Thursday, September 6, 2012

9.6.12 Bee-otch of the Day: Chuck Norris

Bee-otch of the Day honors are awarded Monday through Thursday, Bee-otch of the Week is awarded Friday on



Name: Chuck Norris
Age: 72 (yes, he's that old, believe it or not)
Occupation: actor, martial arts expert, asshole
Last Seen: California
Bee-otched For: blaming the world's problems on Obama
Seven years ago, an internet phenom called "Chuck Norris Facts" came about. They gave out some "facts" about the martial arts legend, such as "when the Boogeyman goes to bed, he checks for Chuck Norris" and "Chuck Norris doesn't sleep, he waits".

Now, we have our own Chuck Norris fact: goddamn he's an asshole.

Chuck Norris is one of those people we want to love. He's in kickass movies, he can kick anybody's ass... Hell, he's Bob Barker's karate teacher! But, he opens his mouth about his politics and faith and it's like he's taken too many chops to the head. Now, he and his wife Gina are taking to the web, telling their fellow Jebus freaks that Obama's politics will lead us into Armegeddon.

In the two-and-a-quarter-minute video, the TotalGym couple tell people that 30 million Christians didn't vote in 2008 and that Obama won by 10 million votes. They also claim that the policies of the president - such as the Affordable Healthcare Act - will lead us into socialism and even worse.

Hey, Chuckles! Guess what? Your boss is a socialist! You know, that Jewish carpenter who healed the sick and cured the lame? Yep! THAT GUY. Oh, he's also against being wealthy and greed.

Ya know, it's sick when people call themselves "Christian" and yet they cry when a fetus is aborted but say "oh well" when somebody dies of cancer. That's how I view Chuck Norris. He's just another person who's holier-than-thou but is a total dick in real life. It's because of him, that if I were in a situation where I had to choose between his latest film, Tbe Expendables 2 or the much-hated The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure, It's a no-brianer. Norris made a ton of money off that filn but not The Oogieloves. Thanks, Chuck. What man you are.

Thanks, but I have better films to see.


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