Monday, October 8, 2012

10.8.12 Bee-otch of the Day: Mitt Romney

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Name: Willard Romney
Age: 65
Occupation: Charles Montgomery Burns wannabe
Last Seen: ??
Bee-otched For: wanting to clip Big Bird's wings

When I was a kid growing up in rural northern Michigan in the late 80's and early 90's, I didn't have cable.

Just like most of you old-timers that grew up before the 80's, I only got four channels on my TV: NBC, ABC, CBS and PBS. On a clear night, I got the weak Fox station from Vanderbilt, so I didn't get to see most Simpsonsepisodes until they made their way to syndication.

When I got home from school, Channel 7 was showing old Highway to Heaven episodes, Channel 9 aired Donohue and 29 had Oprah. Yep, if it was crappy outside or if I didn't want to hang out with my friends, the only shows for those my age were on my local PBS affiliate, WCML-TV 6, part of the nearly-statewide Central Michigan University Public Television Network. Even though Channel 6 was licensed to Alpena, their signal was monstrous; at my place growing up, their signal was clear as a bell. Instead of music videos on MTV, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles or people getting slimed on Nickelodeon, my TV diet after school consisted of 3-2-1 ContactSquare One TelevisionZoobillee Zoo (yes, I actually remember that show; Louise Vallance was a little hottie back in the day) and yes, Sesame Street.

Today, because I no longer wanted seeing what little money I make go to Snooki, Honey Boo-Boo or even the billionaires that run our cable networks, I don't have cable anymore and I might not ever have it again. Strangely enough, my local PBS station, WGVU-35 has a weak signal and doesn't make it to where I live. But when I had cable, I enjoyed such programs as The MacLaughlin Group and Ebert Presents at the Movies.

When Mittens decided to burst out during last week's debates that as president he would eliminate funding for PBS, it came as a shock to so many people, and proved how much of a dumbfounded moron he truly is. The government doesn't spend all that much on the network; as a matter of fact, the government only spends about $1.30 per person on the publicly-funded network. Most PBS member stations get their funding from not just what little they get from government funds, but from production work they do for others and yes, Viewers Like You. Unlike your local TV stations, PBS stations are locally-owned, mainly by non-profit groups like colleges and universities.

OK, Mittens, why do you want to kill PBS? Did Big Bird shit in your Corn Flakes? There's worse - and more-expensive things - that our government spends on, like, oh, wars over oil and banks. I think we should make good and positive changes that would improve our government, like taxing the rich and using that money to balance the budget and create more jobs.

Remember, folks, the Canadians have the CBC and the British have the BBC. Both are government-owned entities and they do a far-better job of entertaining people over the corporate-owned channels we have. PBS is probably the closest thing to a government-run channel we have and they tend to be way better programming-wise than the crap they overexpose especially on cable. I think if the government were to cut out funding for PBS, it just wouldn't be the same.

At least Big Bird is too big to be placed on top of Mittens' car.


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