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Name: The Republican Party
Occupation: America's right wing
Last Seen: Washington, DC
Bee-otched For: celebrating 10 years of protecting our children from boobs
This past Saturday marked the tenth anniversary of one of the most-tragic events in American history. A day that will forever live in infamy.
It was the day when millions of people around the world witnessed an event that didn't quite kill them. It didn't cause any violent attacks, nor did it really scar anybody.
It was the day when Justin Timberlake sang "Rock Your Body" while serenading Janet Jackson and at the end of the song, he accidentally yanked off part of her bustier, exposing her right breast for about two seconds.
Even though countries such as Australia and Britain have shown boobs on TV for decades, oh, no! We can't do that here in America! Of course, the far right - even though we were stuck in three fake wars over what happened on 9/11 - worried more about protecting our children from Janet Jackson's boobie over sending them into war. So, they wrote to the FCC and they decided to raise fines to well over a million bucks per offense. Because of the Big Breast Outbreak of 2004, a lot changed in the way television and radio treated profanity and nudity. Rock stations edited songs they've played uncensored for years ("Money" by Pink Floyd and Alice in Chains' "Man in the Box" come to mind) and poor Howard Stern was yanked off the air from Clear Channel stations, which further prompted his move to SiriusXM.
Even MTV changed their ways somewhat; they inserted a stupid flower pattern to a half-nude female actress in Maroon 5's "This Love" video, even though no nudity was shown. MTV got a lot of flack, especially since they produced the Super Bowl Halftime Show.
Thankfully, the FCC got a taste of their own medicine not long ago when the Supreme Court ruled that Janet Jackson's accidental nudity wasn't obscene and that CBS, which aired that year's Super Bowl was free from any fines. However, the Court did not overturn their decades-old "seven dirty words" rule, even though it was only based on an old George Carlin comedy routine from 40 years ago.
But sadly, even though the government overreacted to the infamous nip-slip, when there's a school shooting like Sandy Hook or a mall shooting like the one in New Jersey last week, they don't care. It's sad when our government thinks that the Second Amendment is more important than the First. Janet Jackson's right breast never killed anyone. It never caused any guy to go out and rape a woman. But yet, our children are exposed to huge amounts of violence on TV and video games, and our government thinks it's OK.
If we learned anything from Janet, it's that when we have Republicans running the show, expect the worst. It's one reason why I'm a damn proud Democrat who wants more done to get people like me out of the "working poor" status and back into "middle class" territory. It's weird that they worry about some old black woman's tit over the more-important things.
But nonetheless, it's a day some would like to lower the flag... lower than Janet's sagging mammary.
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