their evil ways. It's not Obama's fault that the unemployment rate's over 9%, it's the Republicans and other politicians for bowing to Wall Street and giving failures kickbacks. If Herman Cain were to be president, we'll be back to Bush years again. Granted, having a fully-black president would be cool, but when it's an asskisser to wealthy white Repukes, God help us all.

Thanks, but I'm a Papa John's guy.

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