Thursday, August 22, 2013

8.22.13 Bee-otch of the Day: well, read this...

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Name: anonymous
Age: 26
Occupation: works at an insurance company
Last Seen: Traverse City, MI
Bee-otched For: being a maneater


If there's one type of woman I will never, ever understand, it's one who uses men.

And maybe that's one reason why I've decided to not use this particular woman's name for this article.

Here's the story: there's only two people on my paternal side of my family who can keep on with the family name: me and my cousin. However, my cousin was an accident. In the late 80's, one of my uncles was living with my grandparents near Traverse City. Back then, he was one of those guys who fucked anything that moved. He had a fling with a young, 19-year-old girl and she disappeared. About a year and a half later, she unexpectedly came back with a surprise for him: a six-month-old son.

Immediately, my grandparents looked at him and adored him. They knew that he was one of our family and would do anything for him. My uncle finally found work in different areas, but did provide his new son with lots of child support over the years.

Growing up, my cousin was the only cousin who lived close to me; the others lived in either Grand Rapids or Detroit. It sucked because there was a seven year age difference between us. When I was a teen, he and his younger half sister would come over to my grandparents' all the time. I would be taking a nap and they would constantly annoy me. A lot of the time, my father would FORCE me to play with them. I was never a little kid person, but since my cousin and his sister were lacking father figures, I had to be their surrogate play buddy.

Well, my grandparents moved when I was in my late teens and I rarely saw my cousin since. When my grandpa died in 2001, he and his mother showed up for his burial and it was the last time I saw him for years. I didn't see him again until the late 2000's or so when I was up north with another one of my cousins. We met at a local burger stand for lunch and shot the shit. At the time, he had a young girlfriend and it appeared that they were serious in their dating.

But all good things don't last.

Several years ago, my uncle and his twin brother purchased a big, three-story house near Flint. The goal was to (finally) be closer to not just family, but their own kids as well. Not long after the house was purchased, my cousin had a surprise announcement: he got married.

We were all thinking that his new bride was already pregnant, but it turns out that the reason for this marriage was because she was a Canadian citizen and her visa was set to expire. The two only dated for a few months and barely even knew each other.

Well, this girl's backstory goes like this: she was born to Indian parents in Trinidad and Tobago. She and her mother fled to Canada as an infant and she married a Japanese guy when she was young. The two never got along. When she graduated high school, she moved to Traverse City where she attended Northwestern Michigan College. There, she was "adopted" by an overly-Christian family whose father and son were both ministers. It was then that she "accepted" Jesus into her life. Not long afterward, she met my cousin online and the two started dating. However, because 1) her visa was expiring and 2) our family has had a history of successful shotgun marriages, it was natural for her and my cousin to marry.

Thing was, they officially married in a courthouse, but they wanted a real wedding. So, on a Fourth of July weekend bash at my uncles', he introduced her to our family. We got along just fine, and we're proud to have her as my new cousin-in-law. I was making my plans to go up to the wedding, which was being held at a park in Bellaire.

Just days before the wedding, I picked up another one of my cousins at the airport. I asked him if he was going to the wedding, and he told me that he wasn't and it was because my cousin had turned into a dick. The story was that not long after I went home the day before the Fourth, my cousin and his bride went to the movies and never came back to my uncles'. The reason was because she had shot my cousin's father a text stating how angry she was at them. She was pissed that all of the guys were smoking pot outside and that she "never saw a connection" between her new husband and her father. I wanted to not show up, either, especially since my uncle wasn't going to be there. I didn't even know if I was going to have a hotel room, so I had to play things by ear.

I did go up to the wedding, and out of my side of the family, guess who was there? Just me. It was primarily my cousin's mom's side and his new bride's side. Oddly enough, the bride's biological family didn't show up, either because they didn't want to make the trip from Canada. Well, the wedding went on without a hitch, and IT WAS THE WORST WEDDING I EVER ATTENDED. The preacher's son officiated the ceremony, and was telling the bride and groom to repeat after him: "I, (insert name here), will always honor you, won't cheat on you, will only think of you and nobody else in a sexual way, blah, blah, blah....." OY VEY. AND THERE WERE KIDS THERE! Well, at least I got to stay at the Shanty Creek Hotel, but sadly, I didn't do much. My cousin told me that they wanted me over to swim and he would call me. Never happened. Sad that here I was, sleeping in this nice hotel, and all I did was watch TV and eat at a crappy bar downtown (and no, it wasn't Short's, which was closed at the time).

Since the wedding, my uncle and my cousin barely spoke. He only seemed to like his bridezilla and that was it. That wedding was a waste of time for me. All the ass-wiping I did for him and this is how he repays us. Just because we smoked pot. The good news was that the two - and his wife - tried to reconcile. The bad news? It didn't last.

My cousin and his wife seemed to have a perfect life comparing to mine: he has a good job working for an auto dealership in Traverse City, she works for an insurance company and they just purchased their first house in a small town outside of TC.

A week ago Sunday, my grandmother's seven kids all came to visit her. Many of my cousins showed up, and he was supposed to be there too with his wife. Well, that wasn't meant to be. My dad joined his father for a smoke outside, and I joined in (even though I don't smoke). My uncle told my dad and I the unfortunate news. My cousin just found out that his wife had been cheating on him. MULTIPLE TIMES. My uncle pleaded to him to divorce her. After all, it's perfect grounds for divorce and he could keep the house. Oh! Not to mention the fact that she can't have kids because she had multiple miscarriages.

Guess what he said? "We're getting counseling."

REALLY?!?! After all the buttwiping we did for him growing up, this is what WE get? Sorry, but my cousin needs to grow a pair. If I was married and I found out that my wife was cheating, she'll be gone. Bitch better provide me with good spousal support. Sorry, but this CUNT is a cancer to my family.

But to me, it could be good news as well. If he stays married to her, that means that it'll be up to me to keep the family name going. But since I'm stuck in a town where most of the girls seem to treat men like me like stalkers, it might not ever happen. But, don't blame me for not trying. Thanks, but I have morals, and I now know that trouble's a-brewin' when the wife's pastor talks about sex during the wedding vows.

If I was my cousin, I'd be shipping her ass back to Canada. Hey! At least the healthcare's better.

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