Tuesday, August 27, 2013

8.27.13 Bee-otch of the Day: MTV

Bee-otch of the Day honors are awarded Monday through Thursday, Bee-otch of the Week is awarded Friday on Chuck69.com.



Name: MTV
Age: 32
Occupation: former video channel
Last Seen: New York, NY
Bee-otched For: yet another shitty VMAs


Ladies and gents, damn, I'm getting old.

Once upon a time, there was a cable channel called MTV, which stood for Music Television. It was a 24-hour-per-day, seven-day-per-week channel devoted to music videos. Originally, MTV targeted a young, white male demographic by playing mainly rock videos. But times have changed. Now, they're aimed towards the post-Nickelodeon crowd by airing mindless reality shows almost 24/7.

But at least they still have the Video Music Awards. Odd, since the last time they aired music videos all the time, Kennedy was still a VJ and Jenny McCarthy was the hottest babe on the planet.

Yes, the VMAs aired on Sunday night, and thankfully, I didn't watch it. The sun still rose in the morning and it set at night. The ceremony did have its good moments, such as Jayson Williams and Macklemore's pro-gay speeches, plus the re-emergence of the reclusive Eminem.

But yes, there were the shitty moments, and there were too many to mention. Thing is, I'm not giving MTV the Bee-otch of the Day for allowing 'NSync to reunite, or for the fact that every other word was bleeped, or even Miley Cyrus' sex orgies with the Country Bear Jamboree and yesterday's Bee-otch, Robin Thicke.

The reason for MTV getting Bee-otched is because of the lack of representation of the rock community on last Sunday's show.

Of all the awards handed out Sunday, only one band would be considered a hard rock group, and that's 30 Seconds to Mars, who won for the video for "Up in the Air". Now, 30STM isn't THAT bad of a band, although I loved their earlier stuff and their biggest hit, "The Kill". But are they the best band out there? No, especially when their lead singer is an A-list actor who signs his band's stuff with weird symbols that would make Prince happy (trust me, I met the guys when they opened for Cold at the Intersection in Grand Rapids in 2003).

Interestingly enough, 30STM went up against wuss rockers Fall Out Boy, the OK-but-it's-more-pop-than-rock Imagine Dragons, indie rockers Vampire Weekend and dorky folksters Mumford and Sons in that category. Alternative still had a place in the VMAs with Macklemore and Ryan Lewis and Capital Cities winning some Moonmen. However, pop ruled the night with the likes of Justin Timberlake, Bruno Mars and even country star Taylor Swift winning the evening.

But the thing is, MTV no longer cares about the audience they once served. Instead, they kiss the asses of the likes of no-talents who will hopefully be gone in a decade or less. Look at Five Finger Death Punch. They had the #2 album of the week a few weeks ago. Guess who beat them out? Robin Thicke, sadly. But it's the Knuckleheads who are getting the last laugh since Marvin Gaye's estate's suing the son of the star of Thicke of the Night because his "Blurred Lines" sounds too much like "Got to Give it Up". While Robin's pissing on the image of a legend, Death Punch is honoring one by having Judas Priest frontman Rob Halford duet on lead vocals on the band's recent hit "Lift Me Up".

If MTV allowed the band to perform on the VMAs, it would have been perfect in regards to its LGBTQ-friendly format. After all, Halford is openly gay.

But 'cha know, MTV is useless. Want to watch a music video? There's YouTube. Want to watch it uncensored? There's Vimeo. Back in the day, a song became a hit only after MTV banned it. Just ask Madonna. But these days, when it's banned on YouTube, not to worry, since it'll be elsewhere. But when it's banned on MTV, the question becomes "when did MTV start playing music videos again?"

Maybe that's why they still call it "MTV", because it's eMpTyV.

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