Wednesday, January 23, 2013

1.23.13 Bee-otch of the Day: the City of Grand Rapids

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Name: Grand Rapids, Michigan
Age: 288
Occupation: second-largest city in Michigan
Last Seen: southwest Michigan
Bee-otched For: lacking priorities
It's no secret that sometimes in Grand Rapids, you end up fearing for your life.

Since 2013 started, there have been over 10 gun deaths in the city. Of course, most of the deaths were black-related. One story that shocked the community was the deaths of an elderly Kentwood couple, David and Vivian Bowman, who were both shot to death by an intruder in their own home. Their Cadillac was stolen and set on fire at an apartment complex. One of the suspects, 22-year-old black male Javonte Higgins was caught in a Chicago suburb and is in custody.

Higgins has a rap sheet going back to his teens, including break-ins and theft.

Well, I know of one place that can't be blamed for the sudden amount of gun crimes in this city: strip clubs. Remember in 2006 when the city passed an ordinance forcing the town's clubs to cover up? The law was the brainchild of Judy Rose, a 70-something city organizer from the crime-infested Black Hills neighborhood who became distraught when a new club, Lady Godiva's opened. One side was topless and served alcohol and the other was full-nude with no alcohol.

She received "secret funding" to get the laws passed because in her Hollander mind, strip clubs lead to crime. However, city mayor George Heartwell even admitted that her story wasn't true. Nonetheless, the law was passed and most of the former strip clubs in the city are now bikini only.

Rumor had it that Rose's main funder was none other than former gubernatorial candidate and Amway exec Dick DeVos since she even appeared in one of his ads on TV. DeVos' wife, Betsy's parents were Edgar and Elza Prince, whose foundation funds many right-winged, "pro-family" groups like Focus on the Family and the American Decency Association.

Folks, look at Canada: if you're 19, you can drink and go to a club that has full nudity and totally naked girls rubbing against you. And guess what? CANADA'S CRIME RATE'S MUCH LOWER THAN AMERICA'S! Here in Grand Rapids, wanna see pussy? Your options are 1) go to Odyssey in Muskegon, which I hear sucks, 2) go to Lansing's Deja Vu, which is much better (bear in mind that a similar law was passed in Kalamazoo in 2011, affecting that 'Vu), or 3) go to a gun shop, get yourself a gun, find a girl and order her to undress because the women here in Grand Rapids are, well, difficult to get in bed. 

Sorry, folks, but that's society. When a gun shop opens, no big deal, but when a strip club opens, it makes the news. I think strip clubs allow single men like me to enjoy being a straight young male who enjoys women! It's pitiful that these right-winged jerks don't get it. Where in the Bible does it say "thou shalt not enjoy thy booty"? Good question, but anybody who knows their Ten Commandments knows THOU SHALT NOT KILL.

Right-winged Republicans: people who don't know their priorities from their assholes.

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