Monday, March 17, 2014

3.17.14 Bee-otch of the Day: organized religion

Bee-otch of the Day honors are awarded Monday through Thursday, Bee-otch of the Week is awarded Friday on



Name: organized religion
Age: thousands
Occupation: people who think they're God
Last Seen: everywhere
Bee-otched For: still acting stupid

In a few short weeks, I'll be packing my bags and heading out west to Phoenix.

As much as I'm against Arizona and their weird-ass politics (and crime), I'm doing it for my mother, who has lived there now for 10 years. One thing she wanted me to do with her - and it's something I haven't done in years - is go to her church.

But it's kinda looking like it won't happen.

A few days ago, Mom wrote to me that because her pastor has been overstepping his power as a human being, she's quitting her church, a Lutheran church in the Phoenix area. I guess it all started when he refused to marry a young couple only because the groom is not baptized. To add insult to injury, he kicked a woman out of his church all because she posted a thing on Facebook that said something like "share if you're horny" or some shit like that. A man who tells somebody how to act in his own religious views to me is beyond stupid.

Personally, if Mom doesn't take me to church when I'm out there, I will not shed a tear. I haven't attended a Sunday service in years and quite frankly, I'm happy about it.

Last Monday, I handed the Bee-otch of the Day honors to new northern Michigan Christian station WLJW - 95.9 Fuel FM because Traverse City needs another religious station like a hole in my head. One of the things that pissed me off was when I visited their Facebook page and there was a mention of them passing out cards with the station's logo and a QR code that directs to their website at a well-known church in the Traverse City area. My Dad and I were regulars at that church when I was a teen. We were introduced to it by a new couple that was on my Father's bus route who were members. Even the father and husband - who was blind - played piano in the church band.

In the beginning, the church was nice and accepting. But as the time went by, things got more serious. My Dad was in the singles ministry and they were preaching to him not to re-marry. He even dated a woman who ended up cheating on him. Our friend, the piano player had problems with his ministry, too; they wanted him to not take his seeing-eye dog up with him to his piano in the band's section. Even I had my problems with my youth ministry; they constantly preached against having sex and told us to stay away from porn, R-rated movies and even MTV (and this was long before Miley Cyrus and Jersey Shore.

The final nail was hit when the church's pastor started begging the parishioners to donate $1.7 million for a church upgrade. Two well known businesses in the area - Nick's Restaurant in Kalkaska and Hometown Hardware in Elk Rapids - were sold to Rite-Aid and Gil-Roy's respectively. Their owners were members of the church and donated something like $700,000 altogether to help with the upgrade. However, Dad got pissed. One Sunday, he sat me down and told me that he's no longer happy there because every Sunday was all about "GIVE ME MONEY! GIVE ME MONEY!" instead of spreading God's word. So, we stopped going. Even the family that introduced us to this church - who were members - wanted out.

The good news is that the pastor who started the beg-a-thon has since retired. But, the damage is done. I even cringe knowing that my old public, non-religious high school uses the church as their graduation facilities. True, I might be comfortable going to a much-smaller church, but all truth be told, this church I just talked about started in a man's living room. Then, it moved to an elementary school gymnasium and finally, their current location.

It's because of this northern Michigan version of a megachurch that fueled my hatred towards organized religion. I think it's sad when people who don't pay taxes take advantage of the poor and people squeaking by to get richer and richer. It's happened to Pat Robertson, the Crouches (see above), the Bakkers, the Swaggerts and others. Sorry, but I'm sick of people commercializing God to make easy bucks.

Personally, my Sunday is spent on the couch, watching sports or other shows on my Google Chromecast. I don't like the idea of dressing up and driving my car to a church where some guy will beg people for more and more money when he's already got enough. Also, where in the Bible does it say that we MUST go to church? Yeah, it says to tithe, but there's other ways to do so.

Maybe I oughta go to the round church so Satan can't corner me.  

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