Wednesday, July 22, 2015

7.22.15 Bee-otches of the Day: Detroit Tigers

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Name: Detroit Tigers
Age: 114
Occupation: baseball team
Last Seen: Comerica Park
Bee-otched For: really becoming more and more useless
For the first time since 2010, the Detroit Tigers went under .500.

True, as of this writing, they're at .500 again, but with the playoffs being eleven weeks away, who knows what will happen?

Sadly, it looks like only bad things will happen.

It's been announced that the team is willing to trade off two of its best players - pitcher David Price and left fielder Yoenis Cespedes - as the non-waiver trade deadline nears on July 31. For a team that started VERY strong this season at 9-1, the Tabby Cats are barely even pouncing.

True, the team has struggled with star players being on the DL all year, such as pitcher Justin Verlander and as of this writing, Miguel Cabrera, but it's pitiful seeing what they've turned into all year. IMHO, the only good decision they've made was shitcanning bullpen duds such as Joba Chamberlain, aka the Zach Galifianakis of baseball. I do wonder if manager Brad Ausmus has what it takes to keep the team going. True, the team won the pennant last year, but they were still under the aegis of Jim Leyland.

I look at Verlander and wonder if he still has what it takes to be one of the Tigers' best pitchers. Sadly, I don't think so. He spent most of the year on the DL, he's 0-3 on the year and his ERA is a high six. Maybe he's simply become too rich for his own good and is spending most of the time thinking about his little girlfriend, Kate Upton. Maybe I oughta post those private nudes of Justin and Kate if the Tigers don't make the playoffs this year to show how much of an ignoramus he's become. True, it might give me some not-so-nice attention from my friends at the Michigan Radio and TV Buzzboard, but since one guy's avatar is that of the racist Confederate flag and another who loves to dwell on the "Dating Page" that I made in my early 20s uses the homophobic assholes of Duck Dynasty as his avvy, well, so let it be.

The point is, if the Tigers don't improve soon, count me out as a fan. It sucks that we'll have to wait a few more months until the Wings play, but at least they're still making the playoffs. The Tigers have some good players, but it's too bad that every time they have an awesome one, he gets traded. Just ask Torii Hunter and Max Scherzer.

The Detroit Tigers: on the road to 2003 again.  

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