Monday, June 1, 2015

6.1.15 Bee-otch of the Day: the city of Grand Rapids

Bee-otch of the Day honors are awarded Monday through Thursday, Bee-otch of the Week is awarded Friday on



Name: the city of Grand Rapids
Age: 189
Occupation: Michigan's second-largest city
Last Seen: 150 miles west of Detroit
Bee-otched For: making me want to move

The year was 2002. I was a young, 21-year-old tech school grad who was just hired to his first real, honest-to-goodness adult job. It was a stretch for me, going from living with my mother and stepfather in rural northern Michigan to working in the state's second-largest city.

At 21 and barely old enough to drink, it was cool back then being in a town with lots of nightlife and lots to do. But the sad lesson of life is that then, I grew up.

Over time, I realized that my boss simply doesn't like handing out raises. As time roared on, my bills got higher and my quality of life suffered. The things that I loved doing at 21 were not fun anymore. I would go to a bar, hoping that maybe I could strike up a conversation with a nice, young lady. But sadly, only dudes wanted to talk to me and even worse, one asshole took me to his house and started to jerk off in front of me. It was because of shit like this that I decided to leave the Grand Rapids bar culture behind.

Because one of my main objectives in life is to find a decent girlfriend, I joined several dating sites, including Tinder. As an experiment, I went to Phoenix recently and used Tinder there. I made a ton of matches and I didn't even get to swipe everybody that's on there (thank you, Tinder's new 12-hour lock-out feature). I came home and it was a different story: I would get to the point where the dreaded "there's no new people around you" graphic and that was it. I could swipe right thousands of times and nobody decent would ever swipe right on me. Maybe that's because there's just not many good single ladies in Grand Rapids. Most of the girls I end up chatting with online don't even live NEAR GR. Hell, one girl who bugs me from time to time lives all the way up in dinky New Era. Even though I've told the dating sites that 50 miles is my limit, New Era is sadly 80 miles from here.

Yes, I could go to the strip club to get my fair share of pussy, but thanks to the evil bitch named Judy Rose, that all came to an end in 2006 with the DeVos family-supported strip club ordinance. I could drive down to Deja Vu in Kalamazoo, but sadly, that place has gone downhill over the years with too many older women and bitches who don't give two shits about hygiene. 

A few weeks ago, my cousin made the shocking announcement that he had moved to Royal Oak, just outside Detroit. He had trouble finding and keeping a job here in GR. One of the places he worked at was one of the Fox Motors dealerships in GR (and mind you, the DeVos family owns them). Apparently, their Hollander rhetoric got to him and he was let go. Apparently, turnover is quite high at Fox Motors because, well, it's Hollander-owned.

Kinda reminds me of my ex-boss: he was on peoples' asses all the time, and it caused them to all quit. Turnover was high and in his final year of owning the company, profits were way down. Then he retired and sold out to his partner, who is rarely ever there, and now, we're doing better. Even more, I've gotten three raises since my ex-boss's retirement.

True, I should be happy that my company is doing better, but let's face it: I still feel like I'm being held back. I still live in a crappy apartment, I have no romantic prospects and ex-boss or not, I'm still getting paid less than what I should be paid for the job I do. My cousin is right: Grand Rapids is like this due to the ignorant Hollander mentality that's poisoned this city. This town's slogan should be "if you ain't Reformist Dutch, we don't like you much!"

I look at Detroit and there's lots to do. There's real professional sports, clubs, a real nightlife and so much more. There's more jobs, more single ladies and better yet, the town and area itself is more liberal. I wouldn't be too surprised if people in the east side of the state were much nicer than those here in Grand Rapids. I've always wanted to live near Detroit not just because there's more to do, but it's the simple fact that my aunts and uncles, cousins and my 86-year-old grandmother are all there. All I have left here is my aunt, who comes to the east side once a month as-is.

IMO, if Grand Rapids doesn't shape up soon, I'm outtahere. I turned 34 last week and I don't want my current life when I'm 40. When my parents were in their mid-20's, they had me. But, as somebody who has only had one real girlfriend since moving here in 2002, I don't think there's going to be any decent prospect for me anytime soon. I did submit resumes to Detroit companies last week, and we'll see how that goes.

Sometimes, I love Grand Rapids, but Grand Rapids doesn't love me.

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