Tuesday, May 8, 2012

5.8.12 Bee-otch of the Day: a CraigsList snake oil salesman

Bee-otch of the Day honors are awarded Monday through Thursday, Bee-otch of the Week is awarded Friday on Chuck69.com.


Name: to remain anonymous
Age: 50-something
Occupation: snake oil salesman
Last Seen: Greenville, MI area
Bee-otched For: trying to sell me shit
Yes, I appreciate classic animation.

The above cartoon I've posted is the 1931 Paramount short Bimbo's Initiation, in which Bimbo the Dog gets chased by a bunch of wackos wanting him to join their club. Bimbo ends up in a bunch of surreal situations after proclaiming to the club members "NO!", such as risking getting stabbed and running inside a rotating room.

Sadly, I feel like I'm Bimbo.

Like everybody during these post-Dubya times, I'm hanging on to a financial thread. So, why not empty out the barn a little and sell a few things? Thanks to the little website called CraigsList, I've sold a crapload of old things I don't need anymore. So far, I've purged myself of some of my old Sirius stuff, my old computer monitor, keyboard, a DVD-rom, a beer sign, baseball stuff and so much more. That website's just like Tradio, but not as hokey.

One of the items I got rid of recently was an old sleeping bag that was just sitting there, collecting dust and cobwebs. Since I never camp, I decided to get rid of it. I posted it on CraigsList, and almost immediately, a man showed his interest. We tried to arrange to meet before I had to go to work, but nothing worked out, and he told me that he needed it for the weekend. So, I told him to meet me at my workplace during my break. We agreed, and I thought that I would be standing out in the 40-degree cold for only a few minutes.

Well, think again.

After I sold him the bag, he told me, "now that I know where you work, let me tell you what I do for a living." "Uhhh, OK," I said.

For the rest of the time of the day where I'm supposed to sit and relax, this asshole decided to give me a boring lecture on motivational speakers and saving money and yadda yadda yadda. He turned into the infomercial you want to shut off, but you can't. Even worse, my workplace employee entrance door was open and a man looking like he was homeless looked like he was about to walk in. Thankfully, he just walked on by, but this dumbass just didn't shut up. Finally, the lecture from hell ended, but guess what he told me? "Since I already have your number, I want to call you on Monday about important information about my organization."

In the great words of the immortal Moon Unit Zappa, "Gag me with a spoon!"

He called me on Monday, but I told him to call me when my phone was off. He even texted me, thanking me for the bag. After that, I thought that escapade was over.

I was wrong.

Last week at work, my phone rang. My caller ID claimed that the caller was from Bay City. I answered, and lo and behold, it was that loser again wanting to talk to me. I told him that now's not the time, and to call me at the time my phone was off. Sucker.

Sadly, I know that it won't be the last I'll ever hear from him, but here's a lesson I must tell you: if you're buying from somebody on CraigsList, don't try to solicit with them. They don't want to be your friends and they don't want to be bored to death, either. Don't sell snake oil. I've seen too many episodes of King of the Hill to know how dishonest people work.

I guess the only thing I'm happy about was the fact that he doesn't know where I live. But, if he asks for my address, I'll go ahead and fake it. Grand Rapids seems to have more bad people than good, and I don't need more BS in my life.

In the end of Bimbo's Initiation, the creeps harassing him turned out to be a bunch of Betty Boops. If I ever got into this jerk's scheme, the only hole I'd be getting into would be the financial one.

Got a Bee-otch to nominate? E-mail us @ chuck69dotcom@gmail.com. All suggestions (except for me) are welcome! 
Bee-otch of the Day Archives can be seen on http://beeotchoftheday.blogspot.com!
Bee-otch of the Day is a production of Chuck69.com , Grand Rapids' site for Stern, politics and more!


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