Wednesday, April 29, 2015

4.29.15 Bee-otch of the Day: Creflo Dollar

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Name: Creflo Dollar
Age: 53
Occupation: crook
Last Seen: Atlanta, GA
Bee-otched For: blaming the devil for not giving him a plane
A while back, we wrote about megapreacher Creflo Dollar and the fact that he was begging his ministry to tithe him a $65 million jet plane.

Yes, a $65 million jet so he can fly around the world and spread the gospel of Jesus.

In a recent sermon - seen above - Dollar claims that there was one big reason why he didn't get that plane: could it beeeeeeee SATAN?!?!

Yes, Dollar claims that evil spirits prevented him from getting the plane, which would have helped the oddly-named preacher replace his old 1984 GulfStream jet that can no longer fly because it skidded off the runway in London with his wife and daughters on board. Luckily, they weren't hurt, but the plane was pretty banged up. Obviously, the Dollar family wasn't there to "honor God", but probably to go shopping and play around with the money Dollar's suckers give him and his family.

Since the accident, Dollar has been flying commercial like any normal preacher should. Look, folks, I have to fly commercial once a year to see my mother in Phoenix. I did last week. I had to sit through hours of seats that barely reclined, cramped bathrooms, crying little bastards and sitting with total strangers. To me, any fucking so-called man of God should stay humble and fly coach (or at least on Southwest like I did). Hell, I remember hearing another fake preacher, Benny Hinn, flying on the Concorde when it was still in service!

Last week while in Phoenix, I attended a church service with mom, and I felt that the service itself wasn't too bad, although it was a satellite church where the actual sermon was beamed in from the main church itself. On the church bulletin, it mentioned how much money they made during the year - about $8 million - and how much surplus they have, which is about $90,000. I wish the bulletins would talk about how much money the preachers make, how many cars the preachers have, how big their houses are, etc.

If I were to go to church, it would be small and humble. The problem is, is that I used to go to a church that was once small and humble - it was in a guy's house when it started - but when I went there as a teen in the late 90s, it was already seating 300. Then the pastor begged for $1.7 million on a single Sunday to build a new 1,600-seat auditorium and that was the end of that.

I guess the moral is this: right now, I'd rather go to a strip club vs. a church. Is there a good, humble church in Grand Rapids that doesn't preach about forcefeeding the preachers money, blast liberals and gays and yadda, yadda, yadda? Show me. I might even go.

But until then, It's old repeats of American Top 40 and Casey Kasem on Sunday mornings.


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