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Name: Peyton Manning
Occupation: quarterback, Denver Broncos
Last Seen: holding his head in shame
Bee-otched For: choking
Ladies and gents, this year's Super Bowl was one of the most-lopsided in history.
It was also a dream come true for the middle class.
Within just the first few seconds of Sunday night's game, the Seattle Seahawks were two points ahead because of a safety. But it was uphill from there on for Russell Wilson and his team. The Broncos only had one touchdown the whole game plus a two-point conversion. The 'Hawks, however had 43 points overall, giving them their first Super Bowl victory.
For Peyton Manning - who screamed "OMAHA!", which lead his team to the Super Bowl - the big game ended up being more of an aha moment to him. The man who led the Indianapolis Colts to a Super Bowl victory in 2006 is now washed up comparing to the young Seahawks, led by 25-year-old Wilson. Many wonder if it's time for his 37-year-old ass to retire.
For starters, he's doing OK. After all, he owns 20-plus Papa John's franchises in Colorado. After all, he's buds with Papa John himself, you know, the douche who cried last year that Obamacare was going to eat up his profits so he slashed hours at his restaurants? Yet, he's worth over $200 million and lives in a castle in Kentucky.
Lest we forget, Peyton is also a holier-than-thou Jebus freak who is also buddies with the right and even dumped money on Dubya's campaigns. Too see a man who seems to be one of the biggest quarterbacks in the NFL play like a middle schooler with four interceptions on Sunday would make anybody who is struggling.
Well, all I can say is that there's always next year. Who knows? I hope my Lions would *at least* make it into the playoffs this next year. But in the meantime, I think the ghost of Marlin Perkins is haunting Mr. Manning.
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