Wednesday, September 30, 2015

9.30.15 Bee-otch of the Day: ASUS

Bee-otch of the Day honors are awarded Monday through Thursday, Bee-otch of the Week is awarded Friday on



Name: ASUS
Age: 26
Occupation: computer maker
Last Seen: Taiwan
Bee-otched For: making shitty computers

It looks like I won't be buying a computer from ABC Warehouse anytime soon.

Several months ago, I noticed that my laptop, a Toshiba was starting to sound wonky. For example: if I was listening to a YouTube video, it would start sounding like Eric the Midget (ackackack), which got to be annoying. After taking it to a local tech, he told me that he would have to go deep into the system itself, which would have set me back a few arms and legs. Since my tax return came back, I decided that it was time for a new machine.

I was thinking about getting one from Amazon, but since there's ABC Warehouse down the road, I looked at them, too (there's also Best Buy, but I avoid them since they support the Repukes). There was an old fat guy running the computer department who looked like he didn't know a lot about computers. He talked me into getting an ASUS - a brand I haven't heard before - that had 1TB of hard drive space and a dual processor. I thought, OK, for $500, it was a steal, right? Well, turned out to be a mistake.

1) The keyboard sucks. You almost have to POUND the keys to make it register. 2) A lot of the time, the armrest on the keyboard itself is uncomfortable. Therefore, my arms hurt from typing. But, reason #3 is the top reason why I hate the damn thing so much is because it's broken down not once, but TWICE. Last May, I put a phone charger into the USB port and it shorted out. I called ASUS and they had me send it in. Took them two weeks, but oh, well. However, IT DID IT AGAIN ON SATURDAY NIGHT. I was listening to internet radio on there when I took out my headphone jack, put it back in and boom, it shorted out AGAIN. I called up ASUS, but the operator told me that this time, it was MY FAULT that it shorted out and I had to pay for shipping, which turned out to be $20. WHAT. THE. FUCK?!?! Great. Now I'm stuck with only my Toshiba, whose sound is OK if I give it a nice overnight virus scan.

Thankfully, I purchased a two-year warranty with ABC in case it were to break down. I want to talk to them when I get my computer back and let them know that I'm now unhappy with it. Who knows? Another option might be to sell it on CraigsList for 1/2 of what I bought it for and use part of the money to buy a new 'puter at tax time. We'll see.

But in the meantime, don't trust a computer maker whose name sounds like ISIS.
Got a Bee-otch to nominate? E-mail us @ All suggestions (except for me) are welcome!

Bee-otch of the Day Archives can be seen on!

Bee-otch of the Day is a production of, Grand Rapids' site for Stern, politics and more!

No comments:

Post a Comment