Thursday, December 11, 2014

12.11.14 Bee-otch of the Day (and de facto Bee-otch of the Week): Kirk Cameron

Bee-otch of the Day honors are awarded Monday through Thursday, Bee-otch of the Week is awarded Friday on



Name: Kirk Cameron
Age: 44
Occupation: Jebus freak actor
Last Seen: ??
Bee-otched For: making the worst. movie. ever.
Nope, not everybody's a hero this week.

When Thomas Edison invented the moving picture in the late 1880's, he knew that his invention would allow people to create wonderful, moving works of art. And when it came to the holidays, it was no exception.

In the 12+ decades we've been acquainted with movies, every holiday season, we think of the bell ringing while Charlie got his wings, or poor Ralphie shooting his eye out. For others, it was Kevin McAllister trying Old Spice for the first time or Cousin Eddie screaming "SHITTER'S FULL!" to Clark Griswold.

But yes, the holidays have given us their duds, too. Remember a little 1964 film called Santa Claus Conquers the Martians? For years, it was considered not just one of the worst films of all time, but THE worst movie of all time. Thankfully, this disasterpiece is now in the public domain, so anybody could watch this laughable dreck anytime without being forced to pay to see it legally.

But, good news for you Pia Zadora fans out there! SCCTM is no longer the worst film ever made! As a matter of fact, it's a film that's playing in theatres.

And its star is the artist formerly known as Mike Seaver.

Yep! It's Kirk Cameron's Saving Christmas, which was quietly released a month ago and has only made $2.6 million in the box office so far. In the film, Cameron talks about why Christ needs to be at the center of Christmas and why we shouldn't say "Happy Holidays" and blah, blah, blah...

Since its release, KCSC hasn't just been a box office dud (or just making a tiny profit since the film supposedly has a tiny budget), but it's been a critical disaster, too. Rotten Tomatoes gave the film a flat 0% rating; critics on the site have called the film "hard to stomach", "thrown together" and "unfocused".  Audiences haven't been so kind, either. now calls KCSC the worst movie of all time, beating out 2010's Birdemic: Shock and Terror.

Cameron himself took to Facebook, asking fans to try to bump the film up on Rotten Tomatoes and IMDB. Well, that didn't work. Now, he's claiming that there's an atheist conspiracy to shut his precious movie down.

So, what is it with Jesus freaks making films for Jesus freaks that are nothing short of awful? There are some good religious films out there, but sadly, when it comes to the gun-toting, Rush Limbaugh-listening, gay-hating Christian who tries to get around Matthew 19:24, well, Cameron's movie is right for you.

But, this is why we have multiplexes, right? 

Oh, and BTW, since Cameron is the only Bee-otch of the Day this week, he's defacto Bee-otch of the Week, too.


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