Tuesday, February 24, 2015

2.24.15 Bee-otches of the Day: Clint Eastwood and Kirk Cameron

Bee-otch of the Day honors are awarded Monday through Thursday, Bee-otch of the Week is awarded Friday on Chuck69.com.



Names: Clint Eastwood and Kirk Cameron
Ages: 84, 44
Occupations: actors
Last Seen: Hollywood
Bee-otched For: proving that being conservative and in Hollywood just don't mix
Last weekend, Hollywood's finest came out to honor those who made this past year's best movies.

Of course, "Birdman" won top honors, taking home Best Picture, Best Director, Original Screenplay and Cinematography. Other notable winners included Julianne Moore winning Best Actress for her portrayal of a 50-year-old woman battling Alzheimer's in "Still Alice", Patricia Arquette getting Best Actress for her 12 years of work in "Boyhood" and even the Farmers Insurance guy, J.K. Simmons, won for his Best Supporting Actor role in "Whiplash".

Many of the folks who accepted their Academy Awards gave out some pretty rousing speeches. Arquette talked about women still not getting equal rights and "The Imitation Game" writer Graham Moore - a victim of teenage bullying - telling teens to "stay weird" when accepting the award for Best Adapted Screenplay.

But guess what? Despite being up for several awards including Best Picture and Best Actor, "American Sniper" only won one award: Achievement in Sound Editing.

It seemed that those who voted for this year's Oscars preferred Eddie Redmayne's portrayal of the young and sweet Stephan Hawking in "The Theory of Everything" over Bradley Cooper's take on the Muslim-killing Chris Kyle for Best Actor. Director Clint Eastwood, who has been a bastion for the Republicans since his 'empty chair' speech during the 2012 RNC convention, wasn't even nominated for Best Director.

But it wasn't just Eastwood that was snubbed last weekend. Former 1980s teen heartthrob Kirk Cameron did win several awards last weekend, but they're not Oscars.

His holiday bomb "Saving Christmas" won four Razzie Awards for Worst Picture, Worst Actor, Worst Screenplay and Worst Couple for Cameron and his ego. To many critics, "Saving Christmas" is so bad, it makes "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians" look like "It's a Wonderful Life". Many have criticized Cameron for his overbearing religious beliefs, resulting in other ultra-religious crapfests such as "Left Behind" and "Fireproof".

You see, the right and Hollywood just don't mix. Will Hays was a great example. He persuaded Hollywood to adopt his "Hays Code" which prohibited swearing and sex from the silver screen for over 30 years. Thankfully, it was overturned in 1968 because the MPAA adopted the ratings system which allowed filmmakers to make movies for their intended audience. But sadly, there's still censorship. One reason why critics have panned "50 Shades of Grey" is because the movie is simply a sanitized version of the hit book. Yes, there's plenty of flogging, but when it came to genitalia, the movie's producers made sure that close to nary a pubic whisker was exposed to maintain its R-rating so it can be shown in mainstream theaters. Funny: when a movie contains naked pussy, it'll get an NC-17. But if a dude gets beheaded, it's PG-13 and safe for family viewing. Well played, MPAA, well played.

The point is, Hollywood is a liberal land and when a conservative invades it, all it does is make people cringe. Yes, "American Sniper" made over $400 million at the box office so far, but that doesn't mean that it's a flaming pile of shit, either. Who knows? At 84, Clint might make a few more movies. Even worse, the worst might be yet to come from Kirk Cameron, too. But, bear in mind that "Saving Christmas" made waaaaaay less money than "Fireproof".

Of course both Eastwood and Cameron deserve Oscars, as long as they're shoved up their assholes sideways.   


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