Thursday, September 18, 2014

9.18.14 Bee-otch of the Day: WOOD-TV

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Age: 65
Occupation: NBC affiliate
Last Seen: Grand Rapids, MI
Bee-otched For: overhyping the Devos clan
Iiiiiiiiit's baaaaaaack....

Next Tuesday, Our beloved NBC-TV affiliate in Grand Rapids, WOOD-TV is going to abandon their studios on College Ave. for two weeks while they move into temporary digs at the Grand Rapids Art Museum for ArtPrize.

Every year, it seems that broadcasting from ArtPrize is a nightmare for Big WOOD with lots of audio and video glitches galore. This, of course is nothing more than a long-assed commercial for the event, the brainchild of the mega-wealthy Devos family.

Too many times, I want to throw my goddamned remote at my TV because while watching WOOD-TV, I see those annoying "Connecting With Community" ads that talks about how Amway has done so much good for the community, even though the company has donated lots to the Republicans and religious hate groups over the years.

And yet, they give out $500,000 to the best artist in town.

Folks, I find it appalling that it was *probably* the Devos family to helped fund Grand Rapids' unconstitutional strip club ban back in 2006 and yet, they allow a man with HIV to showcase three paintings made with his own semen to hang at a gay nightclub. What kind of message does that send? Boobs are bad, but jizz is OK? Most places that have semen sticking to the bathroom ceiling get shut down because it's a health code violation. But thanks to the Devoses, hey! That's OK!

I know that the Devoses give a lot back to the community, but remember, they're still Hollander Dutch Reformists. They're the type of people who protest against something, and yet they close the drapes and do the thing that they're fighting against. The fact that they use ArtPrize to make this city kiss their collective asses, well, makes me sick.

But in the age of attention, there's six words that turn any newscast into one of the greatest things ever seen in the history of television: fuck her right in the pussy.

Yep, it's becoming one of the most-used phrases on live television. And with WOOD-TV broadcasting with a Today Show-like setting for a few weeks, it's bound to happen, and should happen.

So, if you're reading this very article and are planning to go downtown for FartPrize, please, please, PLEASE scream "fuck her right in the pussy" when the camera's on you! You'll win a huge piece of my gratitude and maybe even get a special Hero of the Day. Please, for the sake of humanity!

Thank you.


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