Wednesday, October 10, 2012

10.10.12 Bee-otch of the Day: Kid Rock

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Name: Robert "Kid Rock" Ritchie
Age: 41
Occupation: rock star-turned-asshole
Last Seen: Rochester, Michigan
Bee-otched For: selling out

Once upon a time, there was a rich white kid from the suburbs of Detroit named Bob Ritchie.

Little Bobby's dad was a wealthy owner of car dealerships. However, he was turned on by Detroit's African-American culture of Hip-Hop and would go to sharevaris with a cheap-ass Sears Roebuck turntable. Despite his shortcomings, Bob was able to turn on the crowd with his sharp turntable skills. Because of this, the black crowd would often say something to the tune of "that white kid rock".

The rest is history.

I remember the first time I ever heard a Kid Rock song, and it was the first video of that night's 120 Minutes on MTV in 1998. The video was for "I Am the Bullgod", which was the second single off of his Devil Without a Cause album. I kinda knew from there on, he'd be hot shit, and I was right. However, even I was scratching my head when "American Bad Ass" came out in 2000, which was nothing more than a four-and-a-half minute advertisement for himself set to the tune of Metallica's "Sad But True".

In all, I've always had a love-hate relationship with Rock, but I do have a connection to him since he is from Michigan and at one time actually lived down the road from members of my family. But the man who said in "American Bad Ass" that he was straight out of the trailer has had success shoot straight to his head.

In recent years, Kid Rock has been straying away from his rock and especially rap roots and tailoring himself to the Pabst-drinking redneck crowd. His last album and hit single was "Born Free" which was a hit on the Country charts, and so was "All Summer Long" and earlier, "Picture". Now, Rock has totally jumped the shark.

Monday night, Kid Rock appeared at a rally featuring Willard Romney's running mate, Paul Ryan in the Detroit suburb of Rochester. In his speech, he blasted President Obama for needing a TelePrompTer for his speeches while Romney doesn't take BS from outsiders.

It's been well-known that Kid Rock has been a Republican for years. In 2004, long-time friend Russell Simmons took his family and Rock out to the movies. The Simmons clan went and saw Fahrenheit 9/11 while Rock passed. When the Simmonses returned to their car, Rock left a note on their windshield stating something to the tune of "Bush Rules!"

You see, I've always thought for years that Kid Rock was on the line of for his fans and pompous dick, and now, he's a pompous dick. It's sad that a man who frequents strip clubs and lives the high life is now on the same page of the cocksucking assholes like the Devos family that have been trying to shut them down for years. What happened? Did Pam Anderson's Hep C spread to his brain?

I hope to God that Obama wins in November so that people like Kid Rock can be laughed at. As-is, people like him pay a lesser percentage in taxes than the rest of us. Hopefully by the end of Obama's second term, he'll be forced to sell a house or two so he can pay his taxes, or at least sell more albums. Rich jerks like him are the answer to our budget problems, not China.

Kid Rock: a man who went from this to this.


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