Monday, February 23, 2015

2.23.15 Bee-otch of the Day: Marshall Hapner

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Name: Marshall Hapner
Age: 41
Occupation: former hairstylist
Last Seen: Kalamazoo, MI
Bee-otched For: doing the Lord's work wrong
The owners of the Kalamazoo sex shop known as "Hollywood Nights" are now doing everything to Turn the Page.

Last Wednesday, the store burned to the ground in sub-zero temperatures. Almost immediately, the police found their perp, Marshall Hapner, who was caught with an ax in his hand blocks away from the store. He fled from police, but was caught a short time later.

Hapner is now in a Kalamazoo County jail with his bond at $250,000. He's been known to have mental problems such as the fact that he's bipolar and will go through an evaluation before trial.

According to Hapner, he felt that he was on a prophecy from God to eradicate pornography from the city, which has several sex shops like Hollywood Nights and a few strip clubs such as Angel's and Deja Vu. Rumor had it that Hapner wanted to burn down the other places so God could give him a better spot in Heaven.

Hapner only has had one previous charge, and it was misdemeanor assault back in 1991.

Meanwhile, the family that owns Hollywood Nights have set up a GoFundMe account. They claim that they have helped others in the community over the years and didn't build their business on smut. Simply put, they used their business to provide themselves and their children a decent living. Sadly, they do not have insurance and as of Sunday night, they've only raised $255.

A lot of the time, I wonder why these fucked-up Jebus freaks even exist at all. Who are they to judge? I hate hearing about assholes who call themselves "Christian" and they molest children, beat their wives and beg people for money even though they're rich, yet, this family who put their hearts and souls into this business are now asking people to help out. Who are the real "Christians" here?

I'm a true believer in capitalism. Don't like it? Don't buy it. I just recently got my tax check back, and I just purchased a shitload of shit that I needed, like new shoes, plane tickets to see my mother, jeans, a new computer and so forth. I made sure that the majority of the products I purchased wouldn't support the Republicans, so I used the website to help me. I don't want my hard-earned money to support an agenda that supports the destruction of the middle class. When a business does well, it doesn't need to be fixed. However, if it does, close up shop or tweak it to profitability.

Personally, I think Hollywood Nights did a better job serving the Lord vs. a lot of churches. They gave back to the community and let's face it: GOD CREATED SEX! Sex shops help relationships, not destroy them!

It's sad that a metrosexual douchebag ruined this family's livelihood by burning it down. I hope he'll be in jail for a long, long time for what he did. Maybe the judge will force him to share a cell with John Balyo. He could force Marshall to wear kid's clothes and be his prison bitch.


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