Thursday, February 14, 2013

2.14.13 Hero of the Day: whoever created the EAS "zombie attack" warnings

Bee-otch of the Day honors are awarded Monday through Thursday, Bee-otch of the Week is awarded Friday on


Name: unknown
Age: ??
Occupation: ??
Last Seen: ??
Awarded For: unsuccessfully bringing out the dead 


In his 49 years on this Earth, Steve Wilkos has worn many hats.

He was a Marine, Chicago police officer, Jerry Springer security guard, bouncer and wrestler. Now, he's the host of his own popular television talk show, which he's hosted for six years.

But now, many of his fans are wondering if he can add one more occupation to his resume: Professional Zombie Hunter.

I could see it now, a video game called Steve Wilkos: Zombie Apocalypse. During a taping of his show, Steve talks to a man suspected of beating his wife. He takes a lie detector test, and it's time for Wilkos to read the results. He turns to his wife, executive producer Rachelle Consiglio-Wilkos, only to see that at her lectern, she's lying in the arms of a zombie! The audience gasps in horror and the zombie escapes out of the studio, kidnapping Rachelle as she screams in terror. Now, Steve has to go find his wife and destroy the zombies wreaking havoc on his family and the rest of the world with his trusty chair.

OK, so I'm dreaming, but when The Steve Wilkos Show gets interrupted with news of an impending zombie attack, it creates for some comedy gold.

Earlier this week, several TV stations including two here in Michigan - Marquette's WBUP ABC 10 and PBS station WNMU 13 - got hacked with a fake Emergency Alert System warning telling viewers that zombies have escaped from the ground and to not go near them. The message also stated for viewers to tune in to AM 920 for updates, which in the western UP is WMPL 920 out of Hancock.

The same message aired on the .2 subchannel of Great Falls, MT CBS station KRTV 3, which airs the national feed of The CW, which airs Wilkos twice a day. Since many joke about Steve's occasional on-camera anger and style that makes Dr. Phil look like a pussy, I think many will do their best to link the infamous hotheaded Cubs fan to the living dead.

I know, I know, the EAS is only to be used for emergencies only. But, people need to lighten up once in a while. When was the last time Great Falls was hit by a flood? How about tornadoes in the UP? Point is, some people need to get a sense of humor. Yeah, the FCC's looking into all this, and chances are that the hackers will probably end up in the slammer, but all for a good laugh.

Maybe the hackers should get the chair, as in being guests on Wilkos and having him toss a chair or two at them.

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