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Name: Tim Tebow
Occupation: quarterback, Denver Broncos
Last Seen: Boston
Bee-otched For: learning a new 3:16
One would say that Tim Tebow is God's bestie.
After all, he has lived a life honoring his far-right-winged view of Jesus. His mother risked her life to give birth to him, he was homeschooled (because those gub'ment-run public schools talk about sex, evolution 'n stuff) and even bowed to Focus on the Family by appearing in one of their ads (which was supposed to run during the Super Bowl but was nixed due to its overbearing message of life). When he became starting QB for the Broncos, he helped the then-struggling team win games and often celebrated by kneeling on the field.
But on Saturday night, Tim Tebow showed that he was no match for the much-more-established Tom Brady and the New England Patriots. The Pats beat the Broncos in the Divisionals, 45-10, proving that for some odd and strange reason, God seemed to not bless his given son, Tim Tebow, the magic needed to advance his team to the AFC Championship.
Now, Tebow gets to spend the off-season wondering why his 'ol buddy Jesus let him down. But hey! John Parr decided to re-work his signature to honor him.
However, unless he gets severely injured or quits football sooner or later, we're stuck with him for the next many years. Sadly, I expect this dweeb to make outrageous statements about certain people and things like most Jebus freaks love to do. After all, for him, it's God first and everybody else - even his fans - second.
Now, I respect Mr. Tebow's religion and faith. The same goes to a man deciding to be gay, but when he throws his gayness on me, I run off. Same goes with Jesus freaks. If I'm in a public place and somebody ends up lecturing me on their faith, I try to find a way to get out of it without becoming The Incredible Hulk on the outside. But, if the Lions are playing the Broncos, I'll proudly root for my Lions (and yes, they bear Tebow and the Broncs this past year).
In the end, Tebow is bowing to a new 3:16. Instead of John, it's Austin.
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